Help me please... Oxycontin

[dads_kid]

   Hi everyone. I’m really embarrassed to admit that I have gotten physically addicted to Oxycontin. I’ve long suffered from migraines, and have injured my back several times. The last one was very severe. I fell down a tall flight of stairs at a computer repair shop and the repaired computer ended up falling on top of my back.
   Problem is, when I went to the doctor for that, I got no compassion, and the receptionist made fun of me even. He gave me a small prescription for Tylenol 3, but when it ran out, my back was still really bad, so I asked for some more. He gave a few pills, but treated me so bad, looked down his nose at me and acted like I was drug seeking. (I was in PAIN!) I decided I would just have to live with it, and that’s what I did for a long time. I did yoga and back strengthening exercises, but my back still hurt everyday, sometimes to the point of crying and just lying there writhing, but what could I do?
   On top of that, my dad has had a life-long love affair with painkillers. When I was a child, he took everything he could get his hands on until he almost died with a perforated ulcer from the aspirin content of his pills. I hate drugs. Hate them. I have always sworn that I would never touch them. After the 2 years in hospital that nearly took my dad’s life, (down to 82 pounds in intensive care) he could not continue on with the same, aspirin based painkillers. It was get off them or die, simple as that.
   But, through no fault of his own, and after dozens of surgeries to repair his stomach (it was so rotted through it was like hamburger, they said) he was left with real, chronic pain. There are remnants of the wire mesh they used to hold him together, still stuck inside his abdomen, and every now and again, he has to go back for more surgery. You would think with all this that the Gov’t would allow him to be free of working and be on disability, but no. He has no choice but to work a full time job. So what happens next? He has to get more painkillers. I don’t begrudge him this, the man has been hacked up through his younger mistakes and doctor’s mistakes as well.
   He ended up with Oxycontin, and they were a life-saver. He was relieved of his pain, (mostly) and did not have the terrible mood swings and cruelty that he did with Barbituate painkillers. I don’t know how much it was at first, but recently he was getting a prescription of hundreds and hundreds of 10mg pills, and maybe 200 40mg pills every week. He did not sell them, he took them all.
   Then one day, I woke up with a migraine, and terrible back pain. And I had to go to work. Dad gave me one 10mg pill, to help me. Felt sorry for me. And oohhhhh lalalalaa!! It was like, what migraine? Took away all the pain like Tylenol never can, no sore stomach, no nothing but wonderful, wonderful relief! My back even stopped hurting! The next migraine, I got another one, then another one. The next backache, I got two, then two then two. It gradually built up till I needed them every day.
   At worst, I was taking at least fifteen 10mg pills every day. Three at a time, sometimes four. I noticed that four or five hours after taking, I started feeling creepy, and would rush to get some more. I even snuck into his room a few times to get some in secret when his bottle was really full, and I didn’t want to ask. I don’t want to be addicted. I didn’t MEAN to get addicted. It just happened. I thought they were just strong painkillers, and they worked so well. They made me happy, carefree, painfree.
   Now I’m trying to get off, and withdrawal is like cold hell. I’ve never felt worse. It’s hard to even describe but I just want to run away from myself and not feel it. I want so bad to just take some damn pills and make it stop! My lower back feels spongy and hurts so very badly. It’s got a weird, windy feeling inside, with tingles, like a cloud of evil butterflies. Everything hurts, and my lower stomach or bladder is crazy feeling. It’s like the worst *gotta go pee* feeling you ever felt, but you don’t have to pee, and it doesn’t stop!
   I was trying to step down, went to ten for a couple days, then six, and now I’ve stopped. I’m working full time and cannot let anyone know what is going on. I would lose my job. Does anyone else know what I’m talking about? With the crazy gotta pee feeling, or the disgusting tingling and surging in the back? How long? What can I do? Help, anyone. I feel all alone with this.

Sincerely,
Dad’s kid

[ambercuevas]

Hi my name is amber n im 26 yrs old n I had the same addiction to painkillers. I was taking them all day every day for 4 yrs. I finally got tired of waking up looking for a pill n if i didnt have 1 i would b so angry n withdrawing. So a friend of mine told me about this clinic to get off n they wean you off by giving you methadone every day until they wean you off all. Its a wonderful program n it really works. I will never take another pill in my life. I hope this was helpful for you n i hope that one day you wnt have to deal with the terrible feelings of withdrawels. have a blessed day n god bless

[Rhirhi87]

Wow, have you been in my head? Instead of my Dad it was my wifes percription, I would get up in the middle of the night and tear the house apart looking for them. I am on my day 13 free from pills. Tell them you have the flu as the symptoms can be the same. I worked through mine went home early a few days. The emotional part of WD was the worst for me, but I am now over it. Keep posting here you will get so much support, Remember you are not ALONE there is thousands of us, just like you. Payers are with you.
Darrin

[matrad860]

im matt im 22 and i had back pain when i was playing baseball in college and had to take painkillers to help me get better all i did was get worse within 3 months i was hooked on oxy and percs i tried to quit myself and it did me no good i just would get deathly ill but like amber i went to a clinic and got on a taper on methadone it really helped i didnt feel a hundred percent back to normal until about a month but you will feel better in a week or 2 atleast able to go through life, working out was a big thing in my recovery it really helps and to just have a healthy life when ur on the pills i was living day by day never looking to far into the future and now i have my life back and am moving on just keep positive and i know it feels like it will never happen but you will get better and keep fighting be good and nothing but love to you : )

[AZKathy]

I'm glad this got bumped up to where I saw it - I've much in common with both you and your dad... let us know if you're still around, ok?

[Stevo977]

I know exactly how you feel coming down off the oxy's; it's pure hell. Unlike some of the other suggestions, I would steer clear of any methadone clinic. Yes, you will feel great at first, you will feel like where has this been all my life, and then 2 years later you will be wondering how you can get out of this prison. There are other options, and I know it feels hopeless. I did exactly the same thing others that posted above me did. I went to a methadone clinic, and was having the time of my life at first, but if you truly want to go that route, go at a low dose and taper as quickly as possible.

I can't reiterate how hard methadone is to come off of after you have been on it any length of time. ( the resident expert Mr. Gnarly can and I'm sure would offer some much needed advice and his experience is bar-none how trapped you can get ) .

Now, dont get me wrong, this was just my experience, and everyone is different but we all have that one thing in common: to get clean and stay that way!

Maintenance drugs do work in short-term situations, but be extremely careful and take charge! Aftercare is a must and work the program, do service work, and stay involved and you will be surprised how more quickly and easily ( if there is a such thing ) you can finally kick the habit.

Good luck to you and stay strong,
Stevo

[dads_kid]

   Thank you all so much for the comments and support. It's very comforting to read about other people going through the same suffering, and coming out the other side of it. I can tell you right now, it seems like there IS no other side of it. My back feels like it was crushed with a giant steel beam that flew at high speed from the bed of a truck. And I have to sit here, in my chair at work, all... day... all... week...
   Sneezing, coughing, chills and depression. The depression is bad. Time is so very slow right now. I know it will get better. It's just so much to handle, I give so much credit to ANYONE who has beaten this successfully - you are strong beyond belief. I will keep posting, let you all know when (or if) I start to feel better. Oh life.

[sway1]

that gotta pee thing is brutal. i would pee just a few drops at a time. but i had to pee and it was like every 2-5 minutes for a few days. it does go away. but it will come back every time you stop. some of us are just wired that way. please don't relapse hundreds of times like i did. no exaggeration! i have been relapsing for more than 20 years. tomorrow will be 30 days without my drugs of choice. if i can do it, you can. keep posting and good luck. peace, sway