9/11

Question

9/11.......I remember this day all too well. Not just the terror attacks but i had just left my wife.She had maxed out all 3 credit cards,pawned some of my most cherished belonings,running from the cops, doing all the things a good addict with a 400 Mg a day oxy habit does.Total normal stuff. I didn't know jack about addiction then,I was forced to learn then,and the more i learned the more i receded. I was prepared for the best but embracing the worst. The photo's,the planes,the dust and death and destruction. The buildings stood tall and they fought to stay upright. bending steel,people jumping from the upper floors and hitting the overhangs with a sickening thud.The firemen running in while overcoming their primal urge to run away. The reports of tower 1 swaying, then the second impact, the second 50 ton bullet. Still they stood fighting to stay upright. Then the collapse,then the second all in a blur. I remember likening it to my wife whom i loved so much,she stood like the towers,strong and persisitent. then the opiate bullet hit,I ran to help,others ran to help just like the firemen. Finally it became too much and she collapsed and gave in and i was left with ashes and dust. Like the shafts of light they shine at times where the towers stood, she is not there,only a symbol of the past. Four years of suboxone soon and she is a shell of herself,artificial like the light shafts,foggy and impulsive. She still comes to me,still calls. Now she remarried this summer she still comes to me, sometimes angry,sometimes not, but still a shell. She says this is not easy for her,she still needs to see me,she misses my touch,she is not touched anymore. But when i look close i see the pinpoint pupils,the squinting eyes to think, the opiate delay. To us on the outside of this addiction is much the same as that fateful day. The bullets are pills,they cause one to fight and fight,then they lose and all comes crashing down. death,despair and nothing left but a tangle of smoking wreckage which was once a loving human being. Can we shine a light on it and hope for the best? No it is a illusion.Please for all of you out there fighting this animal,this demon,look around you and at those whom love you,you believe it or not are not alone in this.We watch you get hit and start to crumble,be more than a shaft of light for us to remember,fight and stay upright cause when you collapse,like the firemen and lost souls we die also, peace to all today and God Bless,  Jim

Dee1956 · Answer

This post really touched me, I am so sad today.

Marce4 · Answer

Wrap your arms around your baby and hold on tight!!!!!!!....what an awful thing you must have gone through that day!  I can only imagine and I only viewed this sitting in front of the TV.....just that has profoundly affected me and so many others!

marcatj · Answer

... your pops is a wise man.  I loved reading that...

Marce4 · Answer

Wow!!!! Very powerful and touching post!  On 9/11 I had just given birth to my youngest 6 days prior...I was sitting down breastfeeding her when my husband called and asked me to turn on the news.  I still get chills when I recall watching the plane slam into the tower and watched as the aftermath unfolded!  We were called by the school to pick up our children and I walked to get my other three kids. I remember crying and thinking....my god, how could I have brought another innoncent child into this scary world....While I could never regret the birth of any of my children I still remember this day with so much sadness! Almost as much as I regret the fact that I almost destroyed my own life with pills!  I will never forget either event and pray that it will give me more conviction and make me a stronger human being!
Peace

exhostage · Answer

You wonder if we can 'shine a light on it and hope for the best'. And it reminded me of what my father once said "if I did not believe people could change, what would I have left to believe in'. 

We have to shine a light and hope for that addict, otherwise, we have given up on that person. I once dealt with another persons out of control addicton for a very long time, and everyday I still have to confront my own, even tho I am sober. And having never given up on that person for even one minute, I now have that same kind of love in return.

To be the person inside the addicton is just as sad as the person outside of it.
And God bless you too Jim for all you have been thru, for whatever is next.

marcatj · Answer

My God... I did not know you were there...

I am so so very sorry.

M2R - you too, will be in my prayers .... I wish you peace today.

mom2rachie · Answer

I remember running from the debris from the falling buildings as I worked a block away.  
I remember all the friends I lost that day.
I remember to pray for everyone touched by this tragedy every day.
We all have to remember.

marcatj · Answer

Jim ... you made me cry.  Thank you for this post.

I'm sure we all remember where we were... it's like when we were kids and our parents would talk about "where they were when JFK got shot."  I didn't have that kind of experience til 9/111.

I wass sleeping, and after the first plane hit, my husband at the time came in and woke me up and said "babe, i think you need to get up.  something going on..."  I woke up, and watched in horror as the 2nd plane hit the 2nd building.

I can't remember a feeling like that ever, in my entire life.

No one knew that day what to do - do we go to work?  Stay home?  Are we safe?  We ended up going to work.  I work in TV and we were supposed to load in a set that day.  I was having convo's with the Prod Co and the Studio asking "what do we do?" while everyone else was calling me asking "what do we do?"

No one knew what to do... there was no point of reference.

Ultimately, after a few hours, everyone went home.  I sat in bed and watched for the rest of the entire day, and couldn't stop crying, as I'm sure most of us couldn't.

I remember all of it like yesterday.  What a horrible, horrible, day.

Let's all take some time to send prayers (and/or good thoughts) for all who died on that awful day... and be very thankful for what we DO have...

I wish everyone well today...
xo
mj

FLaddict · Answer

This is a good post there pheggie..

9/11

You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community