spoke to swag and his wife

[jayeye]

i am writting this on swags behalf.

I have been speaking to swag via text messages for the past few days........today his wife called me to find out more about the board and the people on here.....i had a nice convo with her....she was a little iffy at first but after speaking with her i convinced her that it would be a very good idea for her to come on the boards.


turns out swag as quite the anger managment problem...i think its a combanation of the things......but a big part of it has to do with his wife learnign to understand what he is going through.....she admitted she didnt really understand why it is so hard for some one to stop using or whatever......told her she will never truley understand if you never go throuhg it.....but if she came on the boards she would at least get a better understanding of the problem and that its not an easy battle.....i guess its a vicous cycle hes got going on there.....his wife dosent understand he gets mad and the saga continues.

anyway he really wants to work on this anger thing which he now realizes he has....he thought he might have gotten the boot from the site......and said he was sorry to all

[vicki595]

Jay~  No one booted him...I don't think.

You've been a great support to him.  :)   He needs that...


How are you doing? Did you speak with your brother?

V.

[jayeye]

yeah he does dont we all..

i did come clean to my brother.....he was very understanding and easy to talk to.....i told him the options i was thinking of and he told me i need get it done b4 for its to late......he also said hes there to support me said he would be more then glad to hold them for me.

im in a bit of a pickle here....and i know part of this is probably me makings excuses..but stopping right now is like the worst time in the world....as you know im trying to switch jobs been interviewing and what not......the job at the college means the world to me right now...i havent heard back yet but they said it wouldnt be till the end of the week so heres to tomorrow.....i dont wwant to stop and be miserble in these interivews or worse yet to sick to go......also i dont want to start a new job and then have to start it on the wrong foot...im so confused right now

and to make matters worse my love life is killing me right now.......i dont know how to deal with that either.

im so lost in my own mind....i over think everything........i can never just shut my brain off this **** runs thru my head all day.....if im not worrying about the job im worrying about the pills if its not the pills its the girl....uuuuuuuuuugh

[vicki595]

Jay~  Yeah...I know...I've been there.     It's never a good time to quit. Some people set a date like a birthday,holiday etc...and stick to it.   Maybe you can do that. It would take the pressure off. Also,you can cut back to where you're comfortable physically but not taking to get high. Your Bro can help you with that by holding your pills.  At least you'll feel like you're doing something and that's a great feeling!!

So,if you get the job(hope you do),pick a date to quit. If you don't get the job,quit now before a new job comes up.

Also,have a nice,long talk with your girl. She may be confused as well. Keep communicating with her and ask for her love and support.

Don't over-think. Give yourself a break. Just get a plan going and look for some other support,as well.  NA,therapist,pastor,etc...

It's great you spoke with your brother! Didn't that feel good??

Vicki

[jayeye]

yeah it did feel like a weight was lifted...and thats what im gonna do im gonna pick a date and stick to it....thats if i get the job....if not it stops as soon as i know the job isnt mine.

see shes not my girl thats the problem...im trying to get her back....we have a looong screwed up history....you might find the story intresting but i dont want to bore you with it ...after all this isnt a dr phil board lol.............oh and did i mention i WORK with HER...my motto out of sight out of mind isnt working to well on that one

[vicki595]

LOL  Oh dear...Yes...sounds like a story there!      Can't really say much about the ex not knowing what happened.  But,I do know how girls behave and feel andd think!  Just be patient,be friendly,and not so available. Know what I mean?  Just smile and say hello and get to work.   Actions always speak louder.  Also,we REALLY like to get cards in the mail...  :)

So,good. Now you've got a plan! Stick to that...I'm gonna check on you!!

V.

[jayeye]

i did come back fast and hard......but i think she has the personality that needs the hard push you know stroke her ego.....im not trying to toot my  own horn  but i never had a problem with getting the girls......real uhm i dont know what you want to call in...never let myself get emotinally attached......however the sad part about it is that i am now 28 single and in love for the first time with a girl im not with.

we have had an office romance going off and on for almost 4 years now...oh man the stress she puts me thru but in the end if i end up with her it will all be worth it i have to be patient your right and that goes for both of my problems.


but now maybe you see why work is such a trigger for me...besides hating my boss getting treated like a two year old and having promises broken about 5 times i gotta deal with taht lol.

[vicki595]

UGH!!    Now,I'm gonna start PRAYING you get that new job!!

Post tomorrow as soon as you hear...

V.

[dominosarah]

Vicki and i can play Dr Phyllis if you'd like!!!  LOL

I hope you get the other job.  It would help with the stress level for one thing.......Stick to your plan and we will be right there to support you.

Oh and one other thing...Play hard to get!!!

[avisg]

jaye,
I think its great that you talked swags wife .I hope she does come on .I think it will help .I hope it will be a postive thing for both of them .

