14th day methadone w/d and now I am just depressed.

[haley726]

I have never been more wrong when I thought the pysical pain was going to be the hardest. I mean w/d off methadone is no easy feat, but just when I get 4 hours sleep and think I'm crawling out of the hell I've been in, I get slapped in the face with a serious case of the "i don't care about anything". Is this just the next fun phase of w/d and how long is this going to last?

[haley726]

it's so weird to hear I have a positive attitude because for the past couple of years I was down and out. This is the hardest thing I have been through, but in the end my eyes have been opened to just how wonderful a world we live in. And I am proud to hear that someone thinks that I have a great attitude. I never knew that about myself, and it feels good. And I can't wait until my kids get out of school. I feel like me again and I know the kids and I are going to have a great summer.

[haley726]

thank you so much. You understand more than most how every prayer counts. Since you are praying for me I feel you should know my name... It's Corey. Today is a good day so God Bless you and thank you.

[t_nuh_had_nuf]

I know you are gonna make it! You've got a great attitude and that is MAJOR! Keeping busy is real important-my kids get out of school in a week-i'm sure yours will be out soon too-we'll be busy then! keeping you in my prayers. TEENA

[gnarly_1]

HI Haley .....I hope and pray you dont read this till morning .....but I know all to well the he11 of methadone withdrawals and not being able to sleep is a biggiy.....I just want to encourage you to push on when its 3 am and you cant shut your brain off and your up wired for sound
get into Gods word it will cleans your mind...if your not up to that I found rolling up on the couch with a blanket and listening to some soft music with my eyes closes as close to sleep as you will get... it helps ....at least you get rest sleep is hard to come by.....I have added you to my prayer list....I pray a general pray fro the whole forum but fro those in leadership and the believers I meet along the way I have a list I go threw each night so may our God threw sacrifice of his son set you free and give you a restful nights sleep and a good day tomorrow in Jesus name be blessed.........Gnarly  

[haley726]

I'm sure you know how much your encouragement helps. It is just a different battle from day to day. I have always had a very close relationship with God... That is until I was numbed from the drugs and my addiction. But after the severe pain w/ds were over, I was just overwhelmed with the Holy Spirit. I know that isn't what I will always feel because I do have severe anxiety and hopelessness, but at least I can feel again. It helps so much to talk to people like you that know what I'm going through, but in my heart I know God is the one pulling me through... Even if that means he leads me to you. Thank you for your support. I've just got to keep motivated like you said. On the bad days I am going to have to summon up the strength just to breath, and I know those days are ahead. I am just glad I have found not only you wonderful people to talk it out with... But I can feel God in my life again.

[atthebeach]

hey haley, congrats on those 14 days.you are on your way to being a recovering addict.  my husband has been clean for 15 months from a 14 yr. addiction to methadone and xanax. amazing you actually slept for 4 hrs. that is huge, he didnt literally sleep for months. if is amazing what our bodies can handle.  depression and lack of energy are definitely part of the cleansing process. that methadone is right from the depths of hell and yes the govt. gives it out, that is a major crime, everyone who goes to the clinic should be on a detox not maintenance. it becomes a worse addiction and much harder w/d then the original doc. please get yourself moving as much as possible, push yourself, take the kids to the park more, start to exercise it really helps alot and will help get your endrophins moving again.my husband lifts weights and runs 4 days a week very faithfully this has helped him greatly.  the LORD has also been a big part of my husbands and our familys recovery. we volunteer at  our church and at the chrisitian drug and alcohol program my husband was in. it encourages us and encourages those in the program to see that someone has made it to the other side to recovery. have you looked for any aftercare yet to keep yourself on the straight and narrow path to recovery. the road to hell is paved and wide. go to a counselor,therapist, na/aa, support groups, church, talk to a pastor, find a bible study,
read your bible at home and pray that will be time well spent. keep on posting. continue to trust in the LORD with all your heart, and HE will direct your paths. believe it and it shall be done. i will pray for you.

blessings to you and your family,
debbie

[haley726]

it has been so long since I put myself and my problems second that I just cry from joy when I here God's voice again. I feel almost whole again even through all this pain. Thank you for that. You are one in a million to be so open about your addition and more importantly your faith in God. It is very unfortunate there arnt more people like you. I guess that means you are a very busy person, and I am very lucky to have crossed paths with you.

