Aa
methadone, xanax, and vivanse
Hello to all. I have not posted in a while, but I'm having additional problems with my 32 yr old son. He is on 130mg of methadone and has started taking 2 to 3 bars of xanax daily and when he is awake he is a walking zombie. He went to a psychiatrist a little over a week ago and convinced him he is ADHD and got a prescription for vivanse. The police called me last Tuesday and had him pulled over due to someone calling in on him for his driving. The officer said he gave him a sobriety test and said he didnt really seem intoxicated and had me take him home and had his ride impounded due to no insurance. Well he got his ride out on Thursday and yesterday the police had him again, but let my husband go get his ride, but instead of charging him with a dwi he only got a pi, due to him being at a gas station when they found him and he was not driving. He lives with my mother and my brother and my brother told him he cannot live there any longer and my husband will not let him live here with us. My son says he does not need any rehab help and that he can put the xanax down because he usually pulls about an 8 day zombie state and then usually goes almost 2 weeks pretty sober and then repeats the cycle again. My question is how dangerous is this mix of the 3 drugs? The sherrif duputy told me on Wednesday to prepare for him to be dead in the next 2 weeks if he does not get any help. The only free rehad here does not accept anyone on benzos because they said it takes too long to detox and of the liability. Any feed back would be helpful. Can we force him into rehab? He has a 9 yr old son that he gets every other weekend and this scares me to death. We did not let him get his son yesterday which is a blessing because he got picked up yesterday, but of course because if was only a pi he was realased around 3 this morning. I hope this is not too confusing, i know i'm rambling, i apologize.
Thank you for sending that quote. Makes perfect sense. I am going to leave town for about 2 weeks on Wednesday. I'm taking my mother to her sister's in New Mexico for a visit. I think it will be good for the both of us to get out of town.
Its just not my oldest son's life that I have been living instead of my own. My youngest son is 27 and he was diagnosed with schizophrenia about 5 to 6 years ago. My husband and I don't believe its true schizophrenia, but rather a drug indused schizophrenia. When he is clean and not using he does not need his medication, but when he starts using again he starts up with the manic episodes. He is currently doing pretty good. Then there is my mother. My dad died almost 2 years ago and he was my mom's whole life. She doesn't drive and though I have 2 brothers she wants me to be the one that does everything. My husband & I quit going to our church so we could take Mom to her church. I'm the one that takes her to her dr. appointments, grocery store, wal-mart, dollar store, health food store, cemetary....just anywhere she needs to go. I usually take her to town 2,3 and sometimes 4 times a week. My older brother and his family live with her, but when she isn't feeling well she wants me to come and stay the night with her. I really don't mind doing this for her except I really like to be all by myself sometimes. I use to love to go to town by myself. Now anytime I leave my house to go anywhere she wants to go also just so she can get out of her house. I can see where she is coming from cos I would probably be the same if I were in her shoes.
My husband is my son's step father. To my son, my husband was his daddy. We married when he was 3 years old and my ex was not a part of my son's life and never has been (my ex's choice). My husband and I had a son when my son was almost 5 1/2 years old. It didn't take my son very long to figure out that my husband felt differently about him than he did his brother. This has always bothered and hurt my son and he has felt rejection his whole life. I guess I feel like its my fault because I'm the one that brought my son into this. It was not his choice for me to remarry and to have a step-dad. My husband admitted to us a while back that he guesses he felt like my son was just in the way and that he probably treated him like that. He expected my son to be perfect and when he wasn't my husband called him names like dumb ***, moron, idiot, dufus and he still does to this day. But he does also call our son and me names also, just not as much as he does my son.
Well I have rambled on way too much. I do thank you very much for your support. My son came over this morning for just a minute to borrow a fan and he still seems to be doing better. AND he showed up at church yesterday morning! I am very thankful. Thank you again for keeping in touch. I will keep y'all updated.
Deb
Its just not my oldest son's life that I have been living instead of my own. My youngest son is 27 and he was diagnosed with schizophrenia about 5 to 6 years ago. My husband and I don't believe its true schizophrenia, but rather a drug indused schizophrenia. When he is clean and not using he does not need his medication, but when he starts using again he starts up with the manic episodes. He is currently doing pretty good. Then there is my mother. My dad died almost 2 years ago and he was my mom's whole life. She doesn't drive and though I have 2 brothers she wants me to be the one that does everything. My husband & I quit going to our church so we could take Mom to her church. I'm the one that takes her to her dr. appointments, grocery store, wal-mart, dollar store, health food store, cemetary....just anywhere she needs to go. I usually take her to town 2,3 and sometimes 4 times a week. My older brother and his family live with her, but when she isn't feeling well she wants me to come and stay the night with her. I really don't mind doing this for her except I really like to be all by myself sometimes. I use to love to go to town by myself. Now anytime I leave my house to go anywhere she wants to go also just so she can get out of her house. I can see where she is coming from cos I would probably be the same if I were in her shoes.