[jayeye]

sarah you asked for it lol so now you get the jayeye fooled around and feel in love story.

aoubt 4 years ago i was transfred to another office....and thats where i meant her......we worked on different teams but it was apparent from the start that there was something there.....we would give eachother little cute smiles and what not....then one day i emailed her with some stupid work question (such an excuse just to get her attention) while it worked...we emailed back and forth every day for about a week....(the problem was she had a bf) obviously they werent happy....while we started hanging out a little durnign lunch time and what not then i convinced her to go for a drink after work...i feel for her instantly and she did me......for some reason she couldnt leave her bf she lived at home her mother wanted her to marry the guy blah blah blah...this want on for about 4 months but i couldnt turn away....i just sat there and dealt with the fact she had a bf...she keept telling me that she was gonna end it with him and be mine.......i was seeing other girls myself....and by the time she finaly did end it i was alittle confused..why did it take so long? i got hurt a lot waiting.....so i didnt jump on it when i had the chance.

we went on and off a little...then i got a girl and tried to stay away from her worked for a year.....i wanted a real realationship.....but something just kept pulling us back together........i couldnt make it work with anybody else cuz she had my heart so how could it......i decided to end it with the new girl after a year...i just wasnt happy with her i kept seeing the girl from work everyday she haunted my thoughts i knew she was the only girl that truely ever made me happy....so i had to to know...i had to give it a real shot...no more sneaking around....no more being the girl on the side.......no more hiding....so i reached out to her...she responded....told me she still had feelings but she was seeing someone...once again i backed off...but about a week later we found eachoter talking again..we hung out for a few days in a row...they were great....i slept at her house and all...she made it kinda sound like she wasnt seeing this guy anymore.....best few days of my life....then she calls me and tells me she feels horrible she was still seeing the guy she was dating....she dosent know what to do....we are right back were we started 4 years ago......now shes going away this week end with this other guy....she tells me that inside she still wants me....but i came back in her life so fast she dosent know what to do......so here we are!!!!!!! crazy right

like i said ive been with a lot of girls...i never loved on b4 her....and i know she loves me....when we are together we are like the couple that everybody looks at and think man if only i can be that happy with someone...im just so confused...i wish she would just make it eays and tell me she dosent want me so i could walk away with no regrats..

so theres the story sarah.......what do you think....sorry to the rest of you if you were bored by it.

[vicki595]

Jay~  Well,I read your story and it reads like a Greek tragedy of unrequited love !
Sara will definitely have some thoughts on this when she gets on here...

To me,this is the age old situation of missed messages,confusion,and "failure to launch".  You two need to have a serious conversation and lay it ALL out !  You need to
get your message across loud and clear because she's scared !  Sometimes we just have to put our heart on the line and pray it doesn't get stomped. It's a risk that you take once,maybe twice in your lifetime.

Right now this is a tortuous situation for YOU.  You can't live like that...it's limbo !!  I'm
sure you're hurting because she's off with the other guy this weekend. Call her up today and give her something to think about...Does she know you love her?  If not,tell her!!!

What do you think?

V.

[jayeye]

I have recently told her how i feel.....which was very hard for me cuz as i mentioned earlier......i was always very afraid to feel......like you said i also think its cuz shes scared and confused....yeah she loves me and feels for me but why go for me...why screw up what you already have after all the stuff we already put eachother thru.

since i stayed at her house on sunday ive been trying to hang out with her....last night i talked to her for awhile.....she was saying how she knows that we cant get over eachother but she dosent know where to go from here.......i aksed if i can see her last night and she was like that just woulndt be right.....and i have to respect that dont i?  but is it right to me that shes gonna be away with him and i'm gonna be sitting here stressing about it..........oh really wish i knew what was going on in her head...i wonder if shes gonna be thinking of me this weekend....im off of work next week when she returns part of me wants to just let her breath a little and back off.....but then another part of me is like know show her how you feel show her its not just all talk......part of me wants to send her flowers to her job next week when she gets back..but part of me feels like a sucker if i do that

[vicki595]

Well,I know what I would do although it's a little different with women in this situation...

I would put it ALL out there !!  I would take that enormous risk! I would swallow my pride
and leave my ego at the front door. I would do anything,Jay.  Flowers,phone calls,billboards,( LOL ) I would talk the talk and be convincing !!!   I would ask for a chance to prove myself...    Love is one of the most important things in life. We can't survive without it...    Call me a hopeless romantic but I truly believe in this... You love
her so go and get her !!!    You will never know until you do this...and you've got nothing
to lose.

xo

[jayeye]

=) see vick thats what i was saying when you said dont make yourself to avilible..in most cases i would agree but im not sure on this one........im gonna to what my heart tells me on this one...im going for it.....im pulling out all the tricks....like you said the things i feel for her are worth it.....and if it dont do all i can to get her then i am never going to be able to move past her.

it as arleady gotten in the way of a few realationsips for both of us....i keep telling her alls she needs to do is tell me she dosent want me and i'll leave her alone and she keeps telling me she cant do that

i just want to know one way or the other


vicki thanks for this i needed someone to talk to about this crap thanks for being there for me....if you dont want to hear about this just tell me i'll stop

[vicki595]

No no...it's fine. This is so obviously a great stressor for you it's going to get in the way
of any kind of recovery!!

