You know I logged on this morning hoping/praying one of you would have had something incouraging to say to me, maybe even just ask me how I'm feeling, and NOTHING... you all welcome new people post to them once or twice and then retreat back into helping, encouraging, and checking in on your little group of oldies. I think its ****, you act like your all here to help new people and old and that your SOOOOO excited and happy to welcome new people on until the 2nd time they post. Maybe I'm just feeling crabby from day 2 of w/d but I tell ya what I'm feeling much better get this off my chest. And sorry to tell all of you but I don't feel that bad, I've been better but I've had the flu that was worse than this.....so in conclusion (and I'm sure none of you will wvwn see this since your sooo busy looking for each other and wonder how good or bad you circle of buddies is doing) I will NOT be coming back to this site, I find that what I need is a site/place where people are a tad bit more psoitive and actually moving towards recovery, reliving your issues and habbits is not moving towards recovery its moving towards relapse. Ttry talking about something new for a change, everytime i logged on her eall I read was stories about pills, how ya got, how bad you want 'em..... I mean come on doesn't that just make it worse for you? I know it did for me. And just take a look at how many of you have relapsed....its just something to think about. I know I'm not perfect and I can't say I will stay on the straight and narrow, butI'm trying and everyday it gets a little easier and not coming here I'm pretty sure will help. Before you (any of you) take the time to rip me a new one because I'm only 1 1/2 days clean or whatever stop and spend the itme it would take to write to me and really think about what I'm saying, read old posts and just see if anything I've said holds any truth....

Well ran out last night as expected decided not to grab the 30 figured I was just prolonging the process, so its been since last night at 10:00om, and it's 11:30 am now, so far I'm crabby, had MAJOR sweats last night, got the whole bed wet... yawning a lot and thats about it. The valium help I slept through the night and I took half today to help with the anxiety. Just thought I'd check in anyway, talk to you all later I'm going to try to catch a quick shower and nap...

I just want to say GL to you, and from this point you sound determined, that is a plus. Stick with that.
I worry too soo sooo much about my children..that is why NOBODY can know...I have confided in my Dr, best friend and this forum...and my mother of course...but other than that..nobody else will know. I just like you feel I can't chance that. My Dr is great and understanding...he already knoew I was addicted so I really did not have to say much at all. But he also knows it was a possibility when he gave me the meds and knows of the pain I suffer. So...with that being said..it isn't always our fault we started this drug, or whatever drug of choice that may be..most of us started for legitimant pain and then before we know it, it has been all we have known for a long time. It helps with the pain, but at the same time we suffer w/d's if not sticking to our "Self Prescribed" dose.
I am in no way saying what we do is "ok", or that I agree with what we are doing...however it was not just us alone who got us here. But it has to be us alone to get out of here (commitment, strngth,determination, etc) ...make sense?
And with the help, love and support from this forum and anyone who is close to us that supports us as well. it sounds to me as if you have the complete package, so now all you have to do is get it done hun.
We are ALL here for you!
Huggs
Tracy
ps:
I really should follow my own advice...though I never do. So much easier to express it to someone else and try to help them, than to actually do it myself. :(

As noted, everyone is different - if I had to guess, I'd say you will have WD's. Granted, the severity really depends on your body. Even then, it can be different time to time. I remember reading once, every time you go through WD's, it is harder than the last time. From *my* personal experience, that's BS. It makes sense that it would, heck, I was convinced it would be harder. My hardest time was my 1st. The 2nd hardest time, was... like my 6th? try. I've had situations anywhere from feeling really bad for a week, then almost changing over night, to wondering "why am I not feeling normal WD's???".

I suspect you will go through WD's, and through my personal experience, tapering does not work. At least, I don't think 30 pills will help. If you could taper (and stick to it) for 1-3 months, maybe... but every time I tried, I cheated at some point (I'll take 1 extra today, and "borrow" it from 1 next week). I think it's possible, but I think it needs to be done at such a minimal level, it's not possible with Dr assistance, and someone to hold your pills.

Who knows, maybe you are stronger than me -- but I personally feel I'm a strong person - though pain pills definately put me in my place.

Good luck to you no matter what you try. :)

Wow, I'm sorry I offended you.
If I asked you if you thought of yourself as an addict would that be to strong?
If I asked you are you powerless over drugs and has your life become unmanageable would that be to strong?

