I don't really got on this thread much anymore because of time. I have work and then my IOP. I don't have a computer at home so I connect via my blackberry. Fortunately it isn't too slow (thanks to edge technology) but it isn't as easy to type on the blackberry and I worry about logging on at work.

Today I took the day off to clean my house after days of yard work and getting dirt all over the floor so I got on quite a bit today. I am not able to read all the posts (wish I could) but it seems the ones I am reading have a lot of drama in them.

Which drama is good to a point. But I wish I could hear more real stories about struggles and also the joys. Maybe I am just not seeing those posts.

And I also know it is hard to read tone via a post. I put out a post regarding me being on suboxone and I wasn't meaning that I was upset at all. Rather I was just pointing out something that came to me today and I wanted to share. But I do appreciate all the posts from some of you for saying kind words to me.

And that brings me to my goodnight. It is so much easier to live in this world with people who care and want to help one another. Just today I found out a neighbors husband past away and it made me realize how short life is and how we shouldn't sweat the small stuff (my hubby and I were arguing about watering the lawn when I found out he passed) and I let go of my anger in that moment.

So I get on here and read some follow-up posts to a warning I put out. It was in regards to someone taking a s/n. Now I may be niave but I don't understand why someone would want to do that and why they would want to come on and mess with us that are living daily struggles. Why hurt someone when they are already down?

But then I decided I just don't care because they can't hurt me only I can hurt me and I have been for so long with pain meds.

Well tonight something amazing happened and I wanted to share. A long ago post I was venting about my hubby not supporting me in my recovery (well he of course wants me clean he just didn't want me on suboxone or in IOP). Anyway I was real scared our relationship may not work. Cause if he can't get onboard then well I would have to get off that bus. I loce him so very much but I knew I had to love myself first.

I was also worried that maybe he liked me broken. If anyone has seen "when a man loves a women" you maybe understand what I am getting at. In the movie Meg Ryans character is an alcoholic big time. Her husband (Andie Garcia) pretty much takes care of her and everything else. Meg in a sense is like another daughter to him. So I have been scared that my hubby wouldn't want me if I finally fix all the broken pieces in me.

So tonight I was telling my hubby how IOP isn't just about understanding my addiction. It is also about me gaining my life back. And my hubby blurted out "good. I am tired of having to do everything around here and I was starting to feel more like your parent then your husband.  He has no idea how much those words meant to me. And he also supports me 90%.  I can't say 100% yet. But just a week ago it was like 0% support. So I know he will bring that last leg on the bus.

My hubby is truly a great man. He sticks by me through everything and honestly I don't know how he does it. If he left me I wouldn't blame him one bit. Boy he really does take our wedding vows seriously!

So anyway tonight I am feeling very happy and guess what?  My happiness is real because it didn't come from a pill. Just a month ago I would not believe I could feel this good w/o a pill.  

So I sit here tonight typing away and I am wishing that each day all of you find something to keep your hope alive for a better future. Don't sweat the small stuff and remember always that if you are true to yourself and truly want to be happy in this life then one day you will know what it feels like to be happy and not on pain meds.

And if "you" are reading this and your intentions here in this forum are to create drama and stir things up well shame on you for taking advantage of people who are trying desperately to get their life back.

Happiness to all of you who are trying to get well. "You" deserve it and your are very strong and brave for trying to overcome your addiction.