Giving up, don't know what to do anymore

[want2befree123]

So as most of you know my dad was sick and in the hospital. He died 3 days ago and have been using ever since. I'm loosing the battle and scared if I stop now im going to w/d all over again and I'm not sure I can do this again without him... I'm a mess and can't justify not taking them right now.... Fml

[dominosarah]

Honor yourself first, the rest will fall into place~~Thinking of you, sara

[minn66]

Wantobefree, I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you today. One thing that occurred to me, does your school offer any sort of counseling services? I believe that grief counseling would help you. You also might want to explain what happened to your employer. A lot of places offer bereavement time.

Hugs to you,

Minn

[forgottensick]

  I`m so proud of you and I know your dad is too. You aren`t alone in this. We are here for you whenever you need us. You are doing the right thing by following through with what you started.  You will be so proud of yourself when it is over and you will know your dad will be proud of you too. Both of my parents are gone. My older brother died from a drug overdose and my best friend died in my arms from a drug overdose. So I know your pain and so do others on here. It leaves an empty place in your heart, but in time, that emptyness will be replaced with good things. You`ll see if you give yourself a chance. People on here have helped me get through some very bad days lately and I don`t know if I could have done it without them. I was feeling all alone in the world until I found the people on here really and truely care. WE care about you. In time you will feel better. I`m sorry you have such a heavy load to bare, but it will only make you stronger.

[minn66]

Hun, your post just brought tears to my eyes. Tears of joy. I truly believe you can do this. There is NO WAY we will forget you. Keep posting and we'll help you through it. Your dad is smiling right now. I truly believe it and he is with you and will be with you every step of the way and always. I also think it is a great idea to talk to your teachers.

Hugs,

Minn

[Elmijack15]

We will all be here for you and you have alot of people praying for you, so don't feel alone. Anytime you need to talk someone is around. God bless you and try to get some sleep, I'm sure your teachers will understand, losing a parent is very hard. And glad to hear you already have a plan in place, I know you'll make it!! Hugs

[want2befree123]

Decided tomorrow is a new day and for me will be a clean one for me and my dad.... Gotta do this for him.  He had another massive heart attack and died when his heart gave out. It has really taken a tole on me in every aspect of my life. But I know I have to do it now... I need to live a fulfilling life for
Me and so I can make my dad proud. It's killing me inside but I know I have to be strong and not let this ruin my progress so far and my future as a person.  I haven't gotten ahold of any of my teachers about school but probably will tomorrow. I might show up and talk to them and explain what's going on. Thanks for all your support. Really appreciate everything everyone has said. Please dont forget about me because right now you guys are really all I got for support on my addiction. Everyone is worried about my dad and how they willcope without him and I feel alone with my problems right now. Praying to god to help me through this! Anyway thanks again everyone. It honestly means the world to me...

[10356]

I also em so very sorry for the loss of your dear Dad.. Please be kind to yourself and do not blame yourself. I do hope you stop the drugs for they are not helping you too cope You should be with your family grieving with them You deserve to be comforted and we can not be stoned.. I send condolences out to your family and yourself.. sending a very warm hug. lesa

[ricart70]

So  sorry for your loss .

[buggie216]

Im so sorry...i lost my dad at 18 to cancer...its hard. Your dad is most definitely watching over you so make him proud!! You CAN and WILL make it through this!!

[forgottensick]

Please don`t think it was your fault. I am the father of a grown daughter and we have been through some struggles together. I have and always will be there for her, even if my body isn`t here, I will be in spirit. Everything happens for a reason. Your dad knew he was helping you and I just can`t believe he would move on without knowing you are ok. I`m sure he is still around you. Hi spirit is healthy now. No more pain. Trust that he is still with you and trying to help you be strong enough to get through this. Let his spirit be the strength you need right now. If you try, you will probably be able to feel him around you. I felt my mom around me after she passed. It wasn`t until I completed the journey WE started, that she then moved on. Listen to your heart. He will always be with you, making you strong.  You are NOT alone. You CAN do this.  

[smiles4eva]

It was NOT your fault, please don't think otherwise.  Think of him as one more angel watching out for you and giving you strength.  You are stronger than you think you are.  Big hugs

[LostNoMore]

I'm very sorry for your loss. What you are feeling is perfectly normal. It's very hard to lose the ones we love. I lost my father to cancer 10 years ago. He was my best friend. It was very hard. I feel for you. Hang in there and yes, it's true, if you use right now you will just be delaying the grief process. No matter what, just know that you can get through it.

