7 Days in...

[tyguy83]

Or 170 hours since my last Norco. First time i've gone this long in 3 years. Physically I am fine, very little discomfort, slight back pain, and I am sleeping well with the help of about .5mg of xanax. I'm just so depressed. Nothing sounds like fun, and I have no energy. My appetite is coming back, and I'm already starting to eat normal sized meals, but this still *****. Thats all I can think to say. I think about using all day, and knowing that anything I am doing would be so much better, or more enjoyable if I had pills. Does this get easier? How long do you have these intense cravings? If it wasnt for the safe guards I put to ensure I couldn't get my hands on any, I'd be back on them. I don't feel like I am going to cave in at all, I just hate how down in the dumps I feel. I know I should be proud of myself, but I'm not. Any advice? I hate that its the first thing I think about in the morning, and knowing I am not going to use all day gets me immediately depressed, I hate starting the day that way. What can I do to help that?

Thanks for all the support guys.

[jifmoc]

"Or am I just rambling and avoiding the fact that I am allowing myself a safety net to crawl back to the pills."  

Yes, you are.

[tyguy83]

Thanks guys. Not sure if 9 days is worth celebrating, considering all I think about is using again. I am not even sure if it qualifies as "clean time" because I am still drinking beer as normal. I have no obvious physical issues, I am just really depressed, and miss the feelings of the norco. I keep waiting to wake up in the morning and have it not be the very first thing I think about, or even go through the afternoon without wishing I had some in my pocket.

I have a doctors appointment in a week to get my annual physical, and its the same Dr that has had me on the monthly scrip to Norco. If I don't say anything, he will write me a refill. I don't know what to do about that, I am not strong enough to cancel it. And I don't know if I will fill it or tell him the truth that I don't want to use them anymore, because thats not the truth. I do want to use them, I just don't want to be owned by them. Does that even make sense? Or am I just rambling and avoiding the fact that I am allowing myself a safety net to crawl back to the pills.

I think I know the answer to that question...

Regardless, I am not going to use today, and that is all that I can promise myself.

Hope you are all doing well today.

[Amandag78]

Hey, Congratulations on your clean time, i hope your feeling ok today !!!

[LindyTara]

It gets easier and easier.  What are you doing with your time?  You have to force yourself to do things.  I know it's easier said then done bit it helps.  Working out helps me tremendously.   Work out hard. Then you will have that to blame the aches and pains on.  Trick your mind!  

[tyguy83]

Thanks IBK. I have "sponsor" who has been helping me go through this, and has been my rock. I know I need more support, but I have yet to make the move to go do it. I know its not enough, but it's what I have right now. That, and this place.

[IBKleen]

I know it has been mentioned to you but I'll ask anyway...what are you doing in the way of aftercare? As addicts we think [putting the drugs down is all it takes and we expect to be "normal" right away. We want things now. It doesn't happen like that. We have a disease and it needs to be "medicated" for lack of a better term right at the moment. You are broken honey and you need to get fixed. You need prevention relapse tools and life skill tools and you need to get to the root of your issues. We all come with baggage and we masked it with drugs. If we don't get to the core issues and learn to deal with them or fix them then the cravings will continue. I am 26 years clean from my drug of choice and I still get cravings. The difference is that I have the tools to deal with them and I don't act on them. I hope that you seriously consider doing something to help yourself or I fear you will relapse. We relapse mentally and spiritually before we pick up a drug. You are head that way and I don't want to see you go there.