3rd C/T withdrawal .. in need of encouragement

[VonB]

Hi All .....I have withdrawn from Oxycontin 40mg 3x a day and Percocet 10/325 3x a day ( that is the prescribed amounts of what I am supposed to take)  the first two withdrawals happened because I took more than the  prescribed amount and ran out early ... so was forced into C/T withdrawals ... this time I have pills ...but feel when I take the pills I am dead inside ... even those who care about me say I am a different person when I am on the pills.  I am 48 hours clean and am starting the uncomfortable part.  I was going to give the pills I have to my mother to hold .. I am not ready to flush them in case the pain gets intolerable.  I have some severe problems with pain I have two rods in my spine from a car accident and have had 3 surgeries. I also have been diagnosed with peripheral nueropathy ... I am appreciative of any encouragement or advice anyone has to give .. Thanks Von

[ThisIsIt983]

It's not that he doesn't care it is probably his way of dealing with it. I know that when my husband comes home i want to talk to him about my plans on getting off the pills or all the nice people who are so much like me that i have met on here & then i look at him & his eyes are closed He says honey i want to relax i have had to work all day. But he also takes meds. I am just worse because i have dual addictions such as benzos.

My mom is 70 yrs old & has a lot of bone problems. Yet she takes no narcotics nor does she understand addiction. She does not know about my current addiction to opiates. She know i take zanax but she thinks it is only once in a while. She has no idea the level or how bad i have become. But she is in better shape than me & I am nowhere near 70. I know if i keep up at the pace i am going i will not make it much longer. I lose track of how many i take when i first get them. Because of the mixing of the pills. When i pick up my scripts at the pharmacy most people have one maybe two. I have a huge sack. It is even getting kinda embarassing cause i am sure they know i am an addict. I am the first one there on the days i get my re-fills On the days i see my doc i will sit & wait even if it takes an hr.

I am ready to just quit c/t. I was freaking out earlier cause we are due to get a huge snow & ice storm. On the anniversary of the huge one we had last yr. We had no power for 6 days. Some people had no power for up to 2 months. And i am close to running out. Can't stand the thought of no power & going thru cold turkey. I have calmed down a bit.

Whatever happens is gods will. I have been praying a lot. I am so ready to kick this addiction out the door & slam it in its face. So if the storm hits & we lose our power while i am w/ding so be it. I certainly will never forget thats for sure. I will  tell you another time about what happened the only other time i went c/t.

I am sure you are not feeling well & the fact you are posting shows how much you want to get clean despite all of your pain.   Good Luck

[Tamethepain]

Has your MD mentioned Lyrica for the neuropathy? Once you are clean it may help. It has a slightly sedative effect without being am opiate. Ask you husband to help you. He sounds like he's withdrawing because he doest know what you want to do. Have him hold your pills & taper you off. When you come down you may also feel depressed & may need help. Good luck to you. It does get easier one day at a time!

[Calamity2]

Hi  Von  sorry about your discomfort. I dont have rods in my back but I do have real pain some days worst than others. The OT meds that I take relieve more of the pain than the opiates did. My pain level was higher when I was activily using because my body was alway want MORE oxy, vics any  opiate. But ONCE THE BODY AND MIND HAVE TIME TO ADJUST TO DEALING WITH PAIN AND EMOTIONS ON ITS OWN OR WITH OT MEDS It works better or just as good. I pain isnt completely gone but I can funtion without chasing the pills. Focusing my life around the pills. Losing my time with my son and others to the pills.     Hang in there dont get discouraged your on the cusp of a new dawn!!!  Dont cave!!!

[VonB]

hi Thanks so much for responding to my Post :) I really appreciate it ... my Husband has told me that when I am abusing the pills I act retarded.. don't make sense and don't want to do anything but Veg out. The other day ( Saturday ) my best friend called me and knew I wasn't right .. she said the best way to expalin it .. was like I was speaking in tongues... she came over and sat with my until my Husband got home about Noon. I have NO recollection of seeing my Bestfriend on saturday NONE  My Husband doesnt  seem to want to deal with anything .. he never really says anything .. I m not sure why. Is it that he doesn't care or just doesnt want to face the truth. Either way I have made up my mind I am done with the pills and that I am going to find alternative things to do instead of taking these pills. I am currently taking regular tylenol every 6 hours ... it takes the edge off but I am still quite uncomfortable.   I am determined to stay off the pills for good .. I want my life back!!!   Thanks again Von

[ThisIsIt983]

Hi Von,

I also take oxys for chronic pain & back & neck surgeries. I too feel numb all of the time. The only time i have any emotions is when i start to run low. I have only been thru c/t once. It was 5 days of pure hell. Never been thru anything like it in my life. I have been tapering but it is not going well. I am very close to running out. I know everyone in town that gets them which has made it all the harder to quit. I have re-fills on everything yet that is 2 wks away. The pills used to last all month but not anymore. I knew i had a problem about 2 yrs ago but it took 2 more & finding this forum before i knew i really need to quit. When i first get my scripts my husband says i am like a zombie Just completely zoned out. I mix downs with the oxys so it is a real suicide cocktail. I know if i don't quit soon i will be six feet under. And my kids don't deserve to lose their mom at such a young age.

I am so sick of living this way though. Yesterday my back went out & i have hardly been able to move. Every step i take is extremely painful not my usual pain. So that makes me think i should stay on the pills but i can't control them. As far as emotions i used to be a very happy upbeat person. Not anymore. Nothing makes me happy except script day & that is extremely short lived.

Congrats on your 48 hrs clean! That is not easy to do. Stay strong & keep posting. If you get too sick to post just read & read. Not only helps to pass the time it helps to know you are not  alone. Good Luck & God Bless