Gosh!!!!!!!

[jenny8575309]

I'm tired, I've been working everyday this week, and I have to work tomorrow.  I've been going to meetings since Monday, and my head won't leave me alone.  It's like I'm faced with all the bad stuff I was running away from.  I've been running in some way or another my whole adult life.  I'm tired of running, but I'm afraid of going insane with this.  I just want to be ok, I just want to be normal, I just want to enjoy life like a Normal person that doesn't fkn hate herself.  I'm tired of struggling, I'm tired of not trusting myself, and I'm tired of the same damn useless thoughts and unanswered questions running through my head. For example, some say that NA isn't for everyone, What the hell is that supposed to mean?  1. jail 2. instituion, 3. death, or 4 NA.......so why isn't it for everyone?  That statement gives me a reason to justisfy me just not fkn with this.  I mean do you give a sick person a psychology book, and tell them to fix themselves?  That fkn NA book is talking to me!  Have any of you ever picked up a book, that told you **** you didn't even know about yourself?  HAve you ever picked up a book that was written for you?  I thought I was special, turns out I'm just an addict.  Insanity.... at least on drugs I was comfortable, not fidgety.....  But I don't want to do drugs, I'm tired of being sick and not having any money, and not being a good mom to my kids.  Can someone tell me when this insanity, the insanity and confusion of being newly sober, and taking a look at yourself will be more bearable?  I know one of you has been where I'm at, cos we're all the same.  Even if you don't know me, you know me, because I'm you.  Make sense?

[avisg]

jenny,
You seem to have many thoughts and questions going on in your head right now.Give yourself some time hun, I myself dont think that NA is the answer for everyone,but I do think everyone needs some type of aftercare...
It is almost overwhelming when you first get clean you have spent so much time numb it is very odd feeling feelings again.
how are you sleeping ?
avis

[jenny8575309]

not good.  Maybe 4 or 5 hours a night, some nights are worse than others.  Thanks for responding.  I do appreciate it.

[justlikeyou]

your doing great, eat good food not junk food, drink water not coffe, get lots of rest/sleep and everything will get better.

h.a.l.t.

hungry angry lonely tired   < - avoid them.

[avisg]

I was kind of wondering because your mind seems to be racing quite a bit...I have to say i agree with just,for now , watch caffeine and sugar intake.Are you getting exercise ,it can make healing your body so much faster.

[ChronicCaroline]

You are there...your are feeling quite sober and not use to true un-medicated feelings. All normal, and all perfectly the part of sobriety. It is a lot to deal with, as you know. Thats why you never do it alone, support is survival. Been there, don't like it, but I deal because I also have my children as my first priority, just as you do and sobriety is the ultimate gift I and you can give them. They don't know a thing about my problem, even when I don't have my vics I am still the same mom because they should never have to feel the recourse of my withdrawals or wanting a pill so bad I am in sh*** mood all day. Totally not cool! It is so hard some days though, I can't wait for the day to end, faking is no fun!
You know yourself and situations well it seems, if NA is not getting you where you think you should be is there something else available to you? I am new here so I don't know if you have posted your story or not. Best of luck!

[uberadtx]

I posted somewhere else to you but I have to post again. You know what, you are special.  Your an addict that has chosen recovery.  They say NA isn't for everyone because not everyone wants to recover.  Most addicts want the easier softer way.  Who the hell doesn't?  Relax and enjoy the fact that you are an addict with another day clean. The insanity and confusion subside when you start embracing the steps. I thought I had step one all covered because I could admit to things but I kept going back to it. Being able to absorb the idea of powerlessness is overwhelming.  When I truly came to realize what it is to be powerless my anxiety started to fade.  I realized that I have NO control over people, places and things, just my own sobriety.  It was an amazing transformation for me. I felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders. I started to feel safe and I started to connect with other addicts in a way that I didn't think was possible in the human race.  Stick with the winners they say.  Have an attitude of gratitude.  Be a dopeless hope addict.  It all comes together once you process what is being said.  The Book is amazing.  Keep reading it, write in it, make it YOUR recovery story.  Feed your soul because it is sooo hungry for nourishment.  Drugs have taken that away that connection to the person you used to be.  How crazy is that? Your addiction made you do things you would never do so go easy on yourself.  There is time to be accountable.  The very act of walking into a meeting is really you being accountable for the person you are. And that is AMAZING.  Let me know how you do.