A little R & R

[4mybabies]

I finally got some solid sleep and I let my mind relax a bit.

I've been thinking for the past two hours about how much in just two days this forum has helped me.

Thank You

I'm finally forcing nothing but positive thoughts into my head.
And as you probably have already seen, I'm the queen of negativity. I finally think that I can do this.

This last year was a ruff one and it has takin a toll on my mind and body. I'm 25 and I went from being carded for R movies to no longer being carded for alcohol. I lost my baby face in just one year. Well, maybe it was the 3 years I've been using.

So, for my insides and outsides..I'm going to kick this habit to the curb. I know I can do it and we all can. I have faith in us.

You guys really helped me alot...because of you I now feel like I can take over this drug and no longer allow it to take over me.

[oxysbliss]

What amazing things that POSTIVE THINKING can do for us eh?
I understand, I get down int he dumps and Im quite hard on myself...Im my own worst enemy and do the job well...However, when I chnage those thoughts, things happen, clarity sets in..and wow...who the **** is that girl? lol It can happen to all of us...its a struggle, its tough, but whenever you tell yourself you can or cant, you are always right!! I cant say it enough lately...lol

Its great to see your mind changing a bit..and write these thigns down, yhou know at one time being carded to not being carded, the things you once enjoyed to the things you never do anymore..and in days and weeks you will patterns...and healthy ones will come thru..

Hang in there girl! I have faith in you........
and dont forget..even if you have a rough day...still vent..let it out...you DONT HAVE TO CARRY THE NEGATIVITY.......bad days will happen and so will good days...bad moments will be there, so will good moments....hang on to them...cherish them...without pain we wouldnt have growth!!

[anjel75]

Is a junkie by all definition of the word. She will take ANYTHING! I had a bottle of Seroquel one time I used for sleep. I would break the pill in half, break that half in half, that half in half and then again. I was taking 1/16th of a pill to help sleep. It was so strong I would still feel it the next morning. Not cool. I tell you this as an example. My mom stole them and took all of them at once. She has stolen meds from me and my siblings and my dad. It is so bad that my dad will refuse pain meds after surgery. He says why should I get them? She won't let me have them. After having my first child, I had gotten a staph infection in the csection wound. They give me pain meds because this was the worst I EVER hurt! I had them in my diaper bag out in the car at the grocery store and she went to the car "to change the baby" and when we got back out to the car, my whole diaper bag was gone. I had my purse in the car one night and she stole it. How do I know it was her? Because I had othe things in there beside the meds. All of my jewelry was in there and money. It showed up 2 months later on the front door of the police dept. I had cried and cried to her that my pictures were in there af my daughter being born. She must have felt bad. A crook wouldn't have done that. My purse would have been trashed with nothing in it, to say the least. I have watched before, go through my purse throughthe tinted windows of Chuckie Cheese.

I tell you this to let you know that she has ALWAYS had a problem. She used to be a head-turner! All of my boyfriends and my sister's just thought she was AWESOME! Well, she is 55 now and that isn't old, but she looks 75! Almost all of her teeth are gone because instead of fixing them, she would choose to have them pulled when one was infected. Why? The pain meds... She is so sad looking now and she DOES realize it. I think that makes her depressed and how does she cure that? Any kinds of meds she can get her hands on!

[4mybabies]

Your mom sounds exactly like my mom. My mom's a pill popper. Always has been. It's sad and at times embarrassing. Family members were afraid to have us over because she always stole everyones pills, including mine. I've been to the hospital several times and watched them pour charcoal down her throat. I know exactly what your dealing with. I never understood it until I became addicted. My mother monthly gives me 45 perc to take her to the doctor so she can get them. However, I found myself always stealing more. She has to know. I never in a million years thought I could get to this level, growing up with both parents addicts not just to pills, but crack, alcohol, you name it. I always said I wouldn't ever be like them. I'm strong. Well, sometimes it just happens. I'm just glad that I want to quit after 3 years. They never got to that level. They never cried out and as a result my father passed away at 46. Since I want help I'm hoping maybe I can save my mother. My mom just like your mom looks way older then she is. People always think that she is my grandmother. It's embarrassing. Depression, maybe that's what your mom truly has been battling through all this time. At, 20 my mother was diagnosed with having schizo-effect bipolar disorder. I believe her addiction is her way of self medicating herself so she doesn't have to deal with her disorder.

