Aa
28 wks pregnant and addicted to Vic
I never thought I would put myself/baby in this position. I am a mom of three beautiful young children so far and have never had an addiction problem before. I suffered from a lower back injury and severe hip pain prior to becoming pregnant and started on Vic. I have been taking 4 tabs of 10/325 for most of the pregnancy and have felt severe depression, remorse and guilt about it. I have taken no other substances during pregnancy. I thought it was safe to just slowly taper off but am reading about pregnancy WD and am really scared; as I knw baby will WD too w/ premature labor, poor placental functionality, and me onion release in utero. I also knw baby will likely test positive for Vic/opiates on a meconium tox screen - but my Ob/gyn had prescribed me a small amount (due to hip pain) with stern, stern warnings of posb addiction. So I figured if baby tested positive, it would be legitimate and not trigger CPS involvement. No one in my life knows that I have been struggling with this. I'm afraid if I reach out for help, I will loose everything. I have a very successful full time career and three beautiful kids so far. I am so afraid to have this addiction in my medical records with posb CPS involvement. In fact, even admitting this addiction would cost me my license, to do my job. Is there anyway to wean off by myself? Do you think baby will withdrawal at birth if I stop my use now. I am deathly afraid to tell my Ob/gyn!!!! However, I have to take responsibility and do the right thing. I just desperately want to have a healthy 4th baby and keep my reputation/ job and live life without this addiction and severe fear and guilt I feel like the worse person and mother in the world right now. It took so much for me to even admit my problem and post on this site. I'm in a really scary, fragile place and am in tears as I write this. Can anyone offer me advice on my situation? Please be kind, I really need support and encouragement right now :(
That first sentence was SUPPOSED to say "First, I have to say THAT I FEEL like you might . . ."
That was just the impression I got from reading your post. BTW, my wife was an OB nurse and active on this site for a number of years using the name 1234betterlife. She had the same impression about your described use being indicative of dependence, but not yet addiction.
CATUF
That was just the impression I got from reading your post. BTW, my wife was an OB nurse and active on this site for a number of years using the name 1234betterlife. She had the same impression about your described use being indicative of dependence, but not yet addiction.
CATUF
Greetings:
First, I have to say like you might be dependent on hydrocodone, but you don't sound like you're addicted. There is a big difference between addiction and dependence. Here's a nice summary of the difference from www.drugabuse.gov:
Addiction—or compulsive drug use despite harmful consequences—is characterized by an inability to stop using a drug; failure to meet work, social, or family obligations; and, sometimes (depending on the drug), tolerance and withdrawal. The latter reflect physical dependence in which the body adapts to the drug, requiring more of it to achieve a certain effect (tolerance) and eliciting drug-specific physical or mental symptoms if drug use is abruptly ceased (withdrawal). Physical dependence can happen with the chronic use of many drugs—including many prescription drugs, even if taken as instructed. Thus, physical dependence in and of itself does not constitute addiction, but it often accompanies addiction. This distinction can be difficult to discern, particularly with prescribed pain medications, for which the need for increasing dosages can represent tolerance or a worsening underlying problem, as opposed to the beginning of abuse or addiction." Please read a bunch on-line about the difference between dependence and addiction
I understand your feelings about career, keeping the secret a secret, losing everything, and feeling like you MUST do it all by yourself. I am a professional and had my own practice for most of the time I was in active addiction. I went from taking pain meds as prescribed (for a short period) to someone in full blown, over-the-top, ultimately late-stage addiction, with the last 10 months getting me into street drugs and very bad places.
From the beginning, I kept everything a secret as if it were a mandate from God and in the year 2000 set out on my own super-secret, self-help, all-by-myself program of recovery once things started getting too out of control.
By the time I found this forum in March of 2002, about 18 months had passed and my problem had grown worse than I could have imagined. That's what addiction does - it gets worse and worse, at ever-increasing rate. This site was some help, and I stayed cleaner longer than before (though never more than 2 months), but I kept relapsing and each time the drugs had a stronger hold on me. So, as time progressed, I had my problem grew by leaps and bounds, while my capacity to deal with the problem diminished at more or less the same rate. This is the Rule and not the Exception.
AA's Big Book (in which I always substitute addiction/using for alcoholism/drinking) speaks to this problem in a way that I experienced first hand: "At a certain point in the [USING] of every [ADDICT] , he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected." That last sentence just haunts me, because I know now that by the time I was thinking "this MIGHT be getting to be a bit of a problem," I was already in so far over my head that I was helpless to do anything about it.
