I have not posted in a few days because of a little setback. I will refresh everyone, I have been taking hydros for about 5 years, and my habit had peaked at 9-1/2 10mg pills per day for about the past two years. I decided to start a taper, and I began it on December 11th, and had a schedule written out that would have me tapering until January 12th when I would be pill free. I had informed all of my friends, family, and employees of my taper, and I completely cut of my pill supplier. Everything was going as good as possible and this past Monday, I was at the 5 pills per day portion of my taper (almost half of my peak intake).
So, life kicks in, and this past Monday evening, I was getting ready for bed, and I needed to unplug the Christmas light on our house, well, while I was unplugging the lights, I realized I had not checked the mail, so in my jeans and a t-shirt, I decided to RUN down the stairs that lead out of our front door and to our driveway and the mailbox. You know the rest, I missed a stair and tumbled. Went to the emergency room, and I have two sprained wrists and one broken Fibula. The fibula is broken in a way that my tendon is wedged between the two pieces of broken bone. I have no choice but to have surgery which is scheduled for January 4th. I cannot walk at all, and I have a knee scooter to get around ( I cannot use crutches because of my sprained wrists).
So, now for the kind of good news, I could have easily used this incident to justify becoming a pill junkie to the extreme again, but I decided, that I would pause my taper where it is, and not go above five pills per day until I have my surgery. I am in some pretty hefty pain now, but if I elevate my leg and chill out on the couch, I can deal with it. I know I have some major pain coming up after the surgery, but I will deal with it with as little pain medication as absolutely possible. I am absolutely committed to not letting this accident take away my desire and resolve to be pill free.
Now more than ever I need the support of this forum. I have never had surgery before, and I am a little freaked out about that. And of course, I have read the horror stories on this forum about people having surgery and becoming totally dependent on pain pills to function. I do not want that in any way shape or form. Anyone had a similar incident to mine, where you were on the way to recovery and hit a stumbling block (no pun intended!)?
Life is awfully ironic sometimes. The one time in my life where I have a legitimate need for pain medication and I cannot allow myself to take full advantage of the pain meds because of my past abuse and desire to become pill free.
Thats it for now, I need to go elevate my leg and enjoy the camping out on the couch I get to do this weekend. It is snowing like crazy here in Oklahoma City, a beautiful snowy Christmas Eve, so, I will enjoy that as much as I can and dream about my life in what I hope is a few weeks, when I can be opiate free, and in a couple of months when I will be able to walk again.
Hello and merry Christmas I wish I had snow here but Oregon is just fog right now. On the 12 th of December I had surgery on my right kidney for a malignant tumor. I had about three months at that time (clean) my DOC is crystal meth that being said my addict brain likes any mood altering substances. I had a lot of fear around the surgery the results and the recovery of the surgery. Several times I also caught myself thinking about the sanctioned high I may get from the pills I would need for pain. I came up with a safety plan. First I told people in my support system about the situation. Second I keep a log of all the medication I took on a note pad dedicated solely for that purpose. Third I encouraged my bf,counselor, doctor,sponsor etc.. To count my pills and verify my medicine log. Fourth I used this forum for support. Fifth I spoke to at least one person in my support netwok daily either in person or on the phone and I logged this on the medication log. Some of it sounds kind of hokey, however these few things helped me to stay on track and I could follow the reduced need for pain pills as time went by. I don't know about you but my addict brain will take a mile if I don't plan ahead and keep my recovery fresh. I am glad to see you posting and asking for help you are not alone I am sure others have a story to tell also . I hope this helps some. Sorry you are in pain. Enjoy the snow for me.
This is one of my genuine fears, what to do when you really need them. You have both answered my question so thank you. It does seem like things happen that test our determination. Not sure why but maybe its a reminder of how strong we truly are.
