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Dealing With Pet Loss
I had to euthanize one of my cats this past Tuesday. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My fiance was coming home from work one night. The lights in the apartment weren't on. He opened the door and stepped on my cat's head.
She has had mobility issues for at least as long as I've had her. She cannot land on her feet or walk without a limp so I'm assuming this is why she didn't move when she heard the door unlock. I, myself, have tripped over her a few times and I'm always very aware of my surroundings.
My fiance is close to 300 pounds. My cat was visibly hurt (her mouth was bleeding) but she was otherwise acting herself.
I called the emergency vet line and explained the situation. They said it didn't sound critical and that I should just call the vet in the morning.
We watched her overnight and her condition worsened. She, at this point, was hungry and thirsty but couldn't open her mouth because of the pain.
I went to the vet as soon as they opened. The vet told me the rate just to check the extent of the damage (x-rays, bloodwork, sedatives etc) would be a minimum of $2 000.00.
Money has been tight so I called all over to see if anyone offered a payment plan. I couldn't find a vet that did. So, I called a medicare financing company and I was approved for $2 000.00.
She would for sure need a plate in her jaw but where the bone had broken he referred to it as "a vet's worst nightmare" because the prognosis for sucessful mending of the bone wasn't great.
This would mean several surgeries (and 6-12 weeks of healing time), a feeding tube, pain killers and lots of bloodwork and check ups and that the $2 000.00 wouldn't even begin to cover it.
I don't know much of her medical history as I inherited her from an ex boyfriend who told me when I left if I didn't take her he would bring her to a pound to be put down. So, without hesitation, I took her.
The vet told me also that because of her age (nearly 12) and her weight (she was a chubby girl) that recovery would be even less likely. He told me the only other option was to have her put to sleep. And he told me it was an emergency. I had to decide immediately what to do.
I was so devastated. I've been crying every day since it happened. I only just started getting out of bed yesterday and I've taken several days off work.
Seeing her being put to sleep was incredibly traumatic but I decided to be there with her because I felt it would be a disservice to her to have her die alone. Also with me was my fiance and our good friend. She was surrounded by people who loved her and we all held and pet her. We all cried. I was inconsolable.
She was such a sweet girl. I feel so much guilt. What I did, I did because I didn't want her to spend the rest of her life most likely living in constant pain. But it was the worst thing I've ever done.
There are so many unanswered questions and regrets...could she have made it through the first surgery successfully? Would pain meds be able to eliminate her pain? How much longer would she have lived if this didn't happen? Why couldn't my fiance have turned on the light as soon as he came in?
I wish I paid her more attention while she was around. We have another cat who is always wanting attention while she was more the type to come over once in awhile for a pet or a cuddle and then take off to sleep in her favourite basket. Maybe I should have done more to show her I loved her. Did she feel loved when she died? Was she afraid?
I was lucky, however, this past couple months she had started greeting me at the door when I would come home from work which she never used to do. She started coming over for cuddles more. I at least made sure to tell her I loved her every day before I left the house.
I miss her so much. On top of this happening, I am getting married in two weeks. So, I almost feel like I have a sort of schedule to grieve. I have to work, I have to plan and attend my wedding all while mourning the loss of my cat.
I have decided to set up a donation fund in leu of gifts for my wedding to be made to our local cat shelter in her name. I have started keeping a journal in which I write to her daily. I read pet loss self help books.
I have had some roadblocks along the way. I did post in another forum about what had happened to my cat and I was called an animal abuser and neglectful and I had someone tell me to never have children lest I mistreat them too.
I also called a pet bereavement hotline in which the man on the phone told me that in his 25 years he's never heard of a pet owner accidentally injuring their animal either by being stepped on or otherwise. He accused us of purposely harming her (I am an animal lover, vegetarian, cruelty free everything etc. etc. and for the record I would stand up for any animal if I were to see it being harmed), interrogated me about any other past and present pets asking "what I had done to them", asked me irrelavent questions such as my location and occupation and then accused me and my fiance of being drunk when it happened (I actually don't and cannot drink due to medication and he was coming home from work sober).
I had called this hotline hours after I came home from the vet. Needless to say, the guilt I've felt has been overwhelming when I've tried to reach out to people I thought could help me with coping skills or offer some sort of encouraging words or advice.
I did speak with a lady at the ASPCA and she was really kind and informative. But I still feel terrible and then having people accuse me of being an animal abuser is cutting.
I'm hoping someone can give me some advice on how to cope with loss/grief. At this point it seems to be coming in waves and as soon as I realize I'm enjoying an activity etc. I immediately think of my kitty and feel guilty.
Just looking for some help. Thank you.
My fiance was coming home from work one night. The lights in the apartment weren't on. He opened the door and stepped on my cat's head.
She has had mobility issues for at least as long as I've had her. She cannot land on her feet or walk without a limp so I'm assuming this is why she didn't move when she heard the door unlock. I, myself, have tripped over her a few times and I'm always very aware of my surroundings.
My fiance is close to 300 pounds. My cat was visibly hurt (her mouth was bleeding) but she was otherwise acting herself.