Another bit from the Big Book: "Though there is no way of proving it, we believe that early in our [USING] careers most of us could have stopped [USING]. But the difficulty is that few [ADDICTS] have enough desire to stop while there is yet time."
In the end, my inability to ask for help from ANYBODY eventually paved the way for EVERYBODY finding out. And by that time what they found was a VERY messy story. Further, I lost the practice and the big house and had gone deeply in debt (financing a habit costing hundreds a day by home equity loan and credit cards after running through the savings).
I'm OK today. I was finally forced into a 30-day rehab at the end of 2004. It helped a lot and I came home a new man. But even that new man thought he needed "just one more time." That led to a crazy non-stop 5 month run on crack. I went back into rehab in June of 2005 and stayed four months that time. I literally almost died (more than a few times) in that last 5 months of using , but I've been in Active Recovery since day-1 of that last rehab.
For whatever reason, you have been given the gift of worrying about your using "while there is yet time." Don't let that gift pass you by. Get help to put this fire out NOW while it is small and has done no damage. If you don't, it will get bigger.
If you are an addict-in-waiting, it will get bigger than you can possibly imagine at this point. And, unless it is arrested, it will damage or destroy everything you care about. The fact that you're worried now, while you're still taking at as-prescribed levels, tells me that you MIGHT not be an addict-in-waiting.
But either way, if you look at this with clarity, the answer is GET HELP NOW. Either you're simply dealing with a small problem, which is no big deal, or you're averting a life-destroying disaster, which is a huge deal.
You're going to be OK
CATUF
3,470
First, I have to say like you might be dependent on hydrocodone, but you don't sound like you're addicted. There is a big difference between addiction and dependence. Here's a nice summary of the difference from www.drugabuse.gov:
Addiction—or compulsive drug use despite harmful consequences—is characterized by an inability to stop using a drug; failure to meet work, social, or family obligations; and, sometimes (depending on the drug), tolerance and withdrawal. The latter reflect physical dependence in which the body adapts to the drug, requiring more of it to achieve a certain effect (tolerance) and eliciting drug-specific physical or mental symptoms if drug use is abruptly ceased (withdrawal). Physical dependence can happen with the chronic use of many drugs—including many prescription drugs, even if taken as instructed. Thus, physical dependence in and of itself does not constitute addiction, but it often accompanies addiction. This distinction can be difficult to discern, particularly with prescribed pain medications, for which the need for increasing dosages can represent tolerance or a worsening underlying problem, as opposed to the beginning of abuse or addiction." Please read a bunch on-line about the difference between dependence and addiction
I understand your feelings about career, keeping the secret a secret, losing everything, and feeling like you MUST do it all by yourself. I am a professional and had my own practice for most of the time I was in active addiction. I went from taking pain meds as prescribed (for a short period) to someone in full blown, over-the-top, ultimately late-stage addiction, with the last 10 months getting me into street drugs and very bad places.
From the beginning, I kept everything a secret as if it were a mandate from God and in the year 2000 set out on my own super-secret, self-help, all-by-myself program of recovery once things started getting too out of control.
By the time I found this forum in March of 2002, about 18 months had passed and my problem had grown worse than I could have imagined. That's what addiction does - it gets worse and worse, at ever-increasing rate. This site was some help, and I stayed cleaner longer than before (though never more than 2 months), but I kept relapsing and each time the drugs had a stronger hold on me. So, as time progressed, I had my problem grew by leaps and bounds, while my capacity to deal with the problem diminished at more or less the same rate. This is the Rule and not the Exception.
AA's Big Book (in which I always substitute addiction/using for alcoholism/drinking) speaks to this problem in a way that I experienced first hand: "At a certain point in the [USING] of every [ADDICT] , he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected." That last sentence just haunts me, because I know now that by the time I was thinking "this MIGHT be getting to be a bit of a problem," I was already in so far over my head that I was helpless to do anything about it.
Another bit from the Big Book: "Though there is no way of proving it, we believe that early in our [USING] careers most of us could have stopped [USING]. But the difficulty is that few [ADDICTS] have enough desire to stop while there is yet time."
