Support Forums for Spouses of Addicts

[Hagendaaz]

Does anyone know of a good online support forum for spouses of Addicts, preferably prescription pill addicts.  I want to talk to others who are affected by wives or husbands who are abusing ... so that I don't feel alone.  My wife is a long time abuser.  I've come to realized that I'm am powerless, a meager blip on the radar that sweeps ever so cunningly for its next fix.  It is obvious that nothing else is as important as hydrocodone - I don't even know who she is anymore.  I work hard for our family and a good portion of the proceeds I provide are pissed away so that she can spend her time high as a kite in our bedroom that has affectively become her lair.   I cannot fathom the pursuit to waste away in such wretched state.  The compulsion draws lies and deceit that transcend the insult of infidelity.  Does anyone else feel as cheated and offended as me?  I wonder...

[jenna764]

I am not sure if I can even get through this post...first thank you for posting and starting what seems like a really compassionate thread that can be used by so many of us....I am the wife of an alcoholic/pain pill addict. Today I am at wits end and not sure what to do. I have spent 14 years being lied to stolen from and all around decieved and i am just not willing to do it anymore...We have a twelve year old daughter and she sees the total destruction of our lives and when she asked if she could have a friend over today i had to tell her no. when she was little i would try to have people over on the good days and try to hide the bad days...well i can no longer hide the person her father is from her nor her friends... it makes me sick to see the hurt and understanding in her eyes and know that she does not hate me for it but she is still confused...I am confused...i have worked hard for all of these years and i am about to lose everything that i have worked for...in reality its not the posessions but the independence...i work in a very public place and know everyone and have spent years trying to hide what my husband is...there is no rock bottom for him...he has been in jail for 6 months at a time lied and stolen from his friends and family and they all know it. he never contributes anything that he does not take right back and he sells everything that is not under lock and key..he has destroyed several vehicles and still somehow manages to keep his liscense. he has done everything from endangering our child by driving under the influence with her in the car as well as be arrested for having pot in our home... he was in a drug court situation two times for a total of 3 years and under constant supervision and had the most people trying to help him that i have ever seen..he has been through interventions and counseling and aa  and also NA . a year ago i made him move out and kept him out for 6 months. after six months out of our area he started to call our daughter and worked on her fragile mind and she begged for him to be able to move back in..he promised to go to church with us and fit into our lives the way they were...needless to say i found out that for the last 8 months he has been using and running up bills out of town and lying about where he has been...he sits in church and tries to pretend like it is all in the past...but ten minutes ago is not the past to me....sorry for rambling but i am just so distraught that i can only vent at this moment

[sandybeachgirl]

It took my former husband losing our home, his family and more and then over 2 years beyond us being separated and eventually divorced before he hit rock bottom and started to take AA seriously. He's been clean for almost 4 years and his new wife will probably and hopefully never experience the man he used to be.

[diva1957]

Dear ellibell, like you, I can sit and read the posts all day and not consider it a waste of time. I wish I could have my wife admit she is an addict and start reading these fab posts. I've only been here for a month and a little and already I feel I know and love all these anonymous people. They've helped with their answers and encouragements and simply by being there, worrying, like me.

[Nighthawk61]

I'm so glad that you posted and so eloquently described what so many feel. My husband and myself are both recovering addicts and clean since 1999.  We understand your feelings as a spouse of an addicted person and also of the person addicted. You are in our thoughts and our prayers. I hope that your wife finds the site, to help her quit and control this deplorable family disease. Perhaps there are reasons from her past that have contributed to her letting herself fall in such a wretched manner. She will find a forum to discuss these things if she is involved in a proper intervention process. We're so so sorry for how you are feeling, one day after the next, for so many years, it seems. The little ones need to be protected. If I were you I would cut her off financially. Period. What choice do you have. It doesn't sound like your wife is experiencing a great deal of regret, to me. I would hire a nanny to look after the kids while I was at work.  They know there's something terribly wrong. I think that it's time that they were made the priority, and i think that it would be good for your wife to know that they must now come first. I would do the grocery shopping myself, unless you get a nanny from a very reputable source, and then have her do this, with the children in tow. Please stop being taken advantage of, or it will be too late for you and your wife to find your way back to each other. As all of the loving posts here, we pray for you and hold you in our thoughts, and look forward to your post in the future that states that you have gone through the worst of it. Fare well, Hagendaaz.

[diva1957]

The question for me: how do you get the addict to admit she is addicted if she doesn't think there's anything wrong with what she does? If she feels entitled to draining us financially? How do you get her to go to therapy?

[Whyme3]

Maps123 I understand your pain to some degree. I will tell you a little of my back-story:
I recently found out that my husband was abusing and stopped using (cold turkey) pain pills all without my knowledge. He had not been hurt in an accident just decided that he would do them because his “friends” were. Money kept disappearing but I was very naive and had no idea what was going on. I was also preoccupied because when he started his heavy use of pills I became pregnant. I then had a miscarriage and had several medical problems due to it. According to my husband when he found out that there was no longer a heartbeat at the ultrasound he stopped using. Therefore, when I was having all my serious health problems he was going through withdraws which I thought was severe depression.

Sometimes when I think about it I just get so angry I want to scream and punch him in the face. I just don’t trust him anymore. It feels like I am his mom all the time asking where are you going, where is your tip money, do you have your list of your tables, blah, blah, blah that is not me and it is not the type of marriage I want to be in. We also have two children and I worry about them being alone with him durring the day and I absolutely hate that feeling. I just get so bitter and so depressed when I start thinking about it. However, most of the time I just feel so guilty because I feel like what if I put him in the position where he wanted to use.  I also worry about: how will I know when he is using again I couldn’t tell before- and it just *****... big time!
We are in marriage counseling which seems to work. This weekend we had a big fight (for us) and we were able to later the next day, after we calmed down and apologized for what we said, talk about what was bothering us and our feelings without each other getting upset. We are still not back to where we were before the drug abuse by any means but I feel like we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I hope this helped you out a little bit and good luck with your marriage and his recovery.