I know what you mean.  I take codiene and it hasn't screwed my lie up yet and I get the prescribed I never take more then 4 per day and thats the truth people don't believe me but its true probably because it mixes well with grass.  I don't want to quit bad enough or I would.  I've had stronger stu hydro included doesn't appeal to me specially ater reading what havoc it plays.  Do you think codiene is just as bad. Am I deluding mysel it still work or my mild pain  i I had severe pain I'd probablt want something stronger Are you like me and don't think your that bad do you really want to quit.  I you do then you can but you hAVE TO WANT TO STAY SCARED ITS HEALTHIER.

Hang in there......
Its tough and isnt easy...at all.....it becomes a habit that is very hard to break, mental, physical, and cravings dont at all help....and its just a matter of going against the grain..There is no special cure or litlte miracle..the only thing is to......go thru it...

All I know is, you arent alone in your struggle.......someone is always around

Im sorry I cant stay..I have to run......but please take care of yourself..and reachign out does just that..

C

For me, I just hated the thought of taking more and more pain medicine everytime my body became used to a certain level and I needed more.   I hate feeling out of control.  Also, the hydrocodone if I ever took 10mg at once made me itch like crazy. This forum has been very informational.  Everyone here seems to get anything you say.

You hit bottom when you stop digging. I think most will agree that you need a partner to taper,,to hold your pills and its still hard but people here have done it,,gl

There was a time when I knew I was addicted, it hadn't screwed up my life and frankly it wasn't all that bad (except for what seemed to be an excessive amount of money).  That, however, was just a phase - if addiction remains active, it gets worse (and worse and worse and worse) and it will screw up your life in ways that I bet you can't imagine now.  I couldn't imagine that the things that happened to me could ever happen, but they did.  Hell, sometimes it's hard for me to believe that it really happened and I was there the whole time!

Here's something I wrote on this forum on 1/16 regarding that early period of my addiction:

I started with Darvocet back in 1997 - just once in a while at first, but soon frequently. Then I moved on to hydrocodone and oxycodone when I could get it.

One day back when 5 or 6 Darvocets would last me all day, I was walking by an office building with reflective windows. It was like walking by a block-long mirror that went up too high to see the top. I had a GREAT Darvocet buzz on. Life felt good and I was quite please to be a part of the show.  I remember looking at myself in the "mirror" as I clipped along the sidewalk.  I was very pleased with what I saw. It wasn't that I thought I was particularly great looking or anything like that. I just thought I looked "very together" - something like that. I felt oh so good and happy to be alive. My secret buzz was like being in love or something. My secret buzz somehow made me just a little bit better than everyone. I just felt (and thought I looked) in control and unstoppable.

So, I was quite suprised when a question was posed to me in what almost seemed to be an audible voice: "ARE YOU GETTING INTO TROUBLE WITH THOSE THINGS?" I was so starlted by this unexpected question that I atually answered my own refliction out loud: "NO! I'M FINE!" I didn't know at the time that it was the beginning of the countless lies I would tell to myself over the course of my addiction.

At the time I didn't WANT to give up my Darvocets - they made me feel GOOD and I deserved them. Unlike drinking (which I had finally and fully given up 9 years before), they didn't make me act like an idiot or get me into trouble. Indeed, people had been telling me that I "seemed nicer lately" and was "more fun to be around." Nor did they effect my work - I could work like a bandit on those things then. Besides, NOBODY KNEW.

I COULD have given them up back then, but I didn't WANT to. If I knew then what I know now I would have wanted to and it would have been easy. Now that I made it through active addiction without killing myself or going to prison (both of which I ALMOST did), I find that I'm almost at the point of the Recovery Promise that I do "not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it." Almost. The trip from "normal" life, to active addiction, to sustained Recovering has changed me and given me an outlook toward and appreciation of the world that I didn't (and couldn't) imagine was possible.

In a very real sense I feel blessed to have become a drug addict. Without it I never would or could have made the shift necessary to allow me to get where I am now. And (even though I'm still working my way out of the debt and other problems caused by my active addiction) where I am now is far better that where I was before I took the first Darvocet. It's as if BEFORE (even before the active addiction) everything was in black & white and NOW it's all in color - it's that significant of a shift.

On the other hand, thinking of someone I love having to go through what I've been through truly makes my heart ache. It would be too much to put anyone through. I can see that clearly when I think of one of my kids or friends being the one to suffer, but it's still hard to apply that standard to myself.

Your post scared the bleep out of me.

Addcition is scary and sometimes admitting it can be scarier but once you face it I think it helps to take some of the fear away! First hurdle is admitting we have a problem...next is to decide we have to quit..... now, what do we do to overcome our problem...that is the next big question. I think Tink's famous quote of "baby steps" applies here!  Just take it a day at a time and keep moving forward!
Marcie

I haven't had a chance to get back to this post, but i do love the encouragment here. I want to stop I just need to find my best way. Thank you all. I read this everyday and hope I find my solution to this nightmare.