Addiction: Social Community
Why dont people stay on the forum
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Why dont people stay on the forum

Ive noticed alot of good intentions here from people wanting to quit. I also noticed a pattern of people getting clean and then leaving. Does people think once they get clean they dont need us anymore?

Also if they slip up and use again are they so ashamed of being here? Is it something we say that makes them leave?

Or do they fail to put in the hard work? They arrive here in crisis mode and we support. We encourage. Then poof they are gone. I want your opinion on this subject?

I feel if your 100% commited to stoping. You need to be with rhis forum for awhile. Whether your detoxing thru tapering or cold turkey hanging around to help helps your sobriety. Plus its comforting to know were all in this together and the support and new friendships ease the lonliness and fears. Also its rewarding to help another addict. It reafirms your strength and support. whats your opinion
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Avatar_f_tn
Hey bama as ya know I'm new here I love this site and the freindships I've made ur right in so many ways with what ya said above I know I still want n need this forum I think that some people when they've posted on here n gone thru the ct affects some might relapse and feel embrassed it post n those who still clean they prob thinl the battle is over and they don't need the forun cos in there minds the fight is ova I know personally I'm battleing everyday can't wait for 90 days congrats on ur cleantime huni love ur mate from downunder amanda xoxoxox (fpv)
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Avatar_f_tn
What a great topic! I remember lurking on this site for a year or so before I joined, after finally getting up the nerve to post. At that time thinking back I really wanted a magic potion to get me clean or better yet for someone else to do it for me (lol), I got a few tips,encouragement, and some strength then I was alone again to deal with the monkey on my back (grrrrrr). Fortunatly, I reached out to another member on this site that literally took me under his wing and did the tough love mixed with genuine care and walked me thru this whole process. My whole point is, even if it seems like people disappear on the forum, there is much at work behind the scenes with private messaging. I was too ashamed, shy, nervous to put myself out there on the day to day, but I made a few solid friendships that literally saved my life. I know I am rambling, but this has given me the opportunity to comment on the importance of connecting one to one when and if the time is there. I can't  even express my appreciation for the medhelp friend that never gave up on me even tho he had a busy home life, work, and working on his own recovery. (thanks Phil). Now that I have some clean time behind me, it makes me want to give back and stay tuned.....thanks for bring this subject up, interested to hear others thoughts....
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Avatar_f_tn
Hey Bama,,,For me I am still here,,,just kinda lurking. I havent really had to much to say lately and feel that my advice maybe isnt good enough-for some people. I always check in its my morning ritual and afternoon ritual. I know of some members that got cleaned and left,,I can onlyhope that they are living a sober life and may have found some other form of support. I kinda drifted away when I got back to work,,but there are peeps here that I genuinely care about and think about (like you). Im still here,,not as much as going back to work occupies my time more and being on call. Im also addicted to Bubble witch saga game on facebook. LOL! (((hugs)))~Bkitty
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Avatar_m_tn
bama:
Personally, every time I come to this site, I am reminded of the days in hell. I am at once uncomfortable and glad to be back. I think that some people who get clean feel that they can move on, and don't realize that continuing support is an important element in preventing a relapse. This is one of the best places for that support. Plus, I do feel an obligation of sorts to help others however I can.
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1827057_tn?1397523877
Hi,I'm kinda like kitty,not posting so much as I used to and felling like I don't have a great deal to say to alot of people.I know that like me,alot of us get pretty busy working slash repairing our damaged lives after we get a few months in.Also as said above,I talk to a couple of people with like problems who have contacted me through pm.I always answer my pm's(no vicki not pms if you read this).
Also like some or most of us who start out as "lurkers"(such a heinous sounding word),I am still lurking on here and I am watching you bama so don't mess up!  lol
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Avatar_f_tn
Well we need to discuss aftercare more. Whats helping us stay strong. Show the people who are starting. We need to show and express what were doing now. Gives even more hope for the beginners as well as old members. Change topics is good sometimes. Eapecially related to staying clean. We all like to post crisises and clean time. But we need more than r
That. When I got clean it was like what know?