Would it matter if I told you I was an addict for 36 years and will be for the rest of my life?
Would it matter if I told you I have now been sober for over a year?

Recovery from drugs, pills whatever your drug of choice is very hard.
If I got your attention I'm glad, if your here for information and help that is fantastic, there are some wonderful people here that will always be here for you. But if your offended because I asked you a question I am truly sorry.

good luck

Sorry for my manners,

Welcome and I am very glad there you here.......

No those questions aren't to strong, but your previos post was. You got my attention but not in a good way, in a "god I'm sorry for the person that gets you as a sponser" kind of way. I'm not an idiot I know I've let the pills get out of hand but I'm also not someone who has abused drugs all my life, this is the 1st drug I've ever taken and 8months does not make a life time, since I'm here reaching out OBVIOUSLY I think I have a problem, and OBVIOUSLY I'm ready to work on it...maybe you could work on your approach!

Hey....Welcome to the forum. I hope you get what you need from us...if nothing else we will be supportive and honest with you.  It is great that you have recognized that you have a problem...that's a great starting point.  You are the only one who can decide that it's time to stop and get off this rollercoaster. Whether you do this c/t or taper is up to you...we are not trying to scare you with stories about w/d. They are real and everyone experiences them differently. The more information you have about other's experiences, the more prepared you will be. It is not pleasant and can be incredibly difficult and you feel like giving up at times, but getting back your real self is worth the struggle. I pray you keep the strength and keep heading in the right direction. We are all here to help you so post anytime...someone will always be there to talk and support you!
Peace,
Marcie

I would like to try again:

Your cold symtoms are withdrawls your in what they call the first stage.
It is the easiest of withdrawls.

I'm a little tired and have been working all day but I'm glad I got your attention.

good luck

Your response has put me off a little for a couple reasons... 1. why are you being so hostle towards me I've just strated posting and I don't think was asking question that warrented such an aburpt answer. 2nd I have stopped as I said in my second post i've gone a few days at a time with out and felt like i was about to get the flu. 3rd. I didn't come here to get jumped on so if you don't have something helpful to say you can please just not reply to me at all...

I thought I would mention a couple of things about w/ds
There are three stages of w/ds
I am third stage
what that means is even if I binge one night I go to full blown w/ds terrible Diarrhea, vomiting, flu symtoms the whole package.

1st stage,,,,very tired can sleep for hours and hours at a time.
2nd stage,,,,very tired, flu symtoms, sweats
3rd stage,,,,flu symtoms, Diarrhea, vomiting, sweats.

What stage also depends on time of abuse. Some can relaspe for one day and not be to bad, others binge for one day and go straight to stage three.

I wasn't sure if you knew this information about w/ds

take care,

You are more than welcome....you will come to find that there is TREMENDOUS support here, and a ton of information. I knew I had a problem but was NEVER READY or willing to let go before I found this forum.
I have been here now roughly 3 months...and it is the best site I have found anywhere.

The restlessness you mention..that is definately from the w/d's....I get to where my legs want to run off and it is horrible. Someone once said, it felt as if their legs were ready to run a marathon..that is EXACTLY how I feel...it is called restless leg syndrome (rls) something I assume passes after your body re-adjusts to not wanting/needing/ having the opiate.
Post as much as you can...it really helps. I am also glad to hear you have a very supportive b/f...that also makes a huge difference. Because although I love everyone here in this forum..some physical contact would be nice once in a while...even just to hold me while I cry and tell me it will be ok.
So I am glad you have the added support at home!

Stay with us and keep us posted..ask anything you want and say anything you want here hun!
Huggs
Tracy

Beachtowel thank you I apperciate your honesty and your help. I'm hoping that it's not horrible but I also hope its not so easy that I start to think "hey it wasn't that bad" and relapse. I have a feeling that it will be borderline based on the few times I've gone 2-3 days without, I know it won't be easy even if I feel physically ok, I know the mental can get ya down just as much. I'm so tired of doctor jumping going to appointment, after apointment with some *BS* story hoping to get a RX and then a possible refill. Found 1 doctor that handed it out like candy but he retired (probably for the best) anyway I've only taken 6 today and its 7:37pm where I live I know thats no miracle or anything but its REALLY good for me. I have valium, and flexeril to help with sleep so I'm going to take a valium before bed and hope to sleep through the night. And tomorrow shot for 5 vic's and 1 valium to sleep, I can't taper off over three months but I figure I can sure try to drop one pill a day take the valium to get through the night and hope when I get to one vicodin I'll be able to function. I'm keeping an open mind, doing a ton of praying and reminding myself W/D WON'T kill me, but stick on this drug is kill who I am inside. Good night and thank you