Well you also have to think your tolerence is so high just to get high so now you also have to worry if you ever need a major surgery no matter how many pills they give you it won't help.That worries me more than the people who need them at first and end up hooked.I need to quit cause i was taking about 200mgs of perks a day and what will happen if i ever need a major surgery.I'd probably be in tremendous pain cause my tolerance is so high.I also worry about what all these pills are doing to our liver.They say once your liver gone your pretty much dead.I had to worry anyone i'm just being realistic.Our livers have to process any thing we put on or in our bodies.It very good that you still want to taper and your not using this as a reason to use.It's a broken bone now but what happens later on in life if it's a heart transplant or something?You were up to what 100mgs a day?You've now made it all the way down to five pills a day in a very short time so you're doing really well.It only gets harder the longer your on them and the more you take so i say the sooner the better.Keep posting and let us know how everything goes for you.Right now you sound like your doing really well.My husband would be sitting on that couch milking it for all it's worth(crying like a little baby).The best of luck to you and have a good Christmas or try to i know it's gotta be rough not walking around.Looking forward to hearing how it all works out for you.Oh also very proud of you!
Thanks for the advice, that is a great plan. When I began my taper, I informed everyone around me, my partner, my friends, my family, and my employees - in the thinking that I would be accountable to many people. I will do the same with my post surgery pain management. As I said, I have never had surgery, and the surgery I am having is pretty involved...the doc is going to fuse my tendon out of the way to another bone, and he is going to repair my broken bone with a plate and screw. They have told me I will be in the hospital for two nights after the surgery and then I will be off my leg for about 6-8 weeks after surgery. I have no idea what the level of pain will be after surgery, and my hope is that I will be able to 'suffer' through with as little pain meds as possible.
I love this forum and I plan to use it every day, by reading and posting, to help keep my addict brain in recovery mode and not using mode. My best friend used meth as his DOC for about 5 years - we finally got him to go to rehab two years ago, and now he is Mister AA with two years clean. I know that between this forum and the support of my family and friends, I can muddle my way through this challenge and come out on the other side free of pills and able to walk!
And to Charetti,
I agree, we sure do get tested sometimes, and for me this is a huge test. The timing could not have been any worse. I was doing so well on my taper, and I was so excited about being pill free on January 12th. I obviously need some level of pain med now, but I am committed to keeping it at an absolute minimum. Even with a broken leg, and one severely sprained wrist and one mildly sprained wrist, I am not going to increase my usage beyond the point I was at in my taper when this happened. I hope I can stick to this post surgery as well, but like I said, I have no idea what to expect for pain after having a screw and plate installed in my leg. Maybe someone who has had a similar surgery can offer some insight there. Regardless, I am going to continue my taper post surgery and become free of pain pills as soon as possible. I posted a couple of weeks ago that 2010 was my year, and I am sticking to that!
I hope everyone has a great Christmas, for those that are tapering, do not give up, keep your eye on the prize! For those that are clean, keep up the good work, and enjoy your hard work! And finally, for those who are thinking about quitting, get after it! Develop a plan, WRITE it down, tell everyone you know and get to work.
So sorry to hear about your accident! It seems to never fail, once we have things in place and are looking up, we always tend to get nailed with something. This may be God's way of making you realize the strength you have. Just look at it as a bump in the road and ride it out. You had and still have a great plan in place. Granted, you had to make some changes to your plan but you and I both know you will make it through.
I had back surgery a few years back. Although it was quite painful, our bodies heal very fast. Just remember that a prescription for pain meds always state, "as needed". If you take them as needed you will be fine. The only difference is your taper is going to take a little bit longer which in a way might make it all more bearable. Even though you will be taking them a bit longer than planned you are still taking less than before.
Just hang in there and you will make it through!
I wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas. Best of luck with your surgery and everything after that. Please keep us informed on how you are doing.
Wow that really sounds painful but you really do sound like a strong guy.I hope i didn't scare you with all that stuff about major surgeries and your liver.I've been on this site everyday since i found it.I love it here and i love all the people.They've all helped me threw alot of stuff.We will all be here for you too.Sometimes it just good to talk about things.Post as much as you need to but it sounds like your already doing a really good job at tapering and you sound really confident.I believe we can all get threw this it just takes alot of self will and you definitly have that.It's also a really good thing that your letting the people around you know and their willing to help you.That shows that you really are serious about achieving your goals.I'll be more than happy to talk to you while your going threw all of this.I've never had surgery either so i can't really help you out on how much pain your in for or what all happens in surgery but i'll be there for you when you need someone to talk to.I try to think of some good jokes.They always say laughter is the best thing when your going threw pain.
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