vicoden question

[1968mustang]

My wife was addicted to Vicoden more than a year ago. I have more than just afeeling she's back on them again.

She has a deteriorating vertebre in and was in recently to see a specialist. I know the pain is real,
but I fear when she went in to genuinely check it out, she was offered a script and didn't turn it down.
During her addiction I discovered she was getting prescriptions from several doctors and using an on-line drug seller from Canada to get more. She fessed up to me afer I confronted and even informed the doctors involved so she couldn't shop them again. Her cell phone has been ringing lateley when I'm with her and she;s admitted that "its those people I hate" calling again. While she shrugs it off, and likely feels like that admission is close to the truth, I think she's using them again.

I need to know what these things look like or if they have a V symbol on them Not sure iwjhatf the Canadian (generic) looks like, I think she's hurt herself on purpose and is now contemplating going
to the doctor. We're sliding downhill fast. Please help. This is getting scary.

[1968mustang]

Hi Becks,  I am glad it shows that I respect my wife. I don't know if she knows or believes how much I do respect her. She's had more **** dumped in her lap for her
age than anyone should. I know her well, she can be tough as hell, but she's tender
and fragile inside. I've been on the receiving end of some devastating verbal blows,
many deserved, but many not. I hope when this subject comes up between us, she
is open to listen to my fear, because I'm going in totally unarmed with a focus of care
for her and fear of her future. She's not a quitter I'm hoping for the best, but the road
will still be long & rocky.

Thanks for your input. Many perspectives is worlds better than mine alone. :-)

[1968mustang]

Hello Jennifer, I read your post several times and here's my take for what it's worth.
I would never want to degrade my wife by discussing thing in anything other than a
cloaked forum. I do respect her immensely. She is a great person and I wouldn't trade
her for anyone or anything. She very smart, caring and selfless in many respects. She
values her children and how they are being raised. She obviously put a ****load of work into our marriage, as I am not always Mr. wonderful.

I have been guilty of trying to save her many times in the past over many subjects. I've learned (as she's verbalized this to me also) We've had a counselor since she was 17.
I'm older and always wanted to make things better. I am aware that I cannot save her from herself. Tell me how hard that feel though. You want only the best for the one you love. She definately wants to stand on her own. She also sets her self up for disappointment in herself.  I think she's feeling like she's disappointed herself and me.
I'm not looking to spring what I found on her. I don't want to confront her. I worry her reaction when we talk with be very snarley toward me. I just want her to know I don't want to lose her to this, no part of her lost to this. I posted on this board to get through
some of the related baggage that swirled in my mind when I found the pills. Just so you know, there wer 15 1/2 pills when I found them and they were gone two days later. It's more than 1 pill as you mentioned. Is 15 in that time frame dangerous? I'd know if I can identify the pill. That's my "big deal" over the sinkin pill. I also don't know where they are coming from. No scripts or labeled bottle found. I feel like if I can work through, by getting feedback like this, and going to my counselor, I will be much more focused on helping her when the music comes up to play. I won't attack her, be as apt to be angry, and be in a better position to let her know I care and am scared ******** for her and our family. That's the message she'll get if she doesn't get defensive, which I really fear.

Now the car thing. Yep, I'm Mustang through & through. Got 3 now. Had 4 until I traded one for a really quick Subaru. Met my wife in the Red 68 I had in high school. The car and us have a lot of "history" I'm a speed guy, love horsepower and the feeling of the adrenalin rush of accelleration. I guess that's my high....need for speed.

[Jennifer375]

Lol, I just realized you love the same kind of car my husband does,, he is a mustang fanatic!

quote,'Let me digest what you posted." end quote 1968mustang...

Please do,, actually you dont need to respond at all but I appricate the consideration for my sharing. I 'felt' from your posts that you wouldnt take offense, and Im thankful that what I said struck something you want to explore deeper before figuring out how to handle things. I so wish I could offer some really helpful advice about how to proceed, whether or not the counciler in this situation might be more helpful as the one to approach the situation or what,, but I honestly dont know and Im not sure anyonelse will either,,, but I will hold a space in my heart and thoughts for you today in hopes whatever happens , you and your family grow to love and respect one anouther on a level thats even greater than you do now.

*Bows and hopes for greater healing*        Jennifer

[becks2007]

i think that i have to agree just a bit with jennifer375. I have a partner who has just relapsed after detox and last night I found myself searching through his sock drawer for oxycontin,zanax, etc. (and found what I was looking for unfortunately) and feeling a bit crazed. I read your post and I kept thinking that perhaps there might be something to the control thing...I wanted to control his healing and recovery because I wanted it done my way or in the ways that I thought were most helpful...