My husband is my son's step father. To my son, my husband was his daddy. We married when he was 3 years old and my ex was not a part of my son's life and never has been (my ex's choice). My husband and I had a son when my son was almost 5 1/2 years old. It didn't take my son very long to figure out that my husband felt differently about him than he did his brother. This has always bothered and hurt my son and he has felt rejection his whole life. I guess I feel like its my fault because I'm the one that brought my son into this. It was not his choice for me to remarry and to have a step-dad. My husband admitted to us a while back that he guesses he felt like my son was just in the way and that he probably treated him like that. He expected my son to be perfect and when he wasn't my husband called him names like dumb ***, moron, idiot, dufus and he still does to this day. But he does also call our son and me names also, just not as much as he does my son.
Well I have rambled on way too much. I do thank you very much for your support. My son came over this morning for just a minute to borrow a fan and he still seems to be doing better. AND he showed up at church yesterday morning! I am very thankful. Thank you again for keeping in touch. I will keep y'all updated.
Deb
I saw a sign over the summer in a woman's shop and it kind of makes me think of this situation, "Nobody knows what I do around here until I stop doing it"
You said "My life has been put on hold for so long now because I have been living my son's life" Your son and your husband both have their own path and as much as you want to unite them or change the dynamics between them, it's not your responsibility. Some relationships like this (father/son) need to hit a bottom and they will never do that as long as we are there preventing it from happening.
No matter what I would certainly advise getting into your own recovery plan and to keep talking. You have so much to say that needs to come out and I can only imagine the personal goals that you have that may have gone on hold because of this family situation.
You deserve to focus on yourself. You deserve to be happy and to figure out what makes you happy. I used to think happiness meant just having a good day with my "alcoholic/addict"--- if they had a good day, I had a good day. Talk about my focus being way off the mark. Definitely keep us posted, thanks for coming back here and updating us, we are here to support you:D
You said "My life has been put on hold for so long now because I have been living my son's life" Your son and your husband both have their own path and as much as you want to unite them or change the dynamics between them, it's not your responsibility. Some relationships like this (father/son) need to hit a bottom and they will never do that as long as we are there preventing it from happening.
No matter what I would certainly advise getting into your own recovery plan and to keep talking. You have so much to say that needs to come out and I can only imagine the personal goals that you have that may have gone on hold because of this family situation.
You deserve to focus on yourself. You deserve to be happy and to figure out what makes you happy. I used to think happiness meant just having a good day with my "alcoholic/addict"--- if they had a good day, I had a good day. Talk about my focus being way off the mark. Definitely keep us posted, thanks for coming back here and updating us, we are here to support you:D
Wow. Caught in the middle of two strong personalities. No wonder you haven't been able to live your own life. Wouldn't it be nice if they could both just grow up and deal with their own issues without dragging you into it? Maybe that's a boundary you can work on? Let your husband and your son figure out what kind of relationship they will or won't have all by themselves? Your son decided to medicate away the stress and disappointment of his life. You are not responsible for that reaction.
Don't beat yourself up for your mistakes. We're only human. If we don't make mistakes we can't learn from them, right? Now you're learning. That's always a good thing. :-)
Don't beat yourself up for your mistakes. We're only human. If we don't make mistakes we can't learn from them, right? Now you're learning. That's always a good thing. :-)
Hello. Thanks for posting. Please pray for me to be strong and to work on my own recovery like you stated. I know I need to do this. My life has been put on hold for so long now because I have been living my son's life. He drains me. I will keep you posted.
Thanks again,
Deb
Thanks again,
Deb
Thank you for staying in touch. No, he is not really willing to go to AA or NA. I mentioned this to him yesterday or the day before and he told me he had gone to those meetings for approx 7 to 8 years and it just didn't help him. He just knows too many connections at those meetings and doesnt care to be around them. He is seeing a counselor at the methadone clinic. I'm not sure what all they talk about or how frequently they talk, but the counselor is there for Nathan to reach out to if he will.
No, I don't believe my husband will go with me to Al-Anon meetings. Please read my post to atthebeach, it kind of explains my husband's and my son's relationship. (Sadness) I also wish there were a roadmap to recovery, but I will follow your advice and learn what I can and do the best I can. I only hope I do what is right and don't continue to make mistakes where my son is concerned. I do know that I have enabled him because I always felt like my husband was too hard on him so I was way too easy. I always took up for my son when I was talking with my husband and always took up for my husband when talking with my son. I was only trying to get them to see each other's view. It mostly blew up in my face.
