Aa
30 days heroin / pills free :)
Zombie crew unite!
First off there are three of us that kicked at the same time. WODAgirl, Ariley13, and myself. All three in different but equily terrible addition states.
Mine was heroin and pain pils. Ill let the other two tell you about theirs.
I had had enough exactly 30 days ago and decided to quit. I ALMOST considerd suboxone because I was really afraid of the withdrawls coming. I have had WD MANY times in the past and relapsed every time. But it the past 4 years it was always pills like oxy, Vicodin, and percs. And those WD were horrible so the thought of coming off of pills AND pretty serious heroin usage now I was scared shetless! But I decided against the subs because I know people on it and the ones I know are like the walking dead for reals. Plus I have read the horror stories of coming off of that stuff and its brutal for most people and its a looooong process of you are on it for a while. So I just said F it I'm done with it all. I'm dragging myself back into hell ONE LAST TIME.
My motivation:
My wife. First and foremost. Seeing how worried she was about me on a daily basis, physically seeing it on her face, knowing that of something happend to me her life was going to be ruined. I would be leaving her with our 1 1/2 year old, no money and another one on the way ( which I found out just HOURS after I decided to quit!). The day we went to the sub doctor for a evaluation she was crying with happiness. That seriously haunted me until the day I decided to quit. And thinking of that almost hourly while trying to tuff out the brutal WD helped me hang on in there.
My son was also my motivation. Probably don't need to day anymore. I need to be there for him I could not imagine not being there for him and the next one :)
Debt. This was another serious factor. If I would have had to run and get just one more fix ( I had to drive a loooong way to get it and had to get it in bulk). It would have been the straw that broke the camels back. As it is I have a HUGE debt hole to dig out of. Trust me its pretty bad, and I make good money.
So I went cold turkey at home. It was honestly the worse WD hell I ever experienced. I had it all. Ice cold to the CORE for days, all the while sweating like crazy, vomiting, massive stomach issues, sneezing, terrible sinus issues, body aches to the extreme, restlessness, PANIC! DEPRESSION! MADNESS! I did not sleep for six entire days, I smelled like a freaking dirty goat and I forced myself to shower daily and the second I got out of the shower this rancid sweet and sour chicken mixed with chemicals and goat balls smell just poured out of my pours. It was disgusting. I totally crapped myself twice once while sneezing in bed lol. Not funny then but funny now! Almost choaked on my own snot running down my throat continuously. And those were the pleasant symptoms. Racing thoughts burning skin, no rest for my brain it was torture. I'm not trying to scare anyone away from doing this, I'm trying to remind everyone how bad it is and to not ever do this again and if you are just starting out dont let yourself get to my point. And also I have had WD coming off of just pain pills that have been VERY close to being as bad as this so don't think just taking pills will make your WD easier. This one was toughest by not by FAR.
The first week was hell. Period. Barely got out of bed and when I did I HATED it. I could hardly move I was so exhausted and in pain. No sleep at all for the first week. That was brutal. Thought I would lose my mind. Here is how it went. I would force myself to lay down. Flop like a dying sweaty fish, get mad, jerk myself up and sit on the side of the bed in panic and sweat, and repeat. For like 6-7 days. I the SECOND my mind did shut down to try and sleep I Immediatly sprung up in a SUPER MASSIVE PAINC ATTACK! It made me not even WANT to sleep I was sooo scared of getting those panic attacks that I took nothing for sleep for the first 6-7 days.
Week two ( first half). Appetite coming back. Sleep maybe 30 mins at a time. But it's sleep.
Second half week two: appetite is out of control! I am eating myself into oblivion! Seriously until I cannot move. Makes me feel like crap after but I cannot help it. Still can barely walk from the house to the car. But I'm pushing through.
Start of week three. Back to work :(((((. HATED every second of that first week I was sooo exhausted and nerved up. It was zero fun being there let me tell you. Still eating like a monster. I cannot stress this enough. Food makes my shake when I see it even worse then any drug I have EVER craved. No joke. And again I am constantly blowing myself out at every meal and feeling terrible after. I have GOT to be gaining massive weight at this point but I don't care. Everyone at work had thought I had been tanning I am so full of color now, not grey like before.