[Elmijack15]

First of all, I am so sorry about your dad, I lost mine 2 years ago and being angry, mad and sad is all normal, I felt that way for a while but it does get better. Being angry about having my father taken away was very hard emotionally, as I'm sure it is for you. Stay strong as he is watching over you and seeing you like that isn't good for him. Hang in there, in my thoughts and prayers.

[minn66]

Hon, please don't blame yourself. I believe your dad was very proud of you. We all stumble. It means we are human. I believe he understands that. We all have our regrets. I know how strong you are. I will never forget reading about how you made it through each day of school while going through wd. That shows strength and determination.

I am praying for you, Sweetie. You can make it through.

[Addicted2long]

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. I too have been following your story and am shocked to hear this. Did he have another heart attack or if you don't mind me asking what happen? You have to understand that what Teri said above is so right about the pain coming back. I used pills to hide from the terrible things that were happening in my life. I did this for years because I could not handle them emtiobally without it. Well eventually I stopped and all the emotions and pain that I tried to hide came back. It was like waking up in a nightmere. Everything became so real and i had to learn to deal with it without drugs.trust me if you tell your school and job what's gong on with your dad and stuff and that you need a few days off they have to let u. Take 3-4 days off and work through this. I know u can do it because u are a very strong person. To deal with all this is a heavy load. I feel for u and i wish there was a way for me to help. I will pray for you.  A2L

[want2befree123]

My whole world is upside down right now... Going to my dads funeral on Easter is not what I was expecting... My brain is mush, my emotions are hate and anger and sadness. I don't know how to continue on with life right now let alone a drug free one. I'm going to try and honor him by beating this... I took some today but tomorrow
Is a new day and I'm going to battle through it. I can't miss school or if I fail I loose my job. So
I'm trying to figure out how I can miss some school to try and cope.... I'm loosing my mind. I know he's looking down on me from heaven rooting for me. But I can't help but think it was me who put him there.... I want to just jump off a bridge and stop the hurt but that's the cowards way out and I need to make my dad proud. It's just everything is a struggle. I havent slept well in 2 weeks and now I haven't slept in 3 days because it haunts me at every second of the day...  I'm in anguish at every turn and can't handle it anymore

[Teri9498]

  I'm so sorry about you Dad!...I lost my Dad to a heart attack and at the time I used pills to help me through it all, but as Sarah said it will only make it worse  I was so numbed up then, that I really didn't deal with it and now that I'm off the pills, it's all coming back and I'm having to deal with it all over again!...The pills will only make it worse in the long run!......

[minn66]

Sarah's post is spot on and from the heart. I know it is hard for you to think clearly right now. She has been where you are now. You can stop the pills. You made it through before. Build on that success. Keep posting and we'll help you through. Is there by chance a minister or someone you can talk to? We are pulling for you.

[minn66]

Oh Sweetie, I am so very sorry for your loss. I can't say I know how you feel because I don't. I wish there were something I could do to offer comfort. Just know that I am thinking of you. You have a lot to deal with right now but know that I, and the rest of us, are here for you.

Sending love and hugs and prayers to you and your family,

Minn

[dominosarah]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.  I understand your pain and i know where you are at in your head.  Please just listen to me for a minute.  I did the same thing you are doing right now when i lost my dad.  I spiraled out of control.  It has been my biggest regret.  Using is not the answer and the pills will only make this painful situation worse.  Please, just get rid of them now, dont make the same mistake i did.

[sadmom999]

My sincere condolences on the loss of your father.  What a rough time in your life, I hope you get control over your situation soon.  Hang in there, we care.

[smiles4eva]

I am so sorry for your loss.  I remember your story and you kept me strong.  Everytime I had a weak moment I would think of you sitting in school freezing going through wd.  I can't imagine how difficult this is for you and again I am so sorry.

[vicki595]

I'm very sorry; I know this is a tremendous loss. How is your family doing?

I doubt you'll go through wd's again so think it over. I think you also need to talk with a close friend or relative. You need that support.

I certainly understand  what's happened with you. We're all here to support you so keep in touch!