Girl.....You can read your frustration.....Adn girlfriend, just breathe...

Take a break..and breathe...Yes, your right its the pills..but two steps back...I remember when I felt that anger and it was just uncontrolable....I get it..but breathe....and stop being so hard....Let it go...Look at the damage it is doing to YOU!!!

Only you is it hurting so much...Its like you have one foot in yesterday, one foot in teh future..and here you are pissing all over today!!

I dont know if you got my email..but heres mine ***@**** Whatever you chose to leave the board or to stay..but either way...stay in touch...You need us as much as we need you......now woman...Breathe...take a break and just let it go...easier said then done..but its just damaging you....

Its more energy to hold it...than it is to laugh it away!!!

Girl.....You can read your frustration.....Adn girlfriend, just breathe...

Take a break..and breathe...Yes, your right its the pills..but two steps back...I remember when I felt that anger and it was just uncontrolable....I get it..but breathe....and stop being so hard....Let it go...Look at the damage it is doing to YOU!!!

Only you is it hurting so much...Its like you have one foot in yesterday, one foot in teh future..and here you are pissing all over today!!

I dont know if you got my email..but heres mine ***@**** Whatever you chose to leave the board or to stay..but either way...stay in touch...You need us as much as we need you......now woman...Breathe...take a break and just let it go...easier said then done..but its just damaging you....

Its more energy to hold it...than it is to laugh it away!!!

Thnx g/f....ok hope to see you in the morning! Will check my e-mail here in a sec too.

Huggs
Tracy

I am so proud of you right now, my god girl.  What you have done takes courage and strength.  Two qualities I hope I one day build enough of.  Yeah what you did was a clear and obvious moment of weakness, but please know this I will never, ever judge you for that because we have all done things we are ashamed of at one time or another.  It is hard for us as addicts, I know that it would eat at me inside if I knew friends had a script and I knew they wouldn't use them.  Self control, self control. I will be quite honest, your post of admission truly makes me admire you more just that much more.

Thank you for being here, thank you for speaking out and thank you for reminding us that we are all human.

Now back to watching my one nut dog, I tell you girl that boy just isn't right, he's more than a few bites short of a bowl of kibbles.

hun tyvm.....you have helped me allot as well, specially these past couple days.

I appreciate that and your support. And I am soo sorry about your UNO.


LMAO

Hugs hun
Tracy

Gm all....the past few days I am just a ranting hormonal B**ch....I am leaving/I am going..I want meds/dont want meds...need meds/dont need meds...STOP this HELL!
I don't know which way I am going.

IN Creeks last few posts....I feel her like I am her these past couple days. I feel allot of rage, sadness, helplessness, and so out of control.
I have stuck to my plan all this week, and one would think my body would adjust BY now...been on halfs twice a day all week. With the exception of two mornings I had a whole...but I mean c'mon already Tracy! I am so frustrated I just want to put both fists through the wall...kick and scream until I am DONE doing so! I mean is this ALL b/c of these damn pills or have I turned into something else along the way. I am just soooooooooooooo angry, no let me re-phrase: damn right PISSED Off actually. But at myself and the situation (my addiction)...not at anyone else...or anything else.
Yes the past is the past...I am done with that mistake I made the other night but I did want to publicly apologize to the person this involved also publucly.
But that isn't what is wrong with me like I said....the past 2 days I am ready to rip out all my hair, I mean WTF? I feel like I am someone else in my own body right now.

Bottom line...we're only human...we all slip up but you handled the sitation with grace and dignity (I know you weren't feeling dignified but it took a lot of guts to come clean)..You need to stay with this forum and we need you too!

Well girl, I need you here....I missed ya big time not having you ont he board while you were away......Listen..Iw ould have cracked.....I have wanted to....When I first came here...and I was reading aobut you all tapering and blah blah...i thought...hook a sister up man......I'll buy a few...lol..but really I did.....

Hearing about others having pills...and me not....It plays on your head........I think we concetrate too much on that around here...rather than the emotions and cravings .....I think apart of recovering is reconizing that...Identifying that......and the awareness of realizing who we are.....underneath all that fun stuff.....

Yes we crack, yes we slip, its all apart of it...No one can tell you, you arent ready...you are when you say you are..if you have to fake it till you make it, then do it.....if you become human in the middle of that...Identify it....and then we learn to know where our speed bumps are.........and everything else will fall into place.......but we have to do the work...I believe that.....

I know this situation is a hard one to swallow, but you can't let all this negativity control your decision on wether to leave or stay... You did the right thing by coming clean and apologizing.. I agree you were the adult by leaving names out and I comend you for that.. Please don't leave this forum we need you.. Yes you made a mistake I like to think of it as a momentary lapse of reason, but you also apologized for it and that should be case closed.. Don't waste another minute focusing on how you could have handled the situation different you will only drive yourself crazy.. Bottem line--You made an error in judgment--You realized you made a mistake---You apologized.. Now if that person does not want to forgive you and move on then you just have to realize you did all you can do to resolve the situation.. Please don't leave based on someone elses decision to be childish on this forum, you deserve to be here and be heard.. I know I keep telling you that but I am going to keep telling you that as long as you will stay and listen!!!  We will just have to make a decision to leave the past in the past and move forward--like my daughter would say "that is so yesterday" Stay Tracey we need you girl!!!!

i know how hard it is to be open and honest, especially out in public. you may have slipped in a moment of wekness, but from reading this post i think you have learned alot about yourself and are heading in the right direction. we all slip, some more than others, but we slip none the less. and you got yourself right back up and kept moving forward. thats something in itself for you to be proud of. Remember Guilt will get you nowhere but down. you did the right thing and the best thing for yourself trying to recover.

i'm off to bed, i sent you an email. IM me in the morning. i'll be on around 7am central time.

xtra HUGGS to you tonight
Tink

Gipsee I have been fighting the guilt of putting a friendship on the line with my request in my moment of weakness.  At the moment I was justifying in my head, she has done this for other/s in need and my god I was in need, and as an addict I was thinking about the full bottles all over your house that you are proud of never touching.  Just as it is hard for you to visit this site, as it reminds you of what you once lived, your mention of the many bottles around your home just had me thinking like an addict. (I know I did apologize via e-mail but I would also like to do it here publicly as well)...it was not right to put you in such a posistion and for that I am sorry.

I admitted openly of my moment of weakness as I was over whelmed with guilt for not only my weakness but the position I put you in.  It would have been wrong of me to not be honest out in the open, my first step to recovery is to be honest to myself and others.  I was quite shocked to see your posts which to me felt like an attempt to humilate me as if I was attempting to destroy your life (home, business and recovery)

I will not use my addiction as an excuse, I was wrong in what I did and I hoped to not make excuses for my actions but own up to them, which truly helped me in this process.  I had purposly kept names out to secure the identity of the victim I left behind, I felt that your post was more of an attempt to draw attention to me and when that was accomplished you spent the rest of your post talking about the destruction of your own addiction and my role in it.  I am sorry that you feel this way. I did not feed into your addiction, I only fed into mine.

Forgiveness is a part of recovery...I am not asking you to forgive me..but as part of my own recovery..I am forgiving myself and being honest with myself..and that is another step towards me making my recovery successful.
Good luck to you and Take Care