I am a smoking wife, and not proud. My husband hates it. Re the staying out "partying." I used to (and have recently started again) staying out late. But it is the pot. My husband makes such a thing of it, that I prefer to go and sit in the forest and smoke. Though I feel quite vulnerable there in a "public" place. I go to very quiet places.But still. I tell him I am out with friends. Or visitting people. It's easier.
I consider myself moderately functional. Two fantastic kids. Both unique but high achieving. I work, and have almost finished my law degree. Most people think I am a responsible middle class person I think. I work hard to try to have a respectable "veneer".
It's hard, because I love smoking, and my husband (together 23 years, he smoked a little in the beginning, but hasn't at all for about 10 years or more and was never really into it) really hates me doing it.
Wonder how it will all turn out.  

i am a young mum and my partner smokes a lot of pot. i dont know to what extent as he and i no longer live together due to the fact that the depression and lack of motivation caused him to not be able to keep a job down and as we have a baby together, i could not afford to have him live with me. our baby is now growing up beautifully and he is not here to see it. he lives in a house where he claims he can not cook in the kitchen as it is to dirty. he has type 1 diabetes (the type you are born with) and therefore has to eat healthy which he is not doing. he lives on frozen pizzas and chips. he is in a hole that he does not know how to climb out of. he and i are having problems in our relationship and while i dont think pot is the only cause, i think its a major one. i know he wants to get better, but he doesn't know how, and thinks there is no use trying as nothing will work. i told him the first thing is to find a room to rent but living on the dole its hard for him. i dont know if anyone will ever read this but im posting it anyway

I just lQQked at the date on this...this post is almost  ayr. old...it that person even here anymore???/  LOL

I agree with your comments about depression and marijuana. My husband never believes me when I tell him his mood changes when he tries to quit. I'm sure he doesn't perceive the differences the way I do. Perhaps that's part of the problem...while using you see yourself as the drugs make you see yourself. Make sense?

I was just thinking..when i am depressed all i want to do is sit in the chair..i have no motivation and /or energy...i certainly wouldn't be outpartyig g half the night....but ehn again...that's me

Agreed, something else here!

you're right tommm....  she certainly isn't going to get things "straightened out" while she's smokin' the reefer....  She will need to rid herself of this habit before the underlying issues can be resolved!

Trout

I was thinking the same thing mandee...  "They" say that pot is a "gateway" drug and for some people it is.  It wasn't for me but your description of her activities certainly points towards something besides pot.  An evening for a pot head usually includes a lot of munchies, a movie, and a nice comfortable couch..... not staying out partying all night.  I'd be a little suspicious of something else that might be going on.  

Trout

Weed is a major contributor to depression, so you are correct to be worried. She has already made a indirect threat of suicide, which in itself has to have you alarmed. Please, please, please, make sure she talks to someone.


I am not about to debate whether pot is good, bad, or otherwise.
What is concrete is it is a drug, and it is possible to become addicted, Both emotionally and physically. Though the physical withdrawal is minor compared to other drugs, it is very real.

Good luck to you, as depression can cripple your ability to live your life. I know things must be very hard right now. I hope things get better for you very soon.

Well for what its worth here is my two cents... I'm not in any way trying to scare you but I was a pothead for many years and have close friends and family that are avid smokers. IFor some reason I don't see her staying out all night smoking pot. Her behavior points to maybe another addiction she may have picked up. Maybe its alcohol or something but I don't see potheads partying all night long or having such depression and mood swings. It might not even have anything to do with any type of addiction just maybe she hit a major deppressive episode. However, the recent partying all night has me thinking..... Anyways, best of luck I will say a prayer for you and her. Maybe the wisdom needed for you to decide what to do to help will come from above. Much luv!

Hmmmmmmmm   I've smoked dope (recently quit 2 months ago) for better than 20 years and I can tell you that I never suffered from depression because of it.  In fact... I'm not sure that I've been depressed a day in my life.  A little down from time to time but certainly not depressed.  I put the pipe down 2 months ago and there was really no differnce from that day and any other day.  I didn't "withdraw" from it.... I didn't become depressed...  It was just over.  I didnt' crave it (except for the first few days or so) and I don't today.  

