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Should my Husband be concerned - I don't think so
All:
This is a last resort post as my husband has been overcome with anxiety regarding HIV fears. First, I am sad to say that not too long ago I learned of an affair my husband had with another woman. The affair had ended months before I found out and in that time he had an HIV test. After discussing this with him he stated the test was roughly 20 weeks since his last unprotected sexual encounter with this woman. I have seen the test results and it is negative. He says it was an ICMA antibody test whatever that means. Although we have had a lot to deal with I have come to forgive him and now want my life back but he can't seem to overcome his fears. I have been watching some of the posts here and on the body.com and everyone states that 12/13 weeks is conclusive. My husband keeps complaining of severe dry mouth over night which mostly goes away during the day. He also seems to think he has a white tongue/thrush which 2 Dr's said it was not. Now he thinks these little white bumps on his tongue are signs of HIV. I will say he now brushes his teeth about 5x a day, takes 3 different types of mouthwash 3-5x/day and always has breath mints in his mouth. He also brushes his tongue frequently. He claims it's to get rid of the dry mouth. His tongue looks perfectly fine to me regarding thrush but I do see a couple of little Ulcers. I think it is because of all the work he does in his mouth. He also claims to have had swollen lymph nodes under his arm that only last a few days. Again - he has seen a Dr. for this and the Dr. said if it doesn't go away in a few weeks come back. Of course they did.
Now I do believe my husband when he says he doesn't feel right. However, I think it is self inflicted through stress/anxiety or through everything he is doing to his mouth. He has been in general good health. He even had a stomach flu bug that our entire family had and had no problem getting over it in the same amount of time as we did (< 24 hours). This I tried to tell him was proof his immune system was as good as everyone else's.
He seems to be able to go days without any worries but then some little ache or worry comes up and he breaks down and can't function. I am at a loss. He has seen a psychiatrist, a psychologist, and has seen 2 different MD's for various symptoms that they either cure or dismiss. I am at a complete loss of what to do.
Sorry for so much information. I did not have a risk (I don't feel) but didn't know where else to post. He would be very upset with me if he know I was posting this. However, I need to know if his 20 week test even if the symptoms he says he experiences are real is conclusive that he does not have HIV as he has been told by 2 MD's and the clinic he got tested at that he is in the clear.
Sorry for the long post but really want an honest answer from some of the experts I see in here. I just want my husband back. I have forgiven him but he can't seem to move on and forgive himself!
Thank you!
This is a last resort post as my husband has been overcome with anxiety regarding HIV fears. First, I am sad to say that not too long ago I learned of an affair my husband had with another woman. The affair had ended months before I found out and in that time he had an HIV test. After discussing this with him he stated the test was roughly 20 weeks since his last unprotected sexual encounter with this woman. I have seen the test results and it is negative. He says it was an ICMA antibody test whatever that means. Although we have had a lot to deal with I have come to forgive him and now want my life back but he can't seem to overcome his fears. I have been watching some of the posts here and on the body.com and everyone states that 12/13 weeks is conclusive. My husband keeps complaining of severe dry mouth over night which mostly goes away during the day. He also seems to think he has a white tongue/thrush which 2 Dr's said it was not. Now he thinks these little white bumps on his tongue are signs of HIV. I will say he now brushes his teeth about 5x a day, takes 3 different types of mouthwash 3-5x/day and always has breath mints in his mouth. He also brushes his tongue frequently. He claims it's to get rid of the dry mouth. His tongue looks perfectly fine to me regarding thrush but I do see a couple of little Ulcers. I think it is because of all the work he does in his mouth. He also claims to have had swollen lymph nodes under his arm that only last a few days. Again - he has seen a Dr. for this and the Dr. said if it doesn't go away in a few weeks come back. Of course they did.
Now I do believe my husband when he says he doesn't feel right. However, I think it is self inflicted through stress/anxiety or through everything he is doing to his mouth. He has been in general good health. He even had a stomach flu bug that our entire family had and had no problem getting over it in the same amount of time as we did (< 24 hours). This I tried to tell him was proof his immune system was as good as everyone else's.
He seems to be able to go days without any worries but then some little ache or worry comes up and he breaks down and can't function. I am at a loss. He has seen a psychiatrist, a psychologist, and has seen 2 different MD's for various symptoms that they either cure or dismiss. I am at a complete loss of what to do.
Sorry for so much information. I did not have a risk (I don't feel) but didn't know where else to post. He would be very upset with me if he know I was posting this. However, I need to know if his 20 week test even if the symptoms he says he experiences are real is conclusive that he does not have HIV as he has been told by 2 MD's and the clinic he got tested at that he is in the clear.