BTW-I can't imagine the rollercoaster that you have been through and you seem to genuinely love and respect your wife...it's really good for me to see that this is still possible...

[1968mustang]

Hi Jennifer, thank you for your feedback. I need a while to digest this, but I didn't want to make it seem like a lack of reply meant "anything" one way or the other. I think you have some good points. I want an "equal" in my spouse.

Let me digest what you posted.

Thank you

[Jennifer375]

After reading through this thread, mabey Im just internalizing this... but one thing bothers me. I respect and appricate your desire to help your wife and be the supportive man she married.

But as a wife of 15 years who has had a husband who at times made me feel unintentionally as though he was going to 'save' me from myself with his support in a knightly manner..... your discussing this with this board so much and so little with her would be degrading if she found out. I understand that you ALSO need the support, but what does this single pill you found that may or may not be vicodin have to do with that? Your suspiciouns are probably right... but is accusing her going to fix anything or even nessasarly get her to confess? Her behaviors arent dangerous are they? If so I hope you take the kids and get out ASAP... but if right now you just 'suspect' but dont know.. accusing her could only make things worse or even cause her to relapse because of your lack of confidence and judgment as to lack of inner strenght in staying away from opiates.

I also note the 'tone' in the post (or Im internalizing again) when you speak about the last time this happened and how she was sooooo terrified you were going to leave her and how ashamed she was by her own behavior. By tone I mean,, do you feel like your wifes equal or are you trying to guide her?  If your trying to save or act as a 'mentor' to her,, and is that your roll or the councilers?

Do you see what Im saying?

If shes not being honest with you, its probably because she knows how negatively your going to react to her lack of abstanence from those chemicals. So,, on that same note,, the addiction and choice is hers,, mabey shes reaching a point where she is coming to realize this and thats why shes not talking to you about it... if indeed shes having withdrawls as you suspect.

My comments are kind of all over the place and Im not sure if Im adding to the confusion or helping it, which I apologize for. Its just,,,, as one who has had anouther person stand over them and drop hints as well as outright accuse (rightly I might add) me of doing something,, the feelings that come along with it of failure and being 'incapable' which led to depression and unforutnatly worse abuse of the chemical... until I realized that if I wanted to stop feeling so bad about myself I would  have to make the choice on my own... my husband couldnt save me as hard as he tried, no one could.

Actually, I take that back kind of.... I had a counciler who told me that the next time I felt I was 'out of control' while doing what I was... to call him and we would decide from there what to do. So the next time it happened and my husband was threatening to leave me over the behavior, I did just that. I called the counciler,, Terri listened quietly to me whine and cry,, then he simply said. Well , we can hospitalize you if you like,, but if your so out of control why did you call me?  I was a bit baffled (and inebriated at the time) and asked him I called him because he told me to when it happened again. He said, " but thats just the thing Jennifer,, your husband didnt call me and hand you the phone,, you picked it up and called me yourself. That means YOU are controlling you right now,, your not being the one in charge of this recovery is an illusion. No one can MAKE you do anything, its your choice.

And he was right,, so from that point on I took back my control and stopped expecting my husband to take care of it for me because all that did was frustrate me and make it worse.

Does that make any sense? First SHE has to realize she can stop herself, irregardless of what you think or feel about it, your feelings dont much matter because although it hurts everyone in the family when one person is addicted... they cant control whats going on with the addict every moment no matter how hard they try. Your her husband,, not her "savior"..... its about mutal respect as well.

I only bring any of this out both because Iv been in your wifes shoes,, and because some of the other comments you have made in other posts verify that you truely love her and really only want the best for your family. You are also very considerate of her pain and emotional issues which says a huge amount about the wonderful person you are and what a loving human being you are to be so understanding even when your partner has made life so very hard. You deserve to have a partner who can stand on her own feet and be there for you and your family,, and Im certain thats the kind of person she wants to be just as much as you want her to.

I just worry that the approach could do damage to your relationship, it boils down to a control issue. Your very much in control and she clearly needs to work on her own.. but shes got a physical issue that makes it twice as hard as for the average person,, and it appears you realize this,, but your still falling into the trap of, "it couldnt be me" and this being somthing she needs you to fix for her.

When will the time come that the doctor or you or whoever will say, okay you NEED these now... Im sure that question must be somewhere in the back of her mind, because its sooooooo hard when you have pain and others doubt that pain requires said drug or said amount of certain medications. When will it be 'bad enough' to satisfy the observers of your wifes pain (which is probalby much more emotional than phsyical)

I dont know, like I said mabey Im internalizing the whole scenario and Im way off.. I understand that somone whos out of control often needs help from others to realize that because they are in denial.. but that doesnt sound like the case here.

*bows with deep respect and apprication*      Jennifer