In the end, my inability to ask for help from ANYBODY eventually paved the way for EVERYBODY finding out. And by that time what they found was a VERY messy story. Further, I lost the practice and the big house and had gone deeply in debt (financing a habit costing hundreds a day by home equity loan and credit cards after running through the savings).
I'm OK today. I was finally forced into a 30-day rehab at the end of 2004. It helped a lot and I came home a new man. But even that new man thought he needed "just one more time." That led to a crazy non-stop 5 month run on crack. I went back into rehab in June of 2005 and stayed four months that time. I literally almost died (more than a few times) in that last 5 months of using , but I've been in Active Recovery since day-1 of that last rehab.
For whatever reason, you have been given the gift of worrying about your using "while there is yet time." Don't let that gift pass you by. Get help to put this fire out NOW while it is small and has done no damage. If you don't, it will get bigger.
If you are an addict-in-waiting, it will get bigger than you can possibly imagine at this point. And, unless it is arrested, it will damage or destroy everything you care about. The fact that you're worried now, while you're still taking at as-prescribed levels, tells me that you MIGHT not be an addict-in-waiting.
But either way, if you look at this with clarity, the answer is GET HELP NOW. Either you're simply dealing with a small problem, which is no big deal, or you're averting a life-destroying disaster, which is a huge deal.
You're going to be OK
CATUF
3,470
Hi there- First off, just ignore that tapering advice from Mittens123. It's poor advice. You shouldn't be cutting your dose by 50%! On the bright side, I'm sure your baby and you are fine right now. Please don't cause yourself stress and anxiety.
Definitely speak with your doctor. Tell him/her you've been taking them for pain and need reassurance about the baby. Now, do you really feel like you're addicted? People become dependent after weeks and months of use but they are not always addicts...We can talk about the difference.
Please stay in touch. It's slow on the forum right now but there are some great, very supportive people here and a few nurses (I'm an RN). You're in good company!
Definitely speak with your doctor. Tell him/her you've been taking them for pain and need reassurance about the baby. Now, do you really feel like you're addicted? People become dependent after weeks and months of use but they are not always addicts...We can talk about the difference.
Please stay in touch. It's slow on the forum right now but there are some great, very supportive people here and a few nurses (I'm an RN). You're in good company!
Please do not give tapering advice, hon. We are not doctors, we dont' know each person's medical history, and it is against forum guidelines.
Sweetnsimple: I can't imagine what license you hold that would be yanked because you have a dependency on pain pills. Your doctor is forbidden to tell anyone under HIPPA laws.
You are not a terrible person; these pills are strong and many, many people develop an addiction. My advice is to tell your OB-GYN or primary care physician. Emphasize you want OFF of them and that you hate this dependency.
I truly think that is your only course of action. It's doing the right thing. The stress you are feeling right now is injurious to your heatlh; just take a deep breath, and tell your doctor. You CAN do this...and we are here to give you all the emotional support you need.
Good luck honey. Life is hard sometimes...my prayers are with you...
Hugs,
-Robin
Sweetnsimple: I can't imagine what license you hold that would be yanked because you have a dependency on pain pills. Your doctor is forbidden to tell anyone under HIPPA laws.
You are not a terrible person; these pills are strong and many, many people develop an addiction. My advice is to tell your OB-GYN or primary care physician. Emphasize you want OFF of them and that you hate this dependency.
I truly think that is your only course of action. It's doing the right thing. The stress you are feeling right now is injurious to your heatlh; just take a deep breath, and tell your doctor. You CAN do this...and we are here to give you all the emotional support you need.
Good luck honey. Life is hard sometimes...my prayers are with you...
Hugs,
-Robin
Hi sweetnsimple, I've never posted here before, always look around this site. I wanted to answer your question though, to reassure you. I took vicodin my entire 3rd pregnancy, not prescribed, 3 pills per day cut down to 1 1/2 pills per day the last week, my sweet baby boy was born totally healthy.. I know 2 other women who took vicodin and oxycodone, prescribed, and their babies were born healthy as well. Like you I stressed, didn't really get to enjoy my pregnancy, which was my last one. Now my baby is 9 months old, I'm still addicted, taking as much as 8/10mg pills a day. If I were you I would try to taper down to 1 or 2 pills per day.. At least you have your pregnancy to use as an excuse for being tired.. I'm going to quit today, I spend too much money on these damn things, I'm tired of being hooked on a pill.. Best of luck to you!
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