Very Long Suboxone Withdrawal

[hopeless1977]

Hi everyone. I was placed on Suboxone over 2 years ago after addiction to pain meds. For the most part, I was probably on 8 mg in the beginning but over the past 6-7 months I would cut the strips by hand into two parts and then over the past 3 or 4 months I was probably taking an average of 2-3 mg daily (which I know is still a lot). I never tapered down knowing that it will be difficult regardless. Anyhow, today is the 17th day of not taking ANY suboxone or other opiates and I am doubtful that I'll ever feel better. I wake up everyday in a complete panic, runs, with butterflies in my stomach, my heart pounding and not being able to change how I feel regardless of what I try to think about (happy place, etc...). After sitting in front of the TV like a vegetable for an hour or so the panic subsides a bit but I have absolutely no energy I mean NO ENERGY. I end up sleeping again in the early afternoon which again ends in a cycle of me waking up in a panic. It's either extreme anxiety, or just no energy at all. There is no in between. I'm in between jobs right now which is helpful but starting a new training for new job any day knowing very well I cannot work in this state makes me feel like I'm even worse. I guess the worst part of all of this is the fact that I really don't know whether it will EVER get better. I'm already on Paxil I've always been on some kind of antidepressant so I can't start that regimen. I have plenty of Xanax (prescribed) but these make me sleepy (again) which doesn't help me when it comes to the fact that I have to actually start WORKING. Oh the horror of the thought that I'll have to soon start working in this state of mind. I'm so sorry if I've disheartened anyone. That's not my intent. Does anyone see any hope for me or could this pretty much be permanent. (The new me?)  

[hopeless1977]

I'm sorry you're feeling that way:( Hopefully you'll be back on your feet and able to be there for yourself and kids very soon. How long will you be staying on suboxone? I am feeling, if anything, maybe very slightly better than yesterday. Work was very TOUGH to get through the past 3 days and luckily I didn't work today and don't work tomorrow so I've mainly been laying around the couch all day with the exception of going to the DMV with my mom in the morning for a bit. My heart rate is very high so I think I may go to see a heart doctor when I get a chance. Thanks for your support. Hope you feel better.

[hopeless1977]

Thanks for the hope and encouragement. I am going to do a bit of research on aftercare on here as you mentioned to see what else I need to be doing to hopefully succeed in my recovery.

[ready4btr]

Hey there!  Just wondering how you're doing today..  Last night was rough for me.  I would have done pills had I still had the phone numbers to the people I used to get them from. I cried a lot which was hard to explain to my kids and was so tired (my legs hurt, my throat hurt). I'm so pissed at myself for ever starting them but I think like most I never thought it would lead to this. I hope today is going a little better for you. How is work going??  Be proud of what you HAVE accomplished.

[jifmoc]

Hey, you definitely WILL improve even though you don't see it right now. Again, one month is really a drop in the bucket in terms of feeling "normal."

No need to explain why you were on subs for that long. I only mention that to remind you that one month compared to 2 years on subs AND however many years you were on opiates, is a very short time.

The xanax is still in your system even if you don't take it here and there. Yup, sleep is the last thing to come back naturally. But it does. I'ts really nice to not rely on anything to sleep, believe me. I never thought I'd get there. But I did and you will too:)

Please check into aftercare. Read some of the responses from the regulars on here; the folks who make it, do aftercare. And the ones who don't, don't.

Keep posting:)

[hopeless1977]

hey there thanks for your support:) If I could warn you to stay away from that stuff and just deal with the perc w/d's I would, but I know you've already taken that sub. Please try not to get used to it b/c as you can see from my story and others', it is a monster.

[ready4btr]

Hi there! I just started taking a small dose of Suboxone (not dr prescribed) to get myself off of a 3 year perc addiction. I was up to 4-6 10mg/day (perc) and cannot go on like this. I do have an appt to see a counselor but do not want a dr that will prescribe subs because I don't want to draw this out. I'm cutting an 8mg sub into thirds and have enough to barely get my through Christmas then I'm done. I deleted all the phone numbers I had to get pills and hope that the fact I've only been taking suboxone for a month or so will make the withdraw a little easier. I've already accepted the fact it will suck but feel that staying on subs will just prolong the process.  I wish you the best and honestly wish i could trade places with you so I had that much time already behind me. You WILL feel better someday. We all will if we stay strong. Post often. I'm here to listen and help. And need support too...  