I really believe that drug use in general is a symptom of an underlying issue and that with or without drugs those issues still reside within the individual.  That's just me but I can tell you this... pot was the EASIEST thing I've ever quit even after smoking for half my life.  Of course every person is different and I realize that.  Who am I to say that pot doesn't make someone else depressed.... It very well might.  I'm just putting my 2 cents in......  :)

Trout  

You are not alone. I am currently getting a divorce for reason similar to your situation. My wife and I smoked daily for 34 years, I quit 2 1/2 years ago due to my own deppression and have made significant progress with my problems with depression. She has continued to use, hiding it an lying about it to everyone around her. she has been on antidepressants for 4 years now with no progress, in fact it continues to get worse. She to blames me and wanted me out of the house with no contact because that was the only way that she would be able to quit since it was all my fault. I have been out of the house now for 1 1/2 years, so now whats the issue. She is no longer functioning at a level that she had been. Her adult children are fed up and all that their concern does is make her more depressed. She is always telling tham that this is it she won't continue, only to crush their hopes later when it once again becomes clear that she is still using. It is sad. We all want her to regain her health both physically and emotionally. Addiction is a tough thing. Having been through it myself I know how difficult it is to deal with, but I also know the benefits I have recieved since I have quit using myself. My advice is to not get angry but to treat her as though she has a disease. Addiction is a disease. You can't make her stop but you don't have to enable her and you most definitely don't need to feel that in any way you are responsible for her actions. She alone is to blame for her addiction. AA and NA are great orginizations to look into for her and Al Anon would be helpful to you to understand what is going on in her situation and to help you eal with the pain that these situations cause the addicts loved ones. Best of Luck.

Been there done that

The thing that scares me the most is, what if I change the things that she has a problem with, will her attitude change then? Will her depression end? Will she stop smoking pot? I don't know the answers to these quesions but I am her husband and I am here to help her. Maybe she has been depressed her whole life and turns to the pot for "help" but now all she does is go out all night. I seriously don't know how long I can put up with the way she has treated me. The best thing might be for me to leave...I don't know. Its so hard to figure out the best course of action. All I know is that I cannot control anyone. She has got to want to get help. She agrees she has a problem with pot but doesn't want to completely quit. She says it helps her asthma. I am trying to hold on to see if she will change. I am hoping she will realize that our family is as important to her as it is to me. Another troubling factor is that she is a very functioning addict. She goes to work and does a great job even with all this going on. To our friends my wife is fine, but sometimes the people that seem the strongest need help the most. One of the couples we hang out with told me I was "inventing" a drug problem. If it weren't for my mother, brother and sister supporting me I would be going nuts. Some days I cry and just pray that this will all end and years from now we will be laughing about it. I am sitting at home tonight while my "friends" invited my wife to a party and not me, even though I was friends with them first! I think I might take my mom's advice and get new friends.

your post sounds so much like what i am going through. my boyfriend smokes weed and has smoked it for as long as i know. we've been together 11 years and the depression gets worst every year. now hes talking about suicide. i know its the marijuana. he is so moody. he is angry most of the time.nothing i say can change his mood at the time. ive been thinking about talking to a dr. and seeing about depression meds. he is also very thin, like your wife. i love him so much. i wish i had the answers for you. i posted because i saw such similarities. alot of the anger has to do with financial problems. he started a business and its not doing so well. i know he wont stop the pot, but i might be able to get him to try antidepressants. thanks for listening

Sounds to me like your wife is suffering from depression. Did she show any signs of this before you got married? Sometimes major life changes such as marriage can do this to a person. It is not at all your fault if this is the case. it is just a big change that some people have a hard time adjusting to. Just like moving to a new city. That might not even be the problem though. She might have been depressed all of her life and just hid it well. There are a lot of things it could be. She should definately see someone. Maybe start with marriage counceling and if she needs further help then go from there. The only thing is, if she mentions suicide again, you do need to get her to a specialist right away. I am no expert at this, but I do know that if she talks about driving off a cliff, she just might do it. I wish you luck. Sounds like you care for her a great deal. I hope she gets the help she needs.