i was just posting to you below.  I know your right and about having to be in w/d to go back on would totally suck (been there.... ya know)  It's just hard! me whining again.  What is it about "one last time...": sad, really sad.  More than likely I will take your advice.  It says somehting that I haven't yet.  I'll be posting a bunch on my damn birthday - I just hope Im not hurting.  Thanks steph, I know your right.

love, Tracy (it's time)

From my experience.. this is never a good idea.. i was a heroin junkie for a few years as a teen.. I had a friend who was on house arrest.. had gone through WD.. was going to jail in a few days and then to rehab.. he decided to use "one last time"  for old times sake.. he OD'ed and died..  the person that sold him the drugs was someone I was involved with at the time.. i had to testify.. he went to jail for a very long time...  So many lives affected from "one last time"....

ok  i needed that!!  thank you fladdict!! you better be around this weekend!!  LO)L  Like you don't have enough to worry about!!

love you and thank you,
Tracy

hi tracy...i think fladdict gave you some great advice and i totally agree with her.

a quick story...
my son davis was in jail for a month...and clean from crack.  he had 30 days.  he was out of jail for only one day before he was to go to a long term rehab...12 months.   i left that evening for only 30 minutes and when i came home, he was gone.   seems like my husband "believed" his story about wanting a few bucks to go to burger king.   i was livid...how could my husband be so freaking stupid?   i jumped in my car and took off to where i knew my son bought his crack from and apparently i just missed him.   when he came home it was obvious to me that he had scored.   i took him in his room and we laid across his bed.   as i was rubbing his back...and crying...i asked him why...why, when he had 30 days clean would he do that...knowing that he was going across the country and away from his family...the next morning.   his answer was "because i know that i will never do it again...never...and i just had to say goodbye to my old life".

so i understand where you are coming from...BUT...you don't have to do that.   if you have read any of my posts...and i know you have...then you know that i am going to say... FLUSH THEM...why have that temptation right under your nose.  be strong...stronger than you ever have.  the best present you can give yourself and your family...on your birthday... is to be clean and sober on that special day.

huggs,
kim

check you email in a few minutes...

AAAAWWWWW MAN, I know your right and I will try and accomplish that tonight when hubby gets home.  He is totally on that side of things and thinks I should just wait it out.  He doesn't really understand my desire.  I really don't either, just miss it sometimes.  I know that is hard to explain, but it's the truth.  It's like smoking (which I also do) and have tried to quit before.  It is like you miss the process of getting it, lighting it , etc.  It's not really the smoking directly, it's everything.  Does that make sense.  

I really value all of your opinions very much or I would not have told you so thank you very much for all that you've said.  I promise to re read it all before I make any decision.  Im not going to insult your intelligence and say ok, I'll do it right now, ccaaaattttccchhhhuuuu, all flushed.  But, I can honestly say that you all have impacted my life in such a positive way and I will think of all of you before I do anything.

Thank you again.  Im going to bed now w/ daughter #1 laying across me and it really makes me want to hit myself for even thinking that!!

goodnight,

love, Tracy