Sorry for the long post but really want an honest answer from some of the experts I see in here. I just want my husband back. I have forgiven him but he can't seem to move on and forgive himself!
Thank you!
Thank you very much for responding. My plan is to show this to him and hopefully this will convince him! We made it through the affair but I don't know if we can make it through this as it completely inhibits his ability to function as a dad or husband. I've never seen anything like it.
His test is more than conclusive. He did not contract HIV. You both can rely on the tests as being 100% accurate.
And, before your mind starts getting away with you....NO, there is nothing (illnesses, medications, etc) that would have caused a "delayed" a positive result. Also...as the two experienced HIV docs on the expert forum have said time and again....the idea that people have the virus but don't test pos for a LONG time (or ever) is completely an urban myth and untrue. If his test was negative, then that means he does not have HIV, plain and simple.
Chronic severe anxiety can cause a plethora of very real physical symptoms...and if left unchecked, can make a person very unwell. I strongly suggest that you continue to support him as you have, and insist that he continue with his psychotherapy. He needs to be able to move past this fear and be able to accept that he is negative.
And, before your mind starts getting away with you....NO, there is nothing (illnesses, medications, etc) that would have caused a "delayed" a positive result. Also...as the two experienced HIV docs on the expert forum have said time and again....the idea that people have the virus but don't test pos for a LONG time (or ever) is completely an urban myth and untrue. If his test was negative, then that means he does not have HIV, plain and simple.
Chronic severe anxiety can cause a plethora of very real physical symptoms...and if left unchecked, can make a person very unwell. I strongly suggest that you continue to support him as you have, and insist that he continue with his psychotherapy. He needs to be able to move past this fear and be able to accept that he is negative.
read the health pages link at the top right hand corner of this page.
if your husband is having health and/or anxiety problems...he should seek the help of a physician. his test prove that he does not have hiv.
if your husband is having health and/or anxiety problems...he should seek the help of a physician. his test prove that he does not have hiv.
Even with those symptoms? I admit now that he has shared his symptoms with me I started doing my own research which makes me slightly nervous. This damn internet!!!! I convinced him to have unprotected sex with me recently (3 times) to show how confident I was in his test results and what the specialists said. He did not finish any of the times but certainly there was precum.
Argh! Can I ask how you can be so sure and anyone else willing to chime in would be helpful.
Argh! Can I ask how you can be so sure and anyone else willing to chime in would be helpful.
your husband's test ARE conclusively negative...proving he did not contract hiv.
anxiety is more than likely causing all his "symptoms"...it's not hiv.
anxiety is more than likely causing all his "symptoms"...it's not hiv.
I'm no expert, but I understand what he is going thru. I had sex with a woman on December 11th without my wife's knowledge and I too am now concerned if I contracted something. I tested what my doctor's call "false positive" on the ELISA rapid test, but tested negative on the Western Blot test. Which according to my doctors make me negative and need to be tested again in 2 months.
But I did push the issue and had them do the RNA test, which I hope to have results in the next few days. I'm scared and find myself feeling every little think in my body, like a slightly sore throat and thinking its a symptom...driving myself crazy.
The best thing I can suggest is that you provide him love and support while he goes thru this. He really needs you right now. I'm sure (as I am) he is afraid of passing it to you if in fact he has it. I feel the same fear. My wife is supporting me and we've committed to get thru this no matter what the outcome. We've been married 18+ years.
I'm a little confused about the time table as well...My doctor has told me an RNA test can detect just after 2 weeks of exposure...which is why I requested the test. They said if it comes back negative then I do not have HIV. But to be certain I'll be testing (and so will my wife) out to the 6 month mark.
Hope my thoughts help....I do wish you and him the very best.
But I did push the issue and had them do the RNA test, which I hope to have results in the next few days. I'm scared and find myself feeling every little think in my body, like a slightly sore throat and thinking its a symptom...driving myself crazy.
The best thing I can suggest is that you provide him love and support while he goes thru this. He really needs you right now. I'm sure (as I am) he is afraid of passing it to you if in fact he has it. I feel the same fear. My wife is supporting me and we've committed to get thru this no matter what the outcome. We've been married 18+ years.
I'm a little confused about the time table as well...My doctor has told me an RNA test can detect just after 2 weeks of exposure...which is why I requested the test. They said if it comes back negative then I do not have HIV. But to be certain I'll be testing (and so will my wife) out to the 6 month mark.
Hope my thoughts help....I do wish you and him the very best.
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