ready to stop....so ******* scared..

[innerdisconnect]

..not sure where to begin..or continue. Reading everyones experiences has helped me feel like I can actually be honest and not judged. It's all I've known for way too long.. I've spent so much money on therapists I've lied to. I want to heal. And within that, it scares the **** out of me. Not sure what my question is. Just needing to feel safe to be honest with myself and others who truly know this terrain. My addiction is xanax and pain killers... I just want to connect with others who truly can understand where I'm at. I feel like I'm half in denial. And completely un-honest with the people closest in my life.. which is extremely painful. I feel embarrassed to admit I don't have my **** together. I am going tomorrow to talk about getting off xanax...not even sure what that even looks like. uch! tears well up when I allow myself to actually feel..that is, if I'm not too numbed out to tap into emotion. I can see a clear future. Although I've been using for over 12 years.

[done4good]

I agree with Lucy. I am an alcoholic and decided to first get off my newest addiction of painpills first. I think it's easier to take one addiction at a time. Plus, being that xanax is a benzo, it is more dangerous to get off right? due to seizures?
I am just 8 days clean from percocets and vicodin (was about a month and 1/2 continuous so not as long as many on here but withdrawal is withdrawal...ugh)
I had a few klonopin which really helped me thru the worst of the anxiety.

Are you going to talk to a doctor? I hope you definitely get prof help w/getting off xanax. Opiate wd was hell, but not as dangerous, from what I've learned.

Anyway...I can TOTALLY relate to being scared to tell anyone. I have a counselor who knows about my alcohol issue and it was so friggin embarrassing to have to fess up to yet another addiction problem! However...that is what they are there for and why we pay them. It felt so much better to tell her and work together to find a solution. I'm looking into outpaitent programs.

good luck,
d

[lucyred68]

it may actually be better to get off the pain killers first, then go slowly off the xanax.  the xanax can help you with the wd's from the pain killers, and you need to taper off the xanax.  just a thought,

Lucy