I SCREWED UP !!!!!

[sk2000]

14 DAYS Clean and I messed up....I had to do a really high profile radio show and got myself so crazy that I felt like I needed to take a pill (well 4 norcos) to perform......If I dont do anymore Im not bad right? I wont have to do withdrawl now again , will I? I feel like such A D**K / LOSER.......

[PrettyIs]

How did it feel though?? Was the pain of the discipline of NOT taking them for FOURTEEN DAYS  worse than the pain of regret that your feeling now??? I really want to know....I think it will give us first time detoxers a real look at relapse....I, myself, am TERRIFIED of it...Are you just totally pist off now?? I mean, I know you are but your not giving up right?? I mean, your gonna keep on keepin on?? I am just interested. This is such a new, scary thing to me and from what I am understandin, I am an addict for the rest of my life now.. is that how it works??? :(

[wait2long]

dont think about the screw up anymore, turn it around and say i am back to my original plan to get clean, dont let it be a distraction, its hard work but you already proved you can do it, 14 days is a long time!!!   go for it, get back to it!!

[VOsRose]

Beachtowel:  I am honored that you found my post of relevance.   I read your posts and find that you are very knowledgable and straightforward.  That can be intimidating to those of us who are not as far into our recovery as you are.  Congratulations on your recovery.  Your posts are always brutally honest, insightful and on point.  

sk2000:  I will post this again, because it is so true:  My fiance and I were talking about my addiction.  He told me that he will support me through it forever.  However, he cannot stop me from taking the "first" pill again.  He told me this and it makes so much sense:  "You have to know when that neuron in your brain fires and tells you it's a good idea to take a pill that another one is going to fire right behind it telling you that it's not a good idea to take that pill.  You HAVE to wait for that second neuron to fire."  It's really as simple (and as difficult) as that.

Good luck.  

[beachtowel]

Well spoken,,,we all think were superman or wonderwomen when were high..........

Drunks at first are the life of a party too there funny but after a while they get very annoying and people talk behind their backs and say he or she is just a drunk..........

sk2000 I am not putting you down I have been there and also felt like superman and that I was funny while I was using it is just the false facade of an addict........

Hopefully the light will come on in his head and he will realize that his dreams can be realized and accomplished clean and drug free much faster then trying to get there as an addict...........

I hope the best for him and hope success comes to him in the future........

[VOsRose]

I thought the pills made me wittier, smarter, less tongue tied, etc., etc., etc.  Much to my surprise, I found none of that to be true.  I am still witty, smart and able to "hang with the best of them".  Howerver, as addicts we all understand triggers and relapses.  The hardest part of recovery is what comes after the detox - the psychological part.  Beachtowel is right...as addicts we find excuses to use.  We justify.  It is CRITICAL to do enough introspection to learn what your "triigers" are and them avoid them or have a plan for dealing with them.  Using CANNOT be part of the plan.  Don't beat yourself up too badly, we all fall.  That is what makes us human.  If you used 4 pills, one time, you will not go through withdrawal again.  Just DON'T take any more!!  You can do this!

Peace

[beachtowel]

I feel like such A D**K / LOSER.......

That is the person that is locked inside of you trying desperately to get out...............

Think about it.........

[beachtowel]

I think that is your addiction talking, I'll bet if you were clean and yourself you would do great because you have a passion for it.........

Believing that you funtion better on drugs is pure addiction............

How long do you think you will last if you always have to worry about your stash before you put your show first...........
what if you can't get high will you say screw the show I have to go and get my drugs and hope the show will still be there when you get back...........

[sk2000]

I have 2 jobs in the entertainment industry....Im starting a new show in Sept....1 Show a week....I think , I think I have no creativity and cant be funny and perform without

[beachtowel]

May I ask why going on a radio show made you use........

If it is a trigger I would suggest that you avoid doing it again............

[Bug1964]

Read what I wrote to you on the other forum...not a loser at all....everyone makes mistakes....you will get back on track....don't beat yourself up!!!!!!   please.........