[ImDONENoMore]

Check out volunteermatch.org and just type in your location - a whole bunch of ideas should come up for you.  GREAT idea!!  :)

[haley726]

I would really like to meet a person who says methadone w/d is easy. Until day 12 I thought I might die. I am just amazed the gov. puts this med out for everyone to get off other drugs. This is by far the worst w/d and the worst 2 weeks I have every been through. I did it on my own and had to go to the hospital 1 time cause I thought I was losing my mind. Unfortunately, what they gave me, Prozac and klonopin doesn't help with w/ds. And like I said, I know I'm nowhere to being over this, but I am better than I was yesterday and tomorrow will be the same. Now I have to focus on my "i don't give a crap" days and the "my head is too heavy to hold up" moments. I have OCD so my anxiety is the worst right now, but I've battled with that for a lot longer than the addiction. But round and round and up and down I'll go until it stops, whenever that will be. With the kids at school and hubby at work, if I don't find a hobby I will be asking for trouble. I want to find somewhere to volunteer I think. That will be good for my soul. I know God's here with me to help me through this, but I've got to find a way to meet him half way. Any ideas of where and how I could volunteer or find a hobby that's good for your soul?

[gnarly_1]

HI Haley....congrads on kicking the monster ........your to early into this to know just how your withdrawal is going to go ......lately we have had some members come off with mild withdrawals but typically methadone is a grind to get off....dont read anything into it
take it day by day yuor far enough along now where most of the physical stuff should be behind you....I tell everybody methadone is very cyclic you just think you got it bet and BAM it sets you down again.....this can go on a wile...I also alway say its not so much the withdrawal but the post withdrawal that makes it hard to kick....theres an energy crash that can be debilitating and then the problems with sleep only make that worst....there is no defenet time line....TEENA has done great theres been a few others in here that have 2....enough to make me think they may have changed the formula for me...well I broke 10yrs on the pills then 6 1/2 on methadone I was dope siick for a month and it took a good 90 days to start to feel normal ....I have helped a lot of people with this stuff and thaats typical; for long term use just keep in mind no 2 withdrawals are the same hang in there keep posting for support we all want to see you get well.....YOU CAN DO THIS......good luck and God bless Gnarly    

[haley726]

that's what is happening. I am feeling pretty great about everything and then get up the next day and can't believe how pathetic my life is... Today I drug myself into the shower and even put on some makeup and realized, hey, I do look a lot healthier already. That gave me a mental boost and ended up taking my 2 boys and 2 neices to the park with my husband. Now I am smiling on the inside. It started out a pretty crappy day and ended up, I don't know, I can't describe it... But it was great! I'm not expecting a miracle and to be cured from here on out, but a good day sober is a really good day!

[NoOC123]

I get really depressed when I come off too. All have a few moments that are good and I feel happy and I think maybe its getting better, and then the next 5 days are all horrible and I get that same mentality, F this, I dont even care about it anymore. But getting through those times seemed to actually give me some natural high because I could feel genuinely good about myself. For once I didn't succumb back to the drugs, I got thru it myself. Those days began to get fewer and fartehr in between. But when you're in it it seems like it will never end. I hit a breaking point around 3 weeks and started to see some light. I take 5-HTP from the vitamin store and it helps me a lot with the depression. You should try something like this, Vitamin D is good for mood, dark chocolate, they all help. The 5-HTP was really a savior for me though.

[t_nuh_had_nuf]

YES- Definitely some of them have been good. Even on the bad ones I know that I'm doing the best thing for my family and me.  YOU ARE TOO! My kids have noticed a difference in me and they don't know anything about my years of abuse. I won't lie- still have the runs-but after years of constipation i can handle it. Sneezing has stopped. Only sleeping 3 to 4 hrs at a time. Anxiety comes and the it GOES. Energy level still down.(I could help that with more exercise) Achy but ibuprofen helps-also hot soaks. I don't know how close I am to being"over" this either but I do know that i am closer than yesterday and so are you-HANG In there - message me if ya need to talk. TEENA

[haley726]

I know I am nowhere close to being over this, but after 73 days do you atleast have days when you do feel normal again or is this what it is like for the long haul? I stil have body aches and still sneezing and yawning every 30 seconds, but Sunday I felt like I was on top of the world and now I feel like my head is too heavy to hold up and the anxiety is creeping up my gut. It seems to me like when I finally got a few hours of sleep,   I opened up a whole other can of crap... Just please tell me in your 73 days, some of them have been good.

[t_nuh_had_nuf]

Haley-congrats on getting off methadone and congrats on 4 hrs sleep that is really good. I'm 73 days off methadone and you are totally right-it is no easy feat. They say that everyones w/d is different-I can tell you that I still have times when the"i don't care about anything" attitude is there, however, I felt that way on methadone too! Try and stay as positive as you can-I know it is hard but force yourself to do something to take your mind off it. Believe Gnarly when he says this is cyclic -knowing what to expect has helped me-also knowing that this WILL pass eventually. STAY STRONG! Teena