Hi,
I am reposting this for any newcommers to know they are not alone. And to not only read my story of pitfalls but to read the sucess stories so many of you have posted, they go hand in hand......
To: Everyone
Well, Guess what? Here I was whining about going through w/d's not even a week ago. I have had refills on my script and I find myself right back at it. WTF is wrong with me. Im splitting my pills and chewing halves again of oxy. I didn't learn my lesson? I didn't suffer enough? Why, Why! WHY!
I have been given enough as prescribed for a month, but I find myself abusing again and I WILL run out gain, I am already on par for that.
Last week, I went to the ER crying like a baby to come clean and tell the ER staff I was going through withdrawals and come clean I was abusing. but the wait was four hours. I returned home without seeing anyone and found myself in some kinda weird comfort zone and wasn't suffering after the tears. keep in mind, I am a grown man, 49 years old. I suffered that night and even walked around the block at 3:00am cause I couldn't shake the ebiie geebies. The next day, my refill arrived and i was right back at it.
Granted, I am in pain, its legit, but why am I abusing and chasing a feeling I cant find anymore and setting myself up for more w/d pain. I friggen hate the w/d's I HATE THEM! There is nothing worse. I did however take five 20mg oxy and put them in a old pill bottle and write "w/d" across the bottle. So you see, i am setting myself for an attempted taper later on. Like I know I am going to make myself suffer. Why am I doing this to myself. I am an intelligent person, I know better.
Anyone who's been where I have, maybe chime in and give me some advice. I cant say I am ready to quit, because... I am truly in pain without the meds. Is there maybe a better med? What am I missing here?
Thanks for listening to my whine,
-Dez