It will give more to everyone is we share new learnimg technics
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Avatar_f_tn
The first 3 weeks I was literally baby stepping. During those weeks I was so focused on how crappy I felt  I didnt realize I was taking huge steps towards recovery. The first 3 weeks again were more focused on physical symptoms. I set small goals the first 3 weeks for each day,,sometimes it was a simple as brushing my teeth and getting outta bed to go to aftercare. i also focused on getting on a schedule and was viligant of the times of the day that is was time for a pill,,during those times I distracted myself whether i came here and posted or went to NA.

im 73 days now,,Im back to work,,i focus on keeping a schedule and completing my work. Aftercare is over,,but I make sure I take my medications as prescribed and attend NA. Sometimes I dont say anything at NA and sometimes I cant shut up.

It was hard to break the pill habits,,but Im learning to replace them with healthy habits,,I no longer wake up wishing I had a pill to get going,,I simply get going and get in the shower and start my day. I still take it one day at a time. Taking care of myself is so hard for me to do and hard to learn to do as its uncomfortable. Uncomfortable is good. I need to get used to doing me. Thats some of my advice,,hopefully someone will find it useful. I obviously cant shut up tonight! LOLOL (((hugs bama))) How is bamaman?
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1979360_tn?1328147465
you know, there were SO many awesome members that i used to follow on here when i went through my detoxing period over a year ago, and never see them on here anymore. these were members that were just awesome. they were on everyday - or at least once a day. always had something nice to say or input to give. they knew what they were doing, in other words.

it really makes you think of what has happened to them. not in a bad way, but just praying that all is okay with them.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi Bama! I'm still here.  I check in and read posts when I get up and before I go to bed, I'm like some of the others.  Sometimes I don't have a lot to say, or I'm too tired to type, lol.  I guess i'm a "lurker" too.  I love this site, it is a part of my after care.  Reading a lot of these posts, especially if I had a bad day and my coping skills are down, keeps me honest with myself and gives me reassurance.  On day 28!  
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Avatar_m_tn
I've been a member for a long time and pretty much lurk. You, gnarly, Sara, viki, and many more are great about giving advice. It's just hard to find the time with life continuing after the physical wds. However I am inspired to give back more.
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Avatar_m_tn
I agree a lot of names I used to see when I first joined I don't see anymore....hopefull they as well are lurking about lol....

hello to all of you that are lurking about...new and old hope to see you comment soon
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Avatar_f_tn
I DID read this and saw your PMS comment. Are you feeling better? lol

People tend to come and go and it is interesting to watch the trends...

There are more folks who are here and NOT posting than you would imagine!   People tend to drift once the major crisis is over and many find the forum depressing once they are in recovery. It's very individual.

When we do "roll call" you'll see a lot of friends check in...
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495284_tn?1333897642
I have seen a bazillion people come thru here and go.  There are not that many who are left that came here when i did.  Most move on with their lives, some of them dont.  All we can do is cheer for the ones who are continuing on in their recovery and pray for the ones who are still out there.
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1926359_tn?1331591739
Hi Bamma
I think you brought up an excellent point (as usual) I, too think it's important that we post more about how we are living our clean lives as information for new members...New hope.  I try to check in twice a day and post when I can for those that are in need.  I don't read or 'lurk' much anymore because I'm so busy with work and life and putting myself back together....I especially try to be around on the weekend as it's the quietest time.  This forum has been a godsend and an education for me.  It's a great tool for recovery and also to reach out to those that need hope and support the most....
Love Lu
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1979360_tn?1328147465
i've also noticed that a lot of people will google "at home detox from opiates" or other search phrases and come here, sign up to post a question and then we never hear back from them - regardless of how many responses their post receives. as much as i realize it's an individual thing, my heart breaks not knowing if they are okay now or what...
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1981713_tn?1389863765
I too have become more of a lurker than a poster in the last 4 or 5 days.
Why? I needed all of you so badly when I was detoxing bcuz I felt alone. I only have 10 days clean under my belt, so yes, I probably do need to continue posting as part of my aftercare but I've come to a point especially in the last few days that I would like to share so that some of you may be able to help w/ the way I'm feeling...
I was all about going to NA the first week of my recovery and felt so good after coming home. I also was on this site pretty much 24/7.  However, I've come to the point where I just can't get myself to go to another meeting or spend much time on this site anymore bcuz it is so depressing and alot of the ppl I see at meetings have been in a far worse place than me with IV drug use, selling thereselves to get them and having been in and out of jails and prisons bcuz of it and it just makes me feel like "yuck" when I get home. So, why???
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks for all the comments. It scares me when I see someone new ask questions than leaves. Also I think we need more post/topics about where you are in recovery. What were learning. Ask and start those types of threads.