If I could relax you with this people don't die from not having pain pills. Heroin users can have Seizures with a lot of use and sudden stops.
You won't die but you will endure some strong discomfort.
If you have a doctor it is possible he is licensed to treat addicts. A doctor can write for subutex, it is the best for oppiate addicts to ween off oppiates.
It helped me tremendously.
Keep checking in here and ask questions people are here to help.

take care

One thing about me is that I take my sobriety very serious. Recovery is very hard work and one thing about an addict he can sure tell when someone trying to bullshit him or her.
They can lie to love ones,,wives, husbands even moms but another addict Especially this one is very hard to bullshit.
I am a sponser and I am tough like my sponser was with me. I wanted to get rid of him so many times but I realized he won't let me get away with anything. I tried my way so many times this guy had 22 yrs of sobriety.
so many here are still stuck in addiction some I want to strangle some I would hug and some when I lay down at night worry about a lot. Hubbyshelper is an innocent good lady so worried about her addicted husband and is desperately trying to help him.
If I knew where he was I would drag him out of the house and drag him into a detox. He has a beautiful wife with two kids and wants to lay in bed drowing in self pity with threats of suicide if he doesnt start feeling better.
Today it got to me and I had no right getting short with you, again I'm sorry I hope you can forgive me.

You amaze me with your strength, it's never easy to apologize and you've done it with grace, diginaty and humanity and for that you are my hero of the day. I have a hard time asking for help so when I do I really need it, so far this site has given me both information and hope. I know I won't die from this, but as I said before my true self is disapearing rapidly and I fear she will be die if I don't make a change. I'm hoping to get through this with all of you and my family who all knows the truth and is backing me up. I worry about talking to my doctor for fear he might call CPS I have 1 child almost a year old and I cannot live without him!! I think I'm going to try this whole taper/valium/pray opition and if I can't make it then try the doctor. Thanks again

Your question is interesting, it also tells me that if you don't know the answer that means you have never stopped.
Everybody is different, you know you could always answer your own question and stop!

Hey thanks for welcoming me, and for your honesty... i know I can get at least 30 more if I really need to so maybe I will get those and try tapering instead of ct. I told my boyfriend today (a non-user) and he agree to help me in anyway possible, so i could give thme to him and let him give me the right dosage at the right time. I have noticed when I don 't have any for a couple of days I feel restless but thats about it, so maybe thats w/d??? I've gone up to 3days without but always take 4 as soon as I get them, I usually feel like I'm ABOUT to get the flu for those 3days but never worse than that. I'm happy to find some support on here... I read someones post about positive thinking I like that idea too, I've spent the last 3days thinking "this is going to suck, this is going  to suck...." I suppose thats not very helpful, so taper and think about how much better I'll feel in a week. Hope this works tired of being BROKE and feeling guilty!

Hi and welcome to the site....

ALl I can really say is...everyone is different. However, chances are on the doses you speak of, you will go through w/d's.
I too started on them well for back surgery, then was on them again shortly after for a broken ankle and never stopped. This was 3 years ago..although I have never taken 4 at a time, most I would take is 2, I take the same dose as you...I also have never taken 20 in a day..but have gotten to 12 in a day.

I suffer horrible w/d's....so I could not go c/t....I tried to taper with a friends help.
I am not clean...I slipped a few times, but I am not using them as badly as I was but need to stay off them just the same.

I would suggest this for you:
Taper yourself off those that you have now..that is the best route to go. But you have to discipline yourself and stay strong, or like I said above I had my best friend hold my meds and dispense them to me.

If you just want to go c/t you can do that as well. Everyone is different so I can't say you will suffer bad w/ds, and it is always possible you won't suffer any as well.
It is really hard to say..but from what you have said, and you are already scared..try weening yourself off of them.
I did 3/day, which was 1 each 6 hours. Then after a week of that I went down to 2..
But with only having 15 you will have to compromise a little more.

I hope this is of some help....you need anyone to tal to we are all here for you!

Huggs
Tracy