I called the emergency vet line and explained the situation. They said it didn't sound critical and that I should just call the vet in the morning.
We watched her overnight and her condition worsened. She, at this point, was hungry and thirsty but couldn't open her mouth because of the pain.
I went to the vet as soon as they opened. The vet told me the rate just to check the extent of the damage (x-rays, bloodwork, sedatives etc) would be a minimum of $2 000.00.
Money has been tight so I called all over to see if anyone offered a payment plan. I couldn't find a vet that did. So, I called a medicare financing company and I was approved for $2 000.00.
She would for sure need a plate in her jaw but where the bone had broken he referred to it as "a vet's worst nightmare" because the prognosis for sucessful mending of the bone wasn't great.
This would mean several surgeries (and 6-12 weeks of healing time), a feeding tube, pain killers and lots of bloodwork and check ups and that the $2 000.00 wouldn't even begin to cover it.
I don't know much of her medical history as I inherited her from an ex boyfriend who told me when I left if I didn't take her he would bring her to a pound to be put down. So, without hesitation, I took her.
The vet told me also that because of her age (nearly 12) and her weight (she was a chubby girl) that recovery would be even less likely. He told me the only other option was to have her put to sleep. And he told me it was an emergency. I had to decide immediately what to do.
I was so devastated. I've been crying every day since it happened. I only just started getting out of bed yesterday and I've taken several days off work.
Seeing her being put to sleep was incredibly traumatic but I decided to be there with her because I felt it would be a disservice to her to have her die alone. Also with me was my fiance and our good friend. She was surrounded by people who loved her and we all held and pet her. We all cried. I was inconsolable.
She was such a sweet girl. I feel so much guilt. What I did, I did because I didn't want her to spend the rest of her life most likely living in constant pain. But it was the worst thing I've ever done.
There are so many unanswered questions and regrets...could she have made it through the first surgery successfully? Would pain meds be able to eliminate her pain? How much longer would she have lived if this didn't happen? Why couldn't my fiance have turned on the light as soon as he came in?
I wish I paid her more attention while she was around. We have another cat who is always wanting attention while she was more the type to come over once in awhile for a pet or a cuddle and then take off to sleep in her favourite basket. Maybe I should have done more to show her I loved her. Did she feel loved when she died? Was she afraid?
I was lucky, however, this past couple months she had started greeting me at the door when I would come home from work which she never used to do. She started coming over for cuddles more. I at least made sure to tell her I loved her every day before I left the house.
I miss her so much. On top of this happening, I am getting married in two weeks. So, I almost feel like I have a sort of schedule to grieve. I have to work, I have to plan and attend my wedding all while mourning the loss of my cat.
I have decided to set up a donation fund in leu of gifts for my wedding to be made to our local cat shelter in her name. I have started keeping a journal in which I write to her daily. I read pet loss self help books.
I have had some roadblocks along the way. I did post in another forum about what had happened to my cat and I was called an animal abuser and neglectful and I had someone tell me to never have children lest I mistreat them too.
I also called a pet bereavement hotline in which the man on the phone told me that in his 25 years he's never heard of a pet owner accidentally injuring their animal either by being stepped on or otherwise. He accused us of purposely harming her (I am an animal lover, vegetarian, cruelty free everything etc. etc. and for the record I would stand up for any animal if I were to see it being harmed), interrogated me about any other past and present pets asking "what I had done to them", asked me irrelavent questions such as my location and occupation and then accused me and my fiance of being drunk when it happened (I actually don't and cannot drink due to medication and he was coming home from work sober).
I had called this hotline hours after I came home from the vet. Needless to say, the guilt I've felt has been overwhelming when I've tried to reach out to people I thought could help me with coping skills or offer some sort of encouraging words or advice.
I did speak with a lady at the ASPCA and she was really kind and informative. But I still feel terrible and then having people accuse me of being an animal abuser is cutting.
I'm hoping someone can give me some advice on how to cope with loss/grief. At this point it seems to be coming in waves and as soon as I realize I'm enjoying an activity etc. I immediately think of my kitty and feel guilty.
Just looking for some help. Thank you.
I am so sorry for your loss.
What you said last was KEY to your recovery. You are purposely punishing yourself by consciously stopping yourself from enjoying activities. It seems your belief is that if you enjoy yourself, and allow yourself to move on, that means you didn't love your cat, and doesn't honor your cat. You did. You loved your cat, and gave her a wonderful life, and now she's passed on as an old and injured cat. It's HIGHLY unlikely that no matter how many surgeries you put her through, and how much money you invested, you would have given her an enjoyable end to her life. As it is, she enjoyed her life up until a day before she died.
And that's a lot.
What you said last was KEY to your recovery. You are purposely punishing yourself by consciously stopping yourself from enjoying activities. It seems your belief is that if you enjoy yourself, and allow yourself to move on, that means you didn't love your cat, and doesn't honor your cat. You did. You loved your cat, and gave her a wonderful life, and now she's passed on as an old and injured cat. It's HIGHLY unlikely that no matter how many surgeries you put her through, and how much money you invested, you would have given her an enjoyable end to her life. As it is, she enjoyed her life up until a day before she died.
And that's a lot.
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