Thank you so much for your support,
Deb
No, I don't believe my husband will go with me to Al-Anon meetings. Please read my post to atthebeach, it kind of explains my husband's and my son's relationship. (Sadness) I also wish there were a roadmap to recovery, but I will follow your advice and learn what I can and do the best I can. I only hope I do what is right and don't continue to make mistakes where my son is concerned. I do know that I have enabled him because I always felt like my husband was too hard on him so I was way too easy. I always took up for my son when I was talking with my husband and always took up for my husband when talking with my son. I was only trying to get them to see each other's view. It mostly blew up in my face.
Thank you so much for your support,
Deb
So glad to hear that your family is doing much better and that y'all are continuing to heal. That is such great news and very encouraging for the rest of us.
I will definatley continue with my prayers and I gladly accept your prayers and blessings also. Thank you for your support.
My husband who is my son's step-dad has a real knack for rubbing my son the wrong way. Well, they do this to each other. They were on the phone with each other this morning because my son is having trouble with his ride. My husband got upset and started calling my son names, so my son hangs up on him and comes in my house and tells me the following:
"Well dad is probably mad at me. I just now hung up on him. I don't care if y'all (meaning me and my husband) will admit it or own up to it, but dad is alot of my trouble. I grew up with him always calling me names and me trying my hardest to be the best son I could and never being able to measure up. All I ever wanted was for him to love me like a son."
And then he left all upset. I tried to talk with him, but he just got in his pickup and left really mad. I was worried he might go get some xanax, but I talked with him for just a second a few minutes ago and he was not slurring his words and seemed alert. Thank God! I know this is something he is going to have to work through. I just really wish they could get along. My husband was really hard on him and did call him names when he should not have. My son has done a lot of things that he should not have, but it was only after he got on the drugs. My son was 3 yrs old when I married my current husband and my son's biological father and his family have not been a part of my son's life, so his step-dad is the only dad he has ever known. My son loved him like he was his father, but my husband just recently admitted to my son and I that he probably felt like my son was in the way and probably treated him like it as well.
My son told me that he had put up with name calling all his life and now he is 32 and he isn't going to put up with it any longer. I don't blame him at all. It was though, his decision to do the drugs and I wish he could see that. I had a horrible childhood as well, but I didn't turn to drugs and I dealt with it and tried to move on. I could easily have blamed it on my parents and cut them out of my life, but I chose not to do that. I only hope and pray that Nathan (my son) can come to terms with everything that has happened and make a better life for himself. I have been in the middle of the two of them my whole marriage and that is almost 29 years now. Please pray with me about all of this.
Hugs & blessings,
Deb
I will definatley continue with my prayers and I gladly accept your prayers and blessings also. Thank you for your support.
My husband who is my son's step-dad has a real knack for rubbing my son the wrong way. Well, they do this to each other. They were on the phone with each other this morning because my son is having trouble with his ride. My husband got upset and started calling my son names, so my son hangs up on him and comes in my house and tells me the following:
"Well dad is probably mad at me. I just now hung up on him. I don't care if y'all (meaning me and my husband) will admit it or own up to it, but dad is alot of my trouble. I grew up with him always calling me names and me trying my hardest to be the best son I could and never being able to measure up. All I ever wanted was for him to love me like a son."
And then he left all upset. I tried to talk with him, but he just got in his pickup and left really mad. I was worried he might go get some xanax, but I talked with him for just a second a few minutes ago and he was not slurring his words and seemed alert. Thank God! I know this is something he is going to have to work through. I just really wish they could get along. My husband was really hard on him and did call him names when he should not have. My son has done a lot of things that he should not have, but it was only after he got on the drugs. My son was 3 yrs old when I married my current husband and my son's biological father and his family have not been a part of my son's life, so his step-dad is the only dad he has ever known. My son loved him like he was his father, but my husband just recently admitted to my son and I that he probably felt like my son was in the way and probably treated him like it as well.
My son told me that he had put up with name calling all his life and now he is 32 and he isn't going to put up with it any longer. I don't blame him at all. It was though, his decision to do the drugs and I wish he could see that. I had a horrible childhood as well, but I didn't turn to drugs and I dealt with it and tried to move on. I could easily have blamed it on my parents and cut them out of my life, but I chose not to do that. I only hope and pray that Nathan (my son) can come to terms with everything that has happened and make a better life for himself. I have been in the middle of the two of them my whole marriage and that is almost 29 years now. Please pray with me about all of this.
Hugs & blessings,
Deb
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