Week two and three, sex drive is back and in overdrive! I am obsessed with music again and have this crazed need to play the drums again ( stopped ALL of that while using). I am laughing and just about crying at EVERYTHING! Emotions are all over and testosterone is raging.
Week 4. Work is better. Not good but better. I still get tired too easy and I am still eating like a madman. I have been going to a drug therapist weekly and that seems ok for now. No meetings yet. BUT no drug cravings either.
Middle of week 4 I had a full physical at my doctors. I was afraid to get on the scale and guess how much I gained.......NOTHING!!!
This has to be impossible. I asked the doc and he said its perfectly normal. My body is craving the food because it NEEDS it to heal and is using it up and not storing anything. He said eat when you need to and don't worry about it. He also said it won't last forwver and soon I will gain.
So I started eating healthy the end of last week and will be joining the gym this week.
So now at 30 days.
Lingering effects:
Still a little weakness and tiredness.
Still some cobwebs upstairs
ZERO drug cravings.
Still sneezing though not as much.
Stomachs issues and settling down but not perfect.
Still pretty edgy and nerves and still kind of raw.
Oh and I am also super oily on my face. I have to wash my face like 4x per day. Honestly throughout the day you can see it, I'm not getting acney or anything just crazy oily face! This happend to me before while detoxing but it's so crazy.
Appetite is calming down some know also.
As far as the good things about being at 30, man there are so many! I am no longer a slave to drugs and dealers! I don't have to reach for anything as soon as I get up and before I go to bed. My money is MINE! Well it's bills now but you know! I can Do ANYTHING now and not have to worry about how many pills i have or how much H. I am sooo much more fun to be around! I am involved with my family and wife much more and am doing fun things again! My passion for so many things has come back! I feel real empowerd instead of enslaved! I am coherent, active, involved, fiesty, a little mean :), funny, friendly, short tempered, angry, sad, happy, arrogant, helpful, smart and every other NATURAL emotion that I have not felt in years!
It's not all rainbows, and it never will be but that's life and I am finally living it agin instead of trying to escape it!
And like I have said before of I can do this ANYONE can. The people on here, I cannot describe how you have helped me through. But you did. Those sleepless days I had my quitting buddies (zombie crew!) and some wonderful unselfish people on here who took their time out to help me through it. You guys made a hell of a difference to me and I won't forget it.
Sorry this was so long but this is what you will get every 30 days for a while from me! Hopefully it helps someone!
If you are thinking about doing this trust me you have to it is SOOOOO worth it! And I'm being honest, I'm not nice enough to lie to people :)
First off there are three of us that kicked at the same time. WODAgirl, Ariley13, and myself. All three in different but equily terrible addition states.
Mine was heroin and pain pils. Ill let the other two tell you about theirs.
I had had enough exactly 30 days ago and decided to quit. I ALMOST considerd suboxone because I was really afraid of the withdrawls coming. I have had WD MANY times in the past and relapsed every time. But it the past 4 years it was always pills like oxy, Vicodin, and percs. And those WD were horrible so the thought of coming off of pills AND pretty serious heroin usage now I was scared shetless! But I decided against the subs because I know people on it and the ones I know are like the walking dead for reals. Plus I have read the horror stories of coming off of that stuff and its brutal for most people and its a looooong process of you are on it for a while. So I just said F it I'm done with it all. I'm dragging myself back into hell ONE LAST TIME.
My motivation:
My wife. First and foremost. Seeing how worried she was about me on a daily basis, physically seeing it on her face, knowing that of something happend to me her life was going to be ruined. I would be leaving her with our 1 1/2 year old, no money and another one on the way ( which I found out just HOURS after I decided to quit!). The day we went to the sub doctor for a evaluation she was crying with happiness. That seriously haunted me until the day I decided to quit. And thinking of that almost hourly while trying to tuff out the brutal WD helped me hang on in there.
My son was also my motivation. Probably don't need to day anymore. I need to be there for him I could not imagine not being there for him and the next one :)
Debt. This was another serious factor. If I would have had to run and get just one more fix ( I had to drive a loooong way to get it and had to get it in bulk). It would have been the straw that broke the camels back. As it is I have a HUGE debt hole to dig out of. Trust me its pretty bad, and I make good money.
