Rape

I was raped twice by the same man. I don't know if it's considered rape though because I knew him and the first time he held me down when I said no. The second time he forced me into a bathroom and turned the lfghts off and forced himself on me. I was able to kick at the door for help.is this rape?

[AnnieBrooke]

Yes in both counts.  You did not consent, this is rape.  You should be talking to the police, sweetheart.  I know it takes courage, but think of what he is doing to other people less able to fight for themself than you are.  Good luck.

[margypops]

Yes to your questions, and please speak to the police before he injures another woman .

[cheshchesh819]

yes without a doubt this is rape and this man should be punished for what he has done to you and stopped from doing it to anyone else

[Gg12310]

I knew him though. And I don't think he even considered it rape. It was almost a year and a half ago

[allmymarbles]

It doesn't matter if you knew him. And if he doesn't consider that what he did was rape, then he is even more dangerous. Ask the police how to proceed.

[AnnieBrooke]

"Date rape" is rape.  And, yes, it is often reported rather late after the event, since the woman is confused by it and it takes some time to come to terms with even understanding that it was rape.  I would definitely file a police report.  If this is confusing to you, talk to someone at the DA's office.  They can provide you with guidance, and will surely be able to tell you stories of what happens when nobody reports one of those creeps.  It doesn't stop, it escalates.  Speak out if you can, someone else will be his victim who can't.  Good luck.

[Gg12310]

Is there anyway I can tell someone without him ever knowing it was me?

[RockRose]

Gg,  I don't understand what you're asking.  You want to report this to law enforcement but want them to pretend that someone other than yourself reported it?

That's probably possible,  but why would you want to do that?

Additionally at this point,  if you want to press charges against him (unless you're a child,  there's a lot more leeway there under the law)  you'll probably need witnesses at least to the bathroom incident.  Are they willing to testify for you?

Have you thought about counseling at a Rape Crisis center?

[Gg12310]

I don't want him to know it was me because I know he would just make my life horrible and so would all his friends. It would only make things worse if I go to the police. But I still want him to have consequences.

[RockRose]

Gg,  at this point maybe you need to have a completely different circle of friends and not socialize with the group of friends this guy has who's raped you twice.

If you're not willing to press charges (and at this point I'm not sure you'd get anywhere with that) maybe best to move on to a better crowd of acquaintances?

Best wishes.  It's hard to move on without seeing that he's had consequences,  but you can end up focusing your life on this while he's merrily trillying along with his life.  Don't let him take more from you than he already has.

[Gg12310]

Okay thank you. And just to clarify, they aren't my friends it's his. I don't associate with him at all or any of his group of friends. I would just be concerned about telling anyone because I know he would find some way to make me out to be the liar.

[kenneltech]

Of course it was rape as you said that he had to force you, and that you said no!  He should be turned in and go to jail as you don't know who else he is doing this to.  Get a restraining order and let him know you mean business.  Good luck to you.

[Gg12310]

Hello. I have another question. I'm beginning to date again and I told the guy I have major trust issues when it comes to guys and he asked me why and I told him i'd tell him some other time.
My question is should I tell him what happened? I don't know how guys would react to news like this and if it's something they'd rather never know about...? Any male opinions?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated thanks

[elliesmithy]

Heys I went through a similar situation with someone who had been a partner to me.I was scared to tall anyone still am and it still effects me 2years on.Telling someone is the best you can do.
I have dated since the incident and I don't feel comfortable at all with men. But I date a woman and I about 5months into the relationship I explained to her why I was so flinchy and not very trusting.She's understood and took on board. I'd hope thats what your other half would do for you. Because it is never an easy thing to deal with and you need a wee bit of support from the closest people you have.

Hope it helps x