Husband says he'll leave?

[IrmaJean45]

Hi, recently I got married and on our honeymoon he informed me that if I go to the bathroom  (pee or poop) or pass gas in our new house he will leave me as that is not acceptable to him. He says 7 Eleven in down the street.  Im so shocked because he never brought this up before we were married...we didn't live together. I honestly don't know what to do as we don't believe in divorce or annulment and he says it's normal for this situation to occur and he said just nobody talks about it.

[Taishay]

He is a **** get out before the other abuse starts!!!Run that is not a loving husband.

[Philliesgirl13]

How old are both of you? Did he have previous relationships?

Best of luck!

[RockRose]

Sorry,  it occurred to me that you meant to type "silly quirk".  

Well, how about you tell your husband's mother to use the bathroom somewhere outside her own house for a week and then decide how "silly" this quirk is.  

[IrmaJean45]

Thank you for your advice.  I talked to my pastors wife on the phone and they will help me with getting an annulment and go about getting my old apartment back. I talked to my husband about what would happen if I were to fall pregnant and he said that wasn't in the cards as babies are too messy and he deals with messes at the retirement home all day. That was a final straw for me, I realize I was too eager to marry and married the first man I dated. I hope I find sombody in the future who is good to me. My pastor said he's not the same as when we did counseling.  Thank you

[ninick]

IrmaJean45....I'm SO glad you've stopped making excuses to justify his bizarre behaviour. I do hope you go ahead with the annulment/divorce. He needs help, which him and his mother should seek. it's also commendable that you're being honest to yourself about this and taking steps to fix it...for your own self!

I now really really hope u stick with your excellent decision and don't fall for any "justifications" for this bizarre, unacceptable behaviour. U deserve to be with someone who has no restrictions on u or ur life. all the best!

[laurirenee]

Good for you, IrmaJean. By getting out of that bizarre, dysfunctional relationship early, you are saving yourself from years of misery. What he has exposed to you so far is only the tip of the iceberg.

[Nighthawk61]

Please stay tough and stay out of this sick person's path. You truly are saving yourself from a life of hell if you were to even consider his wishes. How could you ever trust anything he is thinking? I agree with the poster who said that he will treat his women as one would a dog. Disgraceful behavior and a very sick mind. Take you time, learn from this. As another poster said, find out all the answers before moving forward with anyone. Think of how you want yoru life to look like, and run it by the person you are considering as a mate. Think about how you want to raise your children, how many children, their schooling, their hobbies, do you want them to take ballet and soccer, and arts courses.? make sure they're the guy that will pick up the slack and do the good dad role, driving the kids to their after school activities etc. Do you want to upgrade your education, so that you will have your own security. Make sure your partner will be happy to help you do that. If they're hesitant about that, they may be control freaks. and have no faith that a women can enjoy a career and still be a good wife, and mother. I'm not suggesting working full time, but to love going to work is a beautiful thing. Think about and get a list of things that you want to make happen in a marriage. And make it happen. You can do it. Your kids will thank you for being a strong independent happy with their job and life mommy.

You have another chance to be happy. You're not missing anything by leaving this guy. He's not a keeper. Sorry you have to feel the pain of separation, but the fact is that you didn't do enough homework. Forgive yourself that. Everybody makes mistakes. Don't allow yourself be be stigmatized because your marriage has been annulled, or you are divorced. What does it matter when you finally find the man of your dreams. But first, you have to know what your dream man is. Make your lists, and find a guy that makes the simplest things fun. Like enjoying being a women, messy or not. It's deplorable, what he's expecting, like in the old days when a women on her menstrual cycle was considered dirty. How awful. Women  bleed yes, they also hold the key to carrying a child. Yes, messy. So what , when you think of what that "mess" creates. LIFE. This guy is dead inside. Good choice to have reached out for help. Your are truly in my thoughts and prayers. May the wind always be at your back, but if it isn't you'll want your partner to be able to help you stand the winds of time and  change.
God bless you and your real partner finding each other. It will happen. Have faith and patience. He's looking for you right now. You've made the right choice to be free, so you and he can find each other. You've spent a lifetime waiting, you can have the patience to hold out for YOUR mr. right. xo

[RockRose]

And I have to say,  if my fiance said I'm not allowed to do his laundry when we got married,  I'd have SERIOUS reservations about that man.  Sweety,  you've married a man who is mentally ill.  And somehow,  you missed it for the year you were dating.  

[RockRose]

IrmaJean,  it's time to leave.  Before you get too entrenched.  I strongly sense you won't do that,  and you're just trying to make this work out,  despite this man's disabling beliefs.

I don't now what a "dilly quirk" is, that his mom states he has.  His mom is completely enabling him,  and he's a loser of a husband.  

But again,  I strongly sense you won't take the advise you're given here,  and leave his crazy guy.  God only knows how he will react when you are pregnant and have those issues to deal with.  

[RockRose]

Sometimes someone says something so bizarre you will never forget it.  I honestly don't think I'll ever forget this post,  IrmaJean.

It's time to cut your losses and file for divorce or annulment.  When people ask "what happened - why are you divorcing?" and you say he told me I couldn't ever use our bathrooms in our house,  no one - NO ONE - will blame you for getting out.  

God knows what other very,  very bizarre requests this man will make.

[IrmaJean45]

Yes I talked to him after reading these answers and he said it's just not pleasent for him to share a bathroom with a woman because he used to be a custodian at Kmart and women are gross about bathrooms and also he doesn't want to see womanly hygiene products in the trash. He said he'll consider building a bathroom  on to the basement if I clean it every day.