Being Rude

[lady67]

I am sure this is going to get moved, but I am going to post anyway and hope triedeverymed sees it first.  I have discovered in my life that people tend to be rude and hateful to the people who offer the least resistance. I am very non-confrontational and I am the one who gets jumped on at work more than anyone.  I have seen that on this forum as well.  The nicer you are, it seems some of the "rude" posters come after you for absolutely no reason because they think you will sit back and take it.  I am learning daily to stand up for myself.  Before I would just let them get their jollies by walking all over me, because I didn't want to raise any flags about myself.  Especially since I didn't want anyone knowing my addiction secret.  The stronger I get though, the thicker skinned I get.  People on here shouldn't be rude.  I remember the old saying, "people who live in glass houses should not throw stones."

Don't worry girl, we have your back.  Most of us are friends here and friends stick together. :)

Love Ya,
Susan

[confused456]

Lady......Susan, this is a GREAT post.

Erin, you already know how I feel about you! LOL

Thank you for this post Susan, you got it so right.

[triedeverymed]

Thanks Nauty, you are right too!!

[NautyOne]

The way I see it is this is a place where people are not well, when I am not well, I am the biach from hell.  Addiction is a nasty disease that causes self-loathing, anger, depression and all other "negative" emotions.  It comes out here all the time.  I don't blame someone if they get upset or angry, or snap at people.  It happens.  I am completely aware that you will find rudeness from family, friends, doctors, co-workers...it's everywhere.  Yes, this is a place for support, but you have to consider what kind of people are here......struggling people.  It's going to happen.  I am not saying that its right, but there are many people out here, and theres always someone out here that you can find to click with.  Disregard the rudeness, and find strength in those you feel are best for you.

Nauty...........

[triedeverymed]

Your right  Savas!!!

[Dave2824]

Amen Savas, amen...

[Savas]

Oh, now, life's to short to get upset by other people's rudeness.

The way I see it, a person's bad behavior is a reflection of their inner pain...so unless it's really infringing on your existence, there ain't no need to pay it no mind. :)

[Mangee]

You cannot sit back and allow anyone, regardless of who they are, to push you aaround. I know it is difficult at times but if you want your life to have any meaning you have to push back. You will find that most bullies select their victims by how they react to abuse of any sort. Most bullies will back off if you stand your ground because most bullies have a yellow stripe running down their backs. If you stand up to them they will show their cowardice and leave you alone. The reason a bully picks on someone they feel is weak is because it gives them a sense of power. I think you will find that abusers of any type cannot stand to be found outb what they really are. If you stand up to them,and I think this works in many cases, they will slink off and look for another victim. I had a boy who used to beat me every day at school and to tell the truth I was terrified of him. I took a girl to a show, went to get pocorn amd when I returned hye was sitting in my seat. He told me to F.O. and for some stranger reason I said no and invited him out to the back lane. I told him I was sick and tired of his beating me up all the time and we may as well settle it once and for all. When the fight started it took about four minutes to see the fear in his eyes. He wasn't expecting this and it tore down his entire world. A few minutes later he ran away and I went back to enjoy the show. He never bothered me again and  he stayed as far away from me as he could. That is the day I learned that you have to stand up to your fears no matter what they are.  I have been beaten many times but I was usually left alone after the confrontations because I refused to back down and they began to look for easier prey. You cannot allow yourself to be subjugated by anyone. Fight back even if you get hurt, it lets them know that the next time might not be as easy.

[Dave2824]

I am in total agreement with several of the points made by addict3.
In any case , you are here and you have a lot of people that are supporting you. - hang in there. And though it is much easier said than done- do not sweat what others say when you feel that they are hurting you. You are  far more important to the community as a whole. Like I mentioned before, you will not be able to please everyone. Its sad that jerks always prey on the kind hearted.
Good luck
Dave2824

[addict3]

Sorry, thought it was a post, wasn't really defending any one, just my observation of my personal feelings when I was in W/D and my typing inabilities to sometimes get my point across the way i mean it.

Sorry you tried to help someone and they treated you badly.

I hope you can blow it off and not let it bother you, it is not worth it in the whole scheme of things....I've seen some of your posts and you really seem to be sincere trying to help others, Please keep it up!

[bobby139]

these are all great points you all have put down here!! And we can only hope that the little minded ppl who enjoy to cause pain to others read this and let it sink in alittle! I am not a rude person at all but i do tend to stick up for myself and specialy for my friends, I always say to let loose lips roll off your back but i have caught myself snapping back and not listening to my own advice lol....Course if i listend to my own advice i wouldnt be a addict......I dont think you should let them walk all over you, times you do need to stick up for yourself without being down right mean like they are,, but usually if you say something they back off and will leave you alone... Just like when u were in school and the bully always said he wanted to fight or whatever, the ones that ran away got it and the one's that stood their ground didn't...just dont get as rude as they are or your lowering yourself to their level...just let them know where the bear ***** in the woods lol.
sorry any of you have had to experiance such nonsense!
hugs
bobby

[triedeverymed]

This wasn't in a post, it was a message sent to me from a "friend" on MedHelp. It was more of a tirade against me after I have tried to help this person for months. It's just as bad having a rude personal message as it is a post I think. It's still as hurtful, if not moreso because you have befriended this person and tried to help them through their problems. There isn't any place for it on MedHelp and I let the person know!

[malenurse57]

I think those who are rude should look into the mirror and remember that the one who looks back @ us is usually the one we dislike the most. Rudeness is unacceptable and uncalled for because admit it or not we all need one another in some way to battle this demon called addiction.
God bless

[addict3]

I feel I need to jump in a say a couple of things.....I do not recall anyone being rude, I have not read all posts so I may have missed some that are just plain rude and there is no doubt about it.