I wish you luck. I learned that you have to be creative. I never leave my mother alone in my home and if I step out I hide my pills some where, where she can't get to them and lock my door. After dealing with it ever since I can remember. Four was my first memory of her problem. She stole percs from my aunt. Had to give them back or the cops were going to be called. I hope your mother finds help.    

[dyblue]

thats awful to have your mothers do that hats off to you girls for being so strong and not continuing the family legacy.  I couldn't imagine dealing with that.

[4mybabies]

Thanks. It sucks, but I believe it made me stronger. Maybe that strength is what will get me through this.

[anjel75]

I think that I may know what my moms problem is. A month or so ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD. Can you believe that? At 31? I was put on meds for it and since I have been taking them, I don't feel the need to pop those Hydros. I have been doing some investigating whether this is valid or not. I have found many sites claiming that a person with ADHD alwys have problems that go with them. I f they are not diagnosed, many turn to substance abuse as a way to relieve some symptoms. I have sent mom to the dr. many times to see if she was depressed and they always said yes and put her on meds. I don't think that is the root. I think ADHD is the root and preceeds the depression. I have been diagnosed with bipolar before. I have been on many meds for it. It NEVER helped. The dx wasn't right. I would have the manic part but never the depression. I would however, have the anxiety but that almost always occompanies the ADHD dx. So, the antidepressants they would put me on would just make things worse or wouldn't be affective at all. i went to my new doc because mine had retired and told him the whole story. What would take me to the dr. would be my endless headaches. Tension type. I was put on Xanax and pain pills for it but never got to the root. After telling him about my mom and that my daughter had been told by one teacher that she may suffer from this as well, he gave me some quizzes to take. Tested for Bipolar = Negative, not even close. Depression = wrong again! ADHD, my score flew through the roof! I was on Ritalin at first. When I started taking it, it made me so sleepy. I called him and he just laughed and said, that just proves you have it, dear! He said that it would wire a person that didn't have ADHD but it would calm a ADHD sufferer. Boy, did it! I couldn't take it so he switched me to Adderall and it has been a life changer!

My dad thinks my mom is all hopped up on meds when she is doing 10 different things at once but never finishes them. I don't think that is the case. I think it is ADHD.

Problem is, everyone has pretty much washed their hands of her becuase she has done them so wrong, including me, so I don't even talk to her anymore. I know that is so sad and while I type this, the sadder it gets. I want to go to her to tell her but I guess my pride is too much! I can't tell dad because he is the type who thinks illnesses of this type are just not real. I think she could benefit from this but also, she started going to my doc after she realixed he would give me Xanax and Hydro and I don't want him to put 2 X 2 together and relate her to me. I am ashamed. That is so sad but I don't want her to ruin my name. She almost did at the doc I went to before and I had to go and explain things to him and I don't think me and his relationship was ever the same after this. I don't want to lose the one I have now due to him being a genious to me. After all of this, I don't know how he got to the root, but he did and I don't want him to think I am like her, because I am not.

[anjel75]

I definitely think that my mom has made me stronger! I know warning signs and how to single people out. I know who to look out for and how to know when they are crossing a line. I love my mom, don't get me wrong. She struggles and we as her family, don't give her the support she needs because we have been done wrong for so long. I know what the right thing to do is, I just can't bring myself to get into it again. She exhausts me and I have a family and a job and other responsibilities. It makes things worse for me to get involved, AGAIN!

[dyblue]

good for you no point you being all messed up with her.    we have to take care of #1 specailly when we have our own kids can't be taking care of everybody.  some folks don't want to get well.  I think you have to have a burning desire. Mom has to want it. you are very strong.  

[anjel75]

For thinking that I am strong. I DO do what I have to do for my family. My daughters interests are most important to me and I don't need all of the anxiety that comes with dealing with her. I thought that made me weak or a wuss.

[dyblue]

not at all. it makes you smart,only have to bang your head against a brick wall once to know it hurts. same idea can't control what others do only you and your needed else where.  I know martyrdom aint where it's at and sounds like you do too.  all the best have a great day.