So I went cold turkey at home. It was honestly the worse WD hell I ever experienced. I had it all. Ice cold to the CORE for days, all the while sweating like crazy, vomiting, massive stomach issues, sneezing, terrible sinus issues, body aches to the extreme, restlessness, PANIC! DEPRESSION! MADNESS! I did not sleep for six entire days, I smelled like a freaking dirty goat and I forced myself to shower daily and the second I got out of the shower this rancid sweet and sour chicken mixed with chemicals and goat balls smell just poured out of my pours. It was disgusting. I totally crapped myself twice once while sneezing in bed lol. Not funny then but funny now! Almost choaked on my own snot running down my throat continuously. And those were the pleasant symptoms. Racing thoughts burning skin, no rest for my brain it was torture. I'm not trying to scare anyone away from doing this, I'm trying to remind everyone how bad it is and to not ever do this again and if you are just starting out dont let yourself get to my point. And also I have had WD coming off of just pain pills that have been VERY close to being as bad as this so don't think just taking pills will make your WD easier. This one was toughest by not by FAR.
The first week was hell. Period. Barely got out of bed and when I did I HATED it. I could hardly move I was so exhausted and in pain. No sleep at all for the first week. That was brutal. Thought I would lose my mind. Here is how it went. I would force myself to lay down. Flop like a dying sweaty fish, get mad, jerk myself up and sit on the side of the bed in panic and sweat, and repeat. For like 6-7 days. I the SECOND my mind did shut down to try and sleep I Immediatly sprung up in a SUPER MASSIVE PAINC ATTACK! It made me not even WANT to sleep I was sooo scared of getting those panic attacks that I took nothing for sleep for the first 6-7 days.
Week two ( first half). Appetite coming back. Sleep maybe 30 mins at a time. But it's sleep.
Second half week two: appetite is out of control! I am eating myself into oblivion! Seriously until I cannot move. Makes me feel like crap after but I cannot help it. Still can barely walk from the house to the car. But I'm pushing through.
Start of week three. Back to work :(((((. HATED every second of that first week I was sooo exhausted and nerved up. It was zero fun being there let me tell you. Still eating like a monster. I cannot stress this enough. Food makes my shake when I see it even worse then any drug I have EVER craved. No joke. And again I am constantly blowing myself out at every meal and feeling terrible after. I have GOT to be gaining massive weight at this point but I don't care. Everyone at work had thought I had been tanning I am so full of color now, not grey like before.
Week two and three, sex drive is back and in overdrive! I am obsessed with music again and have this crazed need to play the drums again ( stopped ALL of that while using). I am laughing and just about crying at EVERYTHING! Emotions are all over and testosterone is raging.
Week 4. Work is better. Not good but better. I still get tired too easy and I am still eating like a madman. I have been going to a drug therapist weekly and that seems ok for now. No meetings yet. BUT no drug cravings either.
Middle of week 4 I had a full physical at my doctors. I was afraid to get on the scale and guess how much I gained.......NOTHING!!!
This has to be impossible. I asked the doc and he said its perfectly normal. My body is craving the food because it NEEDS it to heal and is using it up and not storing anything. He said eat when you need to and don't worry about it. He also said it won't last forwver and soon I will gain.
So I started eating healthy the end of last week and will be joining the gym this week.
So now at 30 days.
Lingering effects:
Still a little weakness and tiredness.
Still some cobwebs upstairs
ZERO drug cravings.
Still sneezing though not as much.
Stomachs issues and settling down but not perfect.
Still pretty edgy and nerves and still kind of raw.
Oh and I am also super oily on my face. I have to wash my face like 4x per day. Honestly throughout the day you can see it, I'm not getting acney or anything just crazy oily face! This happend to me before while detoxing but it's so crazy.
Appetite is calming down some know also.
As far as the good things about being at 30, man there are so many! I am no longer a slave to drugs and dealers! I don't have to reach for anything as soon as I get up and before I go to bed. My money is MINE! Well it's bills now but you know! I can Do ANYTHING now and not have to worry about how many pills i have or how much H. I am sooo much more fun to be around! I am involved with my family and wife much more and am doing fun things again! My passion for so many things has come back! I feel real empowerd instead of enslaved! I am coherent, active, involved, fiesty, a little mean :), funny, friendly, short tempered, angry, sad, happy, arrogant, helpful, smart and every other NATURAL emotion that I have not felt in years!