However when I type, sometimes my words do not have the inflection of voice and therefore I may (and have) been misunderstood, in e-mails, hopefully not here and appeared rude and really was not.

when I was @ about day 5 I was very irritable, my wife asked me to go to wal-mart to pick up 2 items...wellI thought that would be a good short outing, right?.....well it was around 2 P.M., store crowded as could be, and a woman blind to the world just standing in the isle cross ways talking on her cell phone I waited patiently for what i thought was plenty of time ....and then I do not know what came over me, I spoke to her like she was a morron, Said things to her I would not have said to a man about moving her inconsiderate A$$ out of everyones way so ppl could get by. I had to be the wrong one because everyone else was just standing there waiting for her to finish.

My problem that day was I had no business being out in public, I was in W/D, cranky, and that is not me at all, I am really a nice guy and would never have done that for any thing.

I guess my point to that ramble is you never know, maybe it really isn't meant to be rude , it just comes out that way because of this addiction.

Then again, some people are just RUDE........ ( and if you are the lady I spoke so rudley to @ wal-mart, I'm sorry)..... and I hope you or your husband never see me.

CONSIDER THE SOURCE!

[Dave2824]

I am new to this whole community, and I have to say that hearing that people here are like this makes me disapointed, (though I have not witnessed it myself so far)and at the same time- I realize that with such a large amount of people joining -= we are all going to run into an a...hole here and there. Its just inevitable. But it still is sad. This is a place of recovery and refuge, and I have always found that people that actually care enough about themselves and there loved ones to take on such a big challenge as getting clean and all the steps that go along with it- are some of the best and strongest people that I have run across and anyone that has gone thru it and continues to go thru it should be completely understanding. So far I have only seen good things which is why I went ahead and joined. But it takes all kinds of personality's to make a community. Just hang in there and dont sweat the negative and look thru that and I bet that you will see that the majority of the time you are going to get positive feedback.
But certainly dont let someone else's corrupted personality take control of you. It makes me sad that you want to get mad right back at them-though I completely understand that.
I am sure that even though I am saying this, if someone was rude to me I wouldnt respond with as much nobility as I would like.
Dont empower any jerk that speaks negatively to you by doing the same thing. Just go one being the same kind and good person that you can be.
God Bless/.
Dave

[lady67]

My brother has severe bi-polar also and he has hurt me more times than I can count.  Just recently he sent me a really nasty letter telling me that he wished I would die a horrible death and leave my family paupers.  It hurt me so bad that I almost went to the doctor to get sleeping pills.  I decided I wasn't going to let his disease cause me to relapse.  He lives in another state and I haven't heard from him since May 17th and it scares me because he isn't answering my emails and I don't know if he is alright.  I love him, but I can't let him change my outlook on life.

Susan

[triedeverymed]

I am going to cry because you are all so very sweet!! I tried to be a friend to someone with severe bipolar disorder but it came back to bite me. I was just sick to my stomach when I read the message but I will not take it lying down, he is blocked from my profile and I have learned I can't help everyone, all I can do is share my experience and lend my support. I'm not going to stop because of one weirdo. There are too many kind, lovely people here.
I thank you all so very much for the support! You have shown me the goodness in the world outweighs the bad.
Love & Hugs to all.
Erin

[Mikeinthesouth]

Kindness is not weakness.... jeeze when are people goona learn..... quit acting like children or high school kids or like caty lil girls no offense please just a figure of speach but I do notice a ton of catiness here.......... I wont let that keep me away though as I am here and thats that unless medhelp thinks different that is. LOL Anyway sorry if anyone got disrespected I am apologizing for the small minded who tend to act like their sh t dont stink.... Sorry for the crudeness. Man thats not a good saying. I dont like it but I think it might be the perfect thing to say bout this

[10356]

That is the very quality that has kept me here is the kindness most everyone has bestowed on each other. I have been judged many times in my life without anyone knowing the facts but here I have yet to experience that and you have know idea how much that means to me..  So in closing I agree with all the above post and want to shout out a big Thank-you to this wonderful group of people.. With much respect.. Lesa

[LONESOME]

Yes you are so right, my post twice got moved wonder why?
I'm not one of the "mean ppl" but I had it to.

[GoingToMakeIt]

Yes we should be able to be honest. We do need to remember that each of us have opinions about different methods to get clean. Again, take the good and leave the rest. The resuls aren't all in on sub yet.

[SOCAL742]

No I completly agree and I am also one of those women who doesnt stand up for herself too often and at work can be taken advantage of and I am sick of it in my life. I was so glad to find this place where we can be brutaly honest where no where else in my life can I talk to anyone about this secret double life I had been living! Then to hear judgements from people and bickering about the suboxone route or the methadone route caught me off guard. Arent we supposed to be ourselves here and if not here then where?

[lady67]

I just think that as addicts we already have enough guilt and low self-esteem, we should not have to face it on a site that is supposed to be made up of people suffering the same situation.  We need to support each other, not pull each other down.

Unfortunately, some people need to talk down to others to make themselves feel better.  I don't like those people.  Let's be positive on here and lift each other up, not tear one another down.

Peace~Susan

[kim715]

Please don't feel that way.As long as you are genuine and giving informative information to the person who posted thats what matters.The information you give to them may be the very thing they need to hear to help encourage them to hang in there.


ERIN....I'm so sorry you had to deal with such childishness.That has happened to me
            before.You have never been anything but helpful and kind to all of us here.We
            should all remember what our mothers taught us 'if you don't have anything nice
            to say ,don't say anything at all."Stay strong.Peace.

[SOCAL742]

Ya I am gonna do it now you guys are gonna get sick of me I will be all up in all the post! Watch out !! Just kidding!