[hopeless1977]

Thanks for your reply. I am feeling better than the beginning during which I could barely even sit straight on the couch, and you're right 2 years is a very long time and I should never have let it go on for so long, but I was scared of facing what I'm facing now and kept putting it off. I think the worst part is not knowing for sure whether things will improve, even though I know they should. As far as the benzos at night, yes I'm sure they don't help with next day energy but I find I have the problem with no energy even on days the night before which I didn't take any. I don't plan on staying on them long since either way, I cannot get a full night sleep. AS far as aftercare, I've not been attending counseling or any type but I do eat reasonably well and take vitamins. Thanks:)

[hopeless1977]

Thanks for posting. I usually take 2mg now (of the Xanax). Not every night though. As far as nutrition, I had been eating well (my appetite came back although my energy never did). I'm also taking multivitamins and sometimes a b complex sublingual liquid. I drink water. I really do everything I can in that sense. I will try to stay away from coffee which doesn't seem to help me (I miss those days back when coffee in the morning would give me the "pick me up" needed to at least get through part of the morning. Energy drinks aren't helping either. I actually suspected I may really be sick so I took my temp yesterday and didn't have a fever ( of course I could still have a cold). I'll give the protein shakes and emergen-c a shot:) Thanks

[jifmoc]

Hi, I just read your last comment. Believe it or not, you are still detoxing and a month is still "new" in terms of feeling physically okay. Your brain is trying to adjust to life w/o meds. The mental definitely affects the physical. Subs take longer than oxy/hydro to bounce back from. And you were on subs for 2 years!!! That is a very very long time to be on subs. That word, patience, is what you need. Compare one month to the YEARS you've been on whatever opiates and then subs. Can't expect to feel good yet. You are better now than you were at day 2, right? So it does improve, it's just snail-like.

Also, tho you are only taking benzos at nite, that isn't helping your energy. Perhaps you can set up a taper program w/ your dr?

And I'm sure you've seen this on here a million times but what are you doing for aftercare?

[atthebeach]

Nice to see you posting an update. Congratulations on day 34.
You are healing. Please be patient with the process.
After years of using it will take time for you to heal.
Please be encouraged. Keep the faith.
How much xanax are you on?

Are you eating proteins, vegetables, fruits. Staying away from sugars
And processed foods?
Taking vitamins?
Drinking protein shakes & emergen-c?
Sending prayers,
Debbie

[hopeless1977]

I don't know whether anyone is continuing to follow this thread but just wanted update my status. Today should have been day 34 according to my calculations. Second day at work. By the way I work at a retail pharmacy as a Pharmacist (yes I know). I'm clean except for the benzos I take most nights of the week. Not all, because when tolerance occurs it's like taking nothing. Let me explain how the past two days have been at work. of course I spend the majority of time standing in front of the computer verifying meds and this standing is extremely difficult for me, of course it was not difficult when I was doing the same thing with my prior employer because at that time I was not going through this. Today was worse than yesterday. I just feel drained of energy and that I constantly want to find an excuse to either sit or lean against something because I have no energy and feel extremely weak as though coming down with the flu. I don't know whether what I'm experiencing at this point can any longer be considered "normal" because it's now been well over one month and I should be having energy. I eat well except for breakfast which I have to force something down my throat due to no appetite, which I've always been that way. People at work are wondering what's wrong with me I can tell. I'm just so frustrated that I'm well over a month and still feeling this way. Getting through a day of work is like climbing Mount Everest. I don't mean to discourage anyone in their recovery, remember everyone is different. Maybe I'm just always going to remain like this. In which case, I clearly have to quit my job since I cannot do this everyday feeling like this.

[ScarrieAnne]

I know this is an older post Amanda, but all of your comments to hopeless gave me sooo much hope. Especially when your brain is all over the place it is trying to fix itself, This I will remember and repeat everyday, especially when I forget what im doing or cant spell a simple word. You are such an inspiration. Day 18 and my biggest complaint is sleeplessness, but I assume that will fix itself in time, hopefully, Thank you for sharing your story, it really  really  has helped! XOXO Carrie

[hopeless1977]

Day 23. Sitting on the couch in front of the TV. Still sneeze often. I still have sweaty palms/feet. I still don't feel comfortable and have stomach issues. I still feel anxious. Not as bad as before perhaps, but it's still there.

[hopeless1977]

I haven't tried that yet but at some point I plan to. Thanks.

[Pat1956100]

Hi there
I haven't read through all the posts yet but has anyone suggested the meditation videos for anxiety that are on youtube.  There are some really great ones that can help you relax and ease the anxiety.
Just a suggestion and hope it helps.