When I first joined I was in crisis mode. And everyone reached out to me. Thank you. And when your starting you don't know what to expect. We've got to talk more and open up more about progress..relapses..the whole nine yards. There is a lot of people that can't or don't have the time or resources to go to meetings. So we need to talk about aftercare.

It also will give us that are clean help. And show the newbies how important that is. Also it will give hope to those that are hopeless.

Whether your tapering....post thoughts on that. Share your recovery...

I'm glad people still lurk around. But starting posts and threads that help us deal with aftercare will touch so many people. All of us need constant encouragement or support.

Thanks for all the replies...anyone care to step up and start a new thread. LOL??
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1935252_tn?1329760719
Bama, you are so right lol I don't know where or who I'd be without this forum and the ppl here... I believe, when u leave this forum, and this support system, you ultimately open yourself up to temptation. You are right, it does help to, try to help some one like you... I've lost track of my days but I think because it's not important how long I'm clean, I think its how long I stay clean. Thank you for posting lol it made me chuckle a little. And yes I'm doing wonderfully in my recovery! I feel amazing and I think that just about everyone has notice the change for the better in me. Thanks again Bama
- Shell
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Avatar_f_tn
I guess I'm a newbie, at recovery that is!! I stumbled on this on day 9 off percs and would have lost without u guys! I had no idea how many "me's" were out there! I'm on here every day but feel like I don't have the wisdom to support people the way you do! Keep up the good work Bama!
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi, I started my journey into clean and being free March 17th 2010 and
I was on this site almost around the clock for the first 3 weeks. Then I would comment to the people I new that gave good advice to me, and felt comfortable with like gnarly, Sara, viki and others. But 6 months later when I started using again I would tell that I was off the wagon ( vicoden) and would be encouraged but I was also and still am embarased. I am on here at least 4 times a week and read and read post. I am not a good speller and I feel like I can't give advice to anyone I am still using 1 vicoden a day. So I am sure that there are people like myself who watch and care but just do not speak up anymore. I swear the day I get off and stay off I will be shouting it from the roof tops and also on here. I  wish I was like the above people that  are great with words but my prayer to all that is on here is peace with themselves and to be clean. Thanks for letting me talk you know I forgot how good it feels, good luck and prayer to you, Bethany
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1935252_tn?1329760719
0421 that's my birthday, April 21, lol just thot that was ironic sorry..
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Avatar_f_tn
Just want to tell you not to EVER give up. We have all been in your shoes, you'll get there. xx
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Avatar_m_tn
You have raised a good point and here is my honest answer:

I have only posted a few times over the past 4 months as I mainly read other peoples posts.  

I'm not sure if I will still be using this site in 6 months time - this is mainly due to me slowly getting my life back in order and I am taking up new activities such as job, gym, cycling etc. Hopefully I will still log in every now and then to see what has been posted.

The support on here has been AMAZING and it just shows that there are some fantastic people on this planet who are willing to offer advice to total strangers - this will always be thankful for :)

I feel that this board is a great place to come if I ever need some help or have any questions.

