Addiction does not discriminate

[wdstinks]

Ok here goes...I have been lurking on here for some time now. I have been reading and reading and just taking encouragement from the posts that I have read. I am currently on day #6 of withdrawal from a very heavy daily usage of hydrocodone, alternating with tramadol. Let me preface any further information with some brief info. I am a health care provider (yes, I see patients, diagnose and treat patients and prescribe medications for patients), so I will remain anonymous. Addiction does not discriminate. My hydrocodone usage started for pain but quickly I learned that I felt sooooo much better when I took 2 more, 3 more, 4 more 10 more etc. etc. etc. I was/am a very high-functioning addict.  I started this journey 3 years ago when I was diagnosed with pretty severe arthritis and scoliosis.  I have had many, many, many procedures, injections etc. to help "cure" my ailments, all the while having more and more pain medication thrown my way by my doctor. I gladly accepted!  I don't blame my doctor, in fact, he is a very proficient physician, I blame myself, but blaming does no good, time to fix this issue. So after 3 years of the roller coaster ride, I woke up one morning and said "NO MORE!" One thing I want to say, I thank God for this experience, because I believe addiction has made me a better healthcare provider. I am sure many will read this and think...is she nuts?! But, let me explain: before I began using hydrocodone, I viewed people who became addicted as weak, unable to cope, and thought "why don't they just stop!" Now I have walked a mile in someone else's shoes and I have a completely different view now,as well as compassion I always thought I had but never really did.  I HAVE that compassion now. I think it has made me a more sympathetic caregiver.  My withdrawals have been hell. I will provide hope for others that the first 3 days were the worst for me, that last 3 days have been manageable. I hope and pray that each and every day improves. I will also add that my spouse has been on this roller coaster ride with me, he also uses. Withdrawing together has been both difficult, but also provided much hope. When I'm weak it seems he is strong and vice versa. I just wanted to let all of you know that posters help so many people (some who may never post) and I just wanted to share my story and let everyone know that "Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. And why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own, Matthew:7.1-7.3"

[Ejm7263]

I was a nurse for 33 years& did wonderful & amazing things, then broke my back multiple surgeries & addiction. Now on disability. Going cold turkey & then my license back.  

[weaver71]

I really appreciate you sharing your revelations, I totally agree. I actually did really well on opiates. My own business for 25 years, real-estate, upstanding citizen in the eyes of clients and society, it was detox that ruined my life. I had become so strung out on methadone, I ended up losing all of that in the process of quitting drugs. Fact is, drugs would have killed me, I could have died with lots of capitol and resources, but that would have been stupid. I struggle every day, over 2 years clean now, but I still have my life and my kids and wife still have a dad and husband. They tell me life is better, having sacrificed all my life's work and capitol to have me back. That is a powerful thing, and it has been very difficult for me to accept that as true. I have come to terms with it, there is no sacrifice to great to get oneself free of drugs. I can love again, I can feel the love I have for others and others who love me. No job, no possession, no credit report, none of it has any value without being clean and free with the full potential of your heart. I don't regret it, even though it has been so hard. Thanks so much for sharing, I'm glad you didn't use as long and hard as I did, you can salvage you heart AND some of your possessions and lifestyle. Way to go.

[motye51]

I thought your post was fantastic and quite impressive that you and your husband did it together. I have been clean now almost 9 mths and my husband still uses. He thinks the way u did, that its a character defect, weakness, that makes people not be able to stop. I no longer agree with that, and slowly, i think hes starting to see that as well. My N/A mtgs have loads of different types of people, drs, lawyers, judges, med professionals, business owners and "street" users. The spectrum is large and very diverse. Pain med abuse is rampant in my neck of the woods, and no different than the heroin epidemic! To me, its just pill form heroin and b/c we mostly get it from drs, somehow that makes it ok???
Good luck to u and your husband on your new journey...

[msdelight]

Great post! Another med prof here. This pain pill abuse is an epidemic, reflecting all that is wrong with our society and our medical system. Pills for this and pills for that, no real human interaction or holistic treatment.  Something has to change. I congratulate you on getting off the merry go round and wish you a speedy recovery.  All the best.

[VICourageous]

Yep, Nice Post and I am Happy for YOU & Your HUB!
Addiction is a Disease and it does not care who or what you do or are.
I too was in the Health Field, but unfortunately I can not go back.
I get so mad when people say that it is all in the mind and you should be over it..Well just walk in those shoes. One size fits All. It does become a Mind/Brain disease because of the things it does to our Hormones/Chems, Transmitters & so on.
It has been a very hard 2 years here for me but Positiveness will get you far. This is a illness and we need help & support to see it through day by day.
I wish you the best!
Bless

[atthebeach]

Great post!!! Good for you reclaiming your life.

No addiction doesn't discriminate, it's crosses all professions,
Socio-economic statuses, creeds, races, nationalities, old and young.

I understand how you are greatful it will definitely make you more compassionate towards your patients and will know exactly what they are going through.

I pray for healing and restoration,
I pray you and your husband will continue in your recovery,
There is a wonderful group called "celebrate recovery".  it is for hurts,
Hang ups and addictions. Many churches offer it.
They have a wonderful cross section of people who attend.
Keep the faith,
Debbie

[cleangimnow]

I am remaining anonymous as well but I can tell you that Addiction doesn't discriminate. I am in a high profile professional job. Executive of a large company. I can tell you that no one would ever guess that I am an addict. Have struggled for years. On suboxone now and trying to wean. It's rough.

[Jinx_777]

thank you for this post.  many people need to read this,

i have often wished my doctor would have to experience fentanyl, both the side effects as well as the withdrawal.  she really, really is pushing it on me, but i don't have another one of those withdrawals in me so i shall remain in pain.  untreated