[hopeless1977]

Day 20 here. Woke up at 3, 4, 5, and 6 am with that uncomfortable feeling again in my stomach. It seems that all my worries hit me when I wake up in the morning. Full blown when the lights come out around 7 and I know I have to get up and face the day. This is the one thing that does not seem to LEAVE ME ALONE. I dread getting up in the morning that used to be my favorite time to get up and go get coffee (afternoons have always been my worst part of the day). Now I have NO good part of the day, except for nighttime, when I finally give in and allow myself to take a Xanax to finally be able to sit there in front of the TV without shaking from fear and terror, then get sleepy and go to sleep and the whole cycle starts from scratch. I even went to the gym today and did some hard bicycle workout for about 10 minutes but, who knows if and when this well help with rebuilding my seemingly gone endorphins which I see no sign of returning. Today is day 20 by the way. NO SUBOXONE. Maybe my case is taking longer than usual due to my past mood problems. who knows?

[hopeless1977]

Thank you:) Yes I would avoid suboxone altogether. You're just jumping from one boat to another and postponing hell. Now I know this to be a recipe for disaster.

[hopeless1977]

and yes I agree, doctors are idiots when it comes to this drug. Unless they've been through it they have no right to talk about how the withdrawals are going to be. I've seen people taper down to nothing and still have to go through this. The scariest part is not really knowing if it will ever truly end. (For me at least). Especially the mental/anxiety part. I do not want to end up on an antipsychotic because I saw my uncle confined to bed for 20 years from taking those, and then not wake up one day. There is no trusting doctors they treat people like experiments.  

[hopeless1977]

Thanks for your support. Yes you're situation seems very similar to mine. I hope things get better for you too. I still wake up in the morning in a panic with my stomach churning. The anxiety seems to take all my energy from me. I know you're a bit earlier than me in your recovery but each person is different . I think the hardest thing for me is the mind thing.  

[hopeless1977]

Thanks for your support. Do you feel better at all?

[Samsamson]

My prayers goes out to you. I have been off for almost a month after a couple of years trying to quit suboxone. I wish I never started and just quite the oxy or pecocets..But Is worth being clean from it...
Stay strong.....

[xxxc123]

I am praying for you.  Really.  
  I have maybe 25 days clean from pain meds and I really thought about trying the suboxone im really glad I didn't.    Why is it in every post I read about these things the withdrawal seems worse?  I guess I don't understand why this is given when it makes you withdraw and I thought it was to avoid that?  

[ScarrieAnne]

Your story practically mirrors mine. I was on subs for 3 years, and jumped off at 2-3 mg. the first 8 days was a living night mare for me so I know how you fell, Xanax is not the answer tho, Some things that helped me are: First and foremost try to have a positive attitude, you are starting your real life, and will be yourself again! Drink lots of water, and If you are freezing cold with chills take lots of hot baths, I basically hugged a heating pad for 9 days, still do just not as much, I got Melatonin and Valerian root to sleep and it helps a little. I also take multivitamins, plus b vitamins, Ive heard skullcap is good for anxiety too. I know this is awful, terrible and happening to us because of Big Pharma and incompetent Drs wanting to make money, get angry and it helps your angst, I was punching my pillow thinking of my Bentley driving quack sleeping in his mansion, while I laid awake being a basket case because he told me I would have NO withdrawal. I will tell you this, A LOT of the emotional stuff is in our heads, but not all of it You cant let it get to you. Take a deep breath, Tell yourself you are fine, suboxone is poison, Im happy to be free and this will not last forever. I was going to do it alone til I found this site, which is amazing, accept our help, it even changed my mind about going to meetings, which I never would've considered before! Im proud of you! You can do it, Im 11 days clean and a positive outlook goes a long way, If you make yourself move and do some yoga, you will get your endorphins going and moving around wont be so hard, I promise. I will be here for you if you need me! XOXO CarrieAnne P.s Dark Chocolate, Sex, Spicy food and exercise will help get those good chemicals moving along!

[hopeless1977]

Thanks for your support. I'm struggling but trying to hang in there. Like I posted above, still struggling. Reading what you mentioned about things finally starting to turn around for you around one month gives me a bit of hope. For me it's been only 19 days so maybe I shouldn't panic if that has not yet taken place.

Congrats on quitting antidepressants too. I know that, from my prior attempts, that is not easy either. I don't think it's anything even marginally close to quitting subs though as I'm sure you know.