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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks I need to hear that, I am glad bettermomma that something good happen on that day, I will remember to say happy birthday to you as it is a sad day for me.Sooooooooo  It is good to hear someone was born that day and I hope you succed in your journey of getting off your demon pills. For me it seems like there is a demon person after me, I get clean I fall of a chair and break me tail bone back on vicoden. Then get almost off and have to have 3 theeth pulled back on vicoden. Now I am going to have implants to replace the theeth so here we go again more vicoden. I am old but geeezzz I should not be falling apart this bad!!!  Someday ya someday I will  do it. prayers to you, Bethany
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1959859_tn?1331744757
Bama, great topic.  I myself have 28 days clean and have been on this site pretty much every single day with the exception of a few days when i am too busy at work or have alot to do with my kids when I get home.  

The support and encouragement I have gotten is amazing, as well as the advice, and I truly do not think I would be sober if it were not for the help.  I lurked for 2 months, I started looking up suboxane and whether or not i should get on it.  I decided after reading many posts not to take it and started reading the withdrawal advice.  You were one of the first people that reached out to me and I greatly appreciate you and I think we all have a bond because unless you have been through w/d, you dont have a clue...You can read about it all you want, but until you experience it, it is a vision only.

I am truly blessed and have managed to stay clean with no desire to go back.  I had a lightening bolt moment when i went out with a friend the other night.  She is on pills and drinks with them and has always been a little crazy...I have not been out with her in several years and really wanted to get out.  We get to the club and she bails on me when i start talking about what I went through getting clean.  I went and asked her what was wrong and she told me "I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT REAL LIFE".  I was like what the hell.  I said "Ok, would you like me to talk about rainbows and unicorns"??  I ended up calling my daughter to come get me and left without even telling her goodbye.  She is not a friend, she is an addict...

I would much rather be around people like everyone here that encourage me than people who call themselves friends and really dont care at all.

To everyone who has reached out to me, I just want to say Thank you and God Bless.  To everyone who is reading this and wanting to quit, please do it.  Life is so much better on the other side.  
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1579159_tn?1388706849
OHHH bama,

So happy you brought this up as i am one of those people that disappeared:( I did not by choice at first, i managed to taper with the help of medhelp and a few great friends on here, especially vicki XOXO!  After my crisis mode and getting clean bam i relapsed due to pain.  Unfortunately i am still on pills for pain management i just couldn't bare the pain and YES i tried too, but it is so depressing when all i wanted was to be off these devil pills to only be back on.  I do take as directed and the dr is very aware of my problem between addiction and pain.  So when i continued to post the moderators would kick me off to another forum (pain management) and i dont want to be on that forum as i know all of you on this forum, so my feelings did get hurt that all the times i needed help from my friends on here i was kicked off to strangers, call me dramatic but i love y'all here.  So i am also the lurker on here, i read posts and attempt to post to help others and then i delete what i wrote because i feel i have no right to offer advice to others while i am taking the pills.  For awhile there i was posting quite often during my clean time and then i stopped it.  bama, like i have told you before you are an inspiration, i was on when you first joined while you were going through your crisis mode and girl you came a long way, i am so proud of you!!!!  Thank you for your amazing support to others in need and for posting this thread:)))   Dana
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Avatar_f_tn
I don't post much bc I'm a very private person just me....but doesn't mean I won't succed without posting or any other aftercare...just me and who I am...but I have an extraordinary family to which I sacrificed all myself to...I raised my brothers and sisters and married at 16 and u guessed it gave birth to my first born the same month...my husband beat me and controlled me but I hid it all bc I didn't want want children to live like I had..my parents abused us four kids my siblings every way possible but I protected them best I could so hence protecting my own children..I remember holding my baby brother (8 years difference on my mothers breast) so he wouldn't starve bc she was passed out and even then I knew how dangerous it was for him to drink her milk I was 8...
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222369_tn?1274478235
There's still a few of us here that were around when you started :)
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222369_tn?1274478235
Sorry....that last post was to dominosarah. Just wanted to remind here that there were still a few old timers lurking around here.
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Avatar_f_tn
This is too funny because i am lurking a bama says. lmao. I have to confess i have sliped and fell again and i am trying to get back up. Vicki gnarly bama domino sara and b kitty  are great and i believe that no matter what u guys r goin to continue to push forward and stay clean because u want it too much and u also want it for people like me more then i want it. here is a cyber hug:). I need some encouragement guys because i am still alone in this awful dark depressing world
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Avatar_m_tn
First, to pleasehelpme, let me say, KEEP TRYING! Don't give up.  Have you read the posts from Gnarly about the fissures in his brain?  Have you read the posts from 0421 about the pharmacy problems?  I watched Elvis Presley's last video on youtube today.  The drugs killed him at 42!  If these things don't motivate you, what would?  