It's not all rainbows, and it never will be but that's life and I am finally living it agin instead of trying to escape it!
And like I have said before of I can do this ANYONE can. The people on here, I cannot describe how you have helped me through. But you did. Those sleepless days I had my quitting buddies (zombie crew!) and some wonderful unselfish people on here who took their time out to help me through it. You guys made a hell of a difference to me and I won't forget it.
Sorry this was so long but this is what you will get every 30 days for a while from me! Hopefully it helps someone!
If you are thinking about doing this trust me you have to it is SOOOOO worth it! And I'm being honest, I'm not nice enough to lie to people :)
I love how you tell it like it is and you don't sugar coat it. Congratulations and keep up the awesome work!
Amazing how long it takes to get off these meds. 4-6 days is a really long time when every minute feels like 5 hours. Stay strong mang
Zombie crew all accounted for! Sorry I not been around the past couple if days....have some personal stuff going on. Gonna try to update tmw.
Congrats! I am so happy for you! Seems like we just wrote about starting out :)...I am right behind you, so I will be doing my 30 days Tuesday or Wed. You have accomplished so much! I am proud of you...keep rocking...
Belle
Belle
Great Job. You came off a rough drug and you're doing it! Make sure to protect the hard-earned 'new you' because it gets harder and harder with each habit and with age. As you knows (Particularly with our DOC, there are no guarantees of a tomorrow or a next time.) Keep sheddin' those days. Rock on, my friend!
I have to tell you, being on my almost 48 hours clean, this story not only made me laugh and gave me hope.. It was amazing to see that not one, not two, but three people quiet together, as a team, some on worse then me... Your an inspiration!! I can't wait to read ur 60 day story and share my 1 month story!
Yes that smell I guess is your body ridding itself of poisons and may is it brutal. No one else complained about It but believe me I was in a cloud of that smell for over a week and REALLY bad for like 4-6 days.
And thanks again for the support :)
And thanks again for the support :)
Great job and great post. Sounds familiar....very familiar.
I always need to remember this stuff. Thank you buddy
I always need to remember this stuff. Thank you buddy
Hey congrats on 30 days clean keep pushing on the meetings your doing great they will help you stay that way good luck and God bless................................................Gnarly............................
GREAT POST!!!! Congratulations on 30 days my friend!!!! Great motivations that you listed for getting clean, but it's time to list YOU as the motivation for staying clean. Always remember that YOU are worth it. When you stay clean, everyone and everything else will fall into place. Keep your guard up at all times.
I LOVE this post! What a perfect reflexion of the hell of addiction and the joys of recovery. Goat balls mixed with sour chicken.....I almost shat myself reading that!!!! Your way funny. Congrats on your 30 days to you and your partners in crime. I know your devoted to a lifetime of clean and healthy living. High five to you!
Congrats to the zombie crew on 30 days. You all are doing great!! Keep it up!!!!
Chris
Chris
hey congratulations that is great! you really have a knack for telling ur story. nice to see ur success :-)
I love those stories. They always make me giggle! It's one of those things in life that is so not funny when it happens, but becomes hilarious down the road.
COMMUNITY LEADER
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! 30 days is huge!!! I am so proud of you!!
ariley...I was at home during my wd's and have a lot of "shat myself" stories!! lol
ariley...I was at home during my wd's and have a lot of "shat myself" stories!! lol
I sure did do it in a semi truck! I was so lucky that I had no stomach or bathroom issues with my wds. Thank God! Could you imagine? I would have all kinds of good 'shat myself' stories!!
Yes and you did it in a freaking semi truck if I'm remember right? That is CRAZY AMAZING! All that moving around and not having a bathroom within like 6 seconds at all time I would have just died. You are a strong individual sister! Beelee dat!
Yay!! 30 days! SO awesome, my friend. It is unbelievable how much difference a month can make. I remember staying up on here all night and feeling like I was losing my mind. But at least I wasn't losing it alone. I was lucky enough to have 2 other brave, wonderful people going through hell with me. It made all the difference to know that I wasn't alone. Thank you so much guys! Thank you everyone on this site! You all are amazing.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