Now that I know the story here,I take that back about playing hard to get. Actually,I think Sara said that but she didn't know the story either.  She'll be on here and I think she'd tell you to pull out all the stops!!!   She believes in love...

Do everything to get her,Jay. Make the decision FOR her. She's scared and it sounds like she needs some heavy convincing.  You can do that. You're a sweet guy.

Call her before she goes out of town...

V.

[jayeye]

its a little cheesy but we got this little thing....its a chicken little pez dispenser...she gave it to me a loooong time ago.....it was a stupid gift that had some inside meeting...and i held on to it..........and through some of our ups and downs we would give him back and forth to eachother....kinda like hes our kid lol..........i know its cheesy but cute.........so i brought him in today.....and i imed her and told her that chicken little came to work with me and wants to come with you this weekend.

she was so cute she was like awww i miss him...then i told her that he keeps asking why we arent together and i told him not to worry we will be soon....she ate it up..i def got her thinking..i think it was a good move

it just so strange theres will be like three days where we are makign great progress and she starts to really open up to me and to being with me...the she'll just go totally cold for like a week....why do you women do this to us????

do you think shes just blowing smoke or does it sound like inside she really wants me?

[vicki595]

Why do we do that? Because we're unsure,as well.  Don't give her time to get cold!!!
Don't back off for a second. You're going for it here!!!   Ask her not to go this weekend...

I don't know if she's blowin' smoke...you're looking at her. Does she seem sincere?

[dominosarah]

hmmm, i have a ton to say but will start with this......I would really like to see you get yourself on the road to recovery first.  We have to get to know who we are before we can give ourselves to someone else.  If she is the one wouldnt it be great to be clean and healthy?  The relationship would stand a better chance.

[jayeye]

i brought up her not going and she was like its just not a good time to turn this whole thing upside down......i can understand that to a point...this all happened so fast.....i guess i could understand that she really needs time to figure out 1 if shes 100 percent sure she wants to do it 2 how shes gonna do it and 3 when.

she is sincere so it seems.....i also know her and breaking it off with him is going to be very hard for her....its somethign she is going to keep puttign off until like you said i make the decission for her......which is what im trying to do....maybe she goes away and thinks about how she wishes it  was me she was with.....

im upset shes going but at the point were at right now is it a deal breaker if she said she cant not go right now?  im pissed yeah but part of me uderstands....and at the same time i dont want her to go for obvi reasons one of them being i dont want her to have a good time alone with him......i have to be persistant but at the same time i cant be like oh if you go this weekend i'm not talking to you anymore.

i just said to her that i know we are going to be together soon and we are going to have a realationship that very few people get a chance to be a part of...and i said that she knows how happy we can be and thats why she cant let me go she said you should be my shrink lol

[jayeye]

of course i  want to give her the best of me......if she cared for me at my worst imagine when she has me at my best....thats big motivation for me......and not just her anyone that may be part of my future.

im not sure if you saw my other post from last night.....but i got that whole job thing going on right now 4th post down....vicki gave me some good advice on it...what do you think on that?

now that you started with that whatelse do you have to say about it lol please do tell.

i do know i have to get clean and everyday im a little closer to it.....you know its not easy nor is there a quick fix....so please if you would tell...i would love to hear your opinions on both topics

you guys are both great......i know im going to be able to beat this with the both of you in my corner

[dominosarah]

I hope the young lady is sincere and not just dangling you.  Sometimes it can be very flattering to have a couple guys want you.  Hopefully i am wrong.

As for the job, i hope you get the new one.  You dont deserve to be treated like a child from your boss.  That isnt a good setting for anyone as we dont really feel like working to our potential then.  Hopefully you will hear some news about the new one today.

We all understand that getting clean is not easy but staying clean is the hard part.  Once you have made up your mind that you are done, let  nothing stand in your way.  You will see things in a different light once you are pill free......

[vicki595]

Jay~ Sara is right. We've gotten a bit "off topic" here.  The thing is: you've got several things going on here: pills,girl,work;in that order.

Sobriety always has to be #1 with you and for all of us. The rest falls nicely into place after that.  I know that you know this. And I know you're going after that,too!!!  I believe in you now.
You've got some fighting to do here,on several fronts. We'll support you...that's what we do...

Tell this girl you REALLY don't want her to go.  If she still goes,you've got the weekend to decide your next move. It's tough...I know.

V.  xo

[jayeye]

=(

[jayeye]

part of me doesnt even want to come to this place anymore i lay in bed and cant get up....i want to get fired so i can collect while i look for something...but i think that would just make things all that much worse....i guess i gotta just keep hanging on...suck it up and come in

yeah you guys are both right..on the girl..and that crossed my mind about her blowing smoke....but she wouldnt do the things she does if she didnt really feel it.

why would she even spend that time with me if it was just to be flattred???? wouldnt it just be making her life  more difficult??? i know she not just some ho you kno