8 year old tantrums and agressive behaviour

[mumsworld]

I have an eight year old boy who reacts very agressively when agitated and he doesnt get his own way or when he is being told what to do and what not to do.  He says very hurtful things and you can see that he wants to hurt you or anyone around him who is in authority.  He hurls abuse and comments, threatens me with actions of destruction to property, my person or those around, my life, his life, self harm, wishes he was dead or was never born, questions whether I wish he was never born etc.  It is like he loses control of a situation, loses his temper and says things that he cant back down from and then he hates himself for doing it and gets very upset and angry with himself.  

Myself and his Dad are divorced and he sees him regularly.  His dad has re married and has a new baby.  He seems to have adopted the attitude that his dad doesnt tell him what to do because he is busy with the new baby and that I am mean etc.

He has attended two course of counselling, i have similtaneously completed a parenting course with one of his counsellors and he has been assessed by a psychologist who recommened the play therapy/counselling which he had and also for both parents to attend a parenting course and to encourage consistency in dicipline etc in both households.

Do you think he would require or benefit from psychiatric assessment or further psychological review? He does respond well to reward charts etc. but recently seems to be developing an ever increasing hostility to authority and constantly challenging same.

I am so afraid of becoming "Gail Platt"!.

Any advice welcome.


This discussion is related to 8 year old with daily temper tantrums.

[kimmomof2]

wow! I feel like I'm reading all of your postings and it is my son.  I have brought my son to so many people.  I finally landed a great Psychiatrist in MA.  It's called Pediatric Behavioral Health in West Boylston.  This doctor truly evaluated us (the partents) my son and even my 4 year old to get her side.  He did not just say, "We’ll he needs meds so hear you are."  Nor has he yet; until he can see what my son really needs.  Tho, He has suggestions on meds, got my sons blood test for when it happens.  But we are still in the evaluating stage.  The sad part is my daughter takes the brunt of it all from her brother.

It is frustrating as parents when we try so hard and nothing seems to work.   Not yelling, yelling, time out (which is a joke), go to your room (joke).  But, don't give up.  Do not take the first med a doctor tosses your way either.  Look at ODD, Bi-Polar - ODD parenting....even if your child does not have this disorder reading what we can do as parents helped me.  Don't argue with the 7 year old.  Say it and end the conversation even if he or she continues.  The conversation is OVER.  (Obviously depending on the issue, right?) We all know how consistency goes, right?  We give in at times because it's easier.  Well.............unfortunately, these kids are much to smart for that......
I think about my son 7 years from now............and I sigh.  It has to be better by then.  
Good luck to you all......

[lj030558]

We are grandparents raising our almost 7 year old granddaughter since birth practically.  She was always a good and happy kid but was always the last to get unpacked in kindergarten and had a difficult time following directions in summer camp.  We had her evaluated by a neurologist this year when she had difficulty completing her work and staying quiet in first grade.  She was diagnosed with ADD and has been doing well in school on the medication Vyanase.  We also have her seeing a psychologist weekly now and he recently recommended she see a psychiatrist.  

Her behavior is great when she is doing things she likes to do. She is cooperative, happy and kind.  However, each morning, she wakes up for school, she doesn't want to get out of bed and get dressed, eat, brush her teeth nor go out the door for school.  Her teacher communicates with me frequently and it seems that once she is in the classroom, she is fine and gets along with her classmates.  She is doing well academically with tutoring assistance for math.  I often have to carry her out to the car in her pajamas and bring her uniform so that she dresses in time for class. Of course, she is screaming and kicking all the way to school but I have to get to work and she has been up for a little over an hour before we have to leave with nothing accomplished.  There are times I have to bring her into school in her pajamas and drop her off at the girls bathroom with her uniform in a plastic bag for her to get dressed on her own and go to class.  

After school, the same defiant behavior continues when she has to do her homework.  I don't push the issue with her and sometimes she goes into class without it completed.  If she needs help with her work, I offer help, but then she insists that's not the way it's done so I leave her to her own defenses.  It continues on to her not wanting what is for dinner and refusing to eat.  Then, when it's time for bed, she cries that she is hungry and wants her food heated up for her.  She also goes up to bathe and says she doesn't want to take a bath or brush her teeth.  So, she goes upstairs and keeps coming down to us crying and body slamming us because she doesn't want to do anything.  We carry her back upstairs again and again until she falls asleep in her room exhausted and it begins again the next day.  

We have used a positive sticker system, a positive marble system, short family meetings with skits at times which she enjoys, and time out on the steps when she is stomping her foot, folding her arms and shouting out of control.  She also tends to be a perfectionist in that she will say the paper creases are folded wrong, the socks don't feel right, the belt has a label she wants removed or her shoes are dirty on the bottom part she walks on and she can't wear them.  

I have taken many parenting courses so I usually have a lot of patience and say things calmly to her giving her time warnings and setting a timer for her to know when she needs to stop one activity and start another like bathing.  I compliment her on the days and times when she is cooperative and have taken away activities when she has had meltdowns and been out of control.  

What else would you suggest we do?  Thanks
From A grandmother who loves her granddaughter very much

[linzedot]

DX means Diagnosis. Also, I totally feel for you guys. My daughter is the same way! I have been everywhere and to be honest, her behavior has drawn us apart. I find myself very un-sympathetic to her needs because it is difficult to have the proper sensitivity when she is screaming and throwing a fit. I also have developed a bit of a grudge for all the hard times. I want to have a good relationship with her and I hope that we will in the future. I have had an evaluation by a physician who just referred me somewhere else. Then when I went there, they referred me to a counselor, then when I went to a counselor, they told her to blow pretend bubbles when she is angry and taught me how to play with her. Like she can even be rational enough to blow bubbles when she is mad. She locks in and just screams. Also, they act like I am neglectful or something and that is why, well, I do play, but then when I am done, it is never enough for her and she throws a fit. Instead of appreciating it, she is mad when it stops. Same with everything. It is hard! I would love to try the diet thing, but that seems like so much maintence when I am so at the end of my rope already. help

[soosmoo]

Hi, I just posted a comment on Self Harm in my 9 year old son and then came across your comment.

My son is doing something similar and I'm not sure what to do, excuse my ignorance here but what's a DX?

Thanks

[LRM1021]

I think you should indeed have him reassessed, if the behavior is not improving and/or geting worse. Basically, what you are saying is that what you are currently doing is not working, so its time to get more professional advice and do something else. Did any one offer you a specific dx for your son? In a follow up assessment, I think you should press for a specific dx.

Good luck.