To Bama, In every community you have people who are good at different things.  Some people are good at just being there.  Some people are good at making people feel welcome.  Some people sit back and think, and then offer thoughtful advice.  Some people only speak up when they have similar experiences.  It might be fun to try and guess what personalities people have from their posts.  I would guess that lulu and bama are blues, people people, encouragers, kind words people.  Sarah, not sure, but I would say she's a doer, maybe a red. Mangel is a thinker, a green, most likely.  And Vicki (I love you Vicki) maybe an orange?  A rebel?  Love all of you. Thanks for letting me ramble.  Ricart, green.
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1827057_tn?1397523877
lol   I am now googling green-have I found  "my people"??
Also @pleasehlpme   don't give up.This is really a learning and conditioning process like alot of things,the more we try,the more we learn,the more we learn,the better we get at it.
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1954418_tn?1327279046
I lurk most of the time because I really don't know anyone. Going day to day so alone is tough but its the anxiety that gets me. I have anxiety about everything so I just stick to reading. I would really like to know more of you being alone *****. :( I am 27 days sober but beings as it is winter time I am inside all the time and my friends don't make an effort to see me. Ulgh sorry I shouldn't whine I am just down.
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm a lurker...  I have to stay connected time the site so I don't go off the deep end!
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1979360_tn?1328147465
please stay with us. don't allow the non-spelling or anything else stop you from being a part of this family!
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229538_tn?1300381367
Hi my Medhelp friends , I know this post is old but I wanted you all to see this . There was a member years ago named Ga Guy and he helped me threw HELL  and I will never forget him . My point being that I too was guilty of either relapsing or getting to a point were a felt I really didn't have much to contribute anymore since I was far removed from my problem with Vicodin . I would come once in awhile and read and maybe even post but I think it is important that we give back to a place that gave us so much and help people that are now in that dark place were we resided not so long ago . And Ga Guy if you're out there I still thank you from the bottom of my heart and I am here for you ALWAYS !  Take care all my friends . Jimmy
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm only Day 12 but I can see how I'm busier 'doin stuff' now that I feel better. I'm selling my business and looking for employment in my old field. I expect to have less time on here. But I do feel like this should be at least semi permanent. It's been really good for me, I think I've helped others, and I've made some good friends. Sometimes I wish I could take a road trip and meet you all! I am so fond of you!!!
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3197167_tn?1348972206
Jimmy......I'm SO glad you "revived" this thread.  I was probably at my heaviest level of using in Jan 2012......so had never read this before.

I am a deeply passionate and sensitive person and had to learn my first 6 months on this forum that "it takes all kinds" to make the world go round....and I simply could NOT personalize some of the "goings on".  

Now that I've been on this forum for quite a bit longer and have experienced a learning curve of sorts.....I find MANY feelings surfacing.

I would NEVER have expected to find a forum full of such loving, supportive, considerate, funny, crazy, goofy, wise, helpful souls!!!

I DO though, feel sadness when I run across an older forum member that isn't here any more......and mourn a bit.  Life has cycles.....and so does this forum......but one thing I KNOW for certain........at the top of my gratitude list each and every day.....I praise God for this forum on MedHelp and all of you that continue to "give it away" so that you might "keep" it.
Blessings to you all~
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