I am devastated by losing my 12 yr old dog today...

[jewlz2626]

Abruptly today, I lost my 12 yr old 4 legged baby and I am a wreck! My head is pounding from crying for the last 5 hours straight and I just wanna curl up in a ball & continue to cry. I have been on 3 mg of Methadone for the last 6 mos almost, but today & yesterday I took 2.5 mg in preparation to jump after Fathers Day. While I feel I have been handling it well, sleep is sometimes not the greatest After todays devastation, I am tempted to take either 5 or 10 mg, just to help me sleep tonight & ease this physical & mental anguish. My question is, will it make it harder to go back to the 2.5 mg tomorrow, or affect my wd's any worse next week?? I am dying inside. Everything I do reminds me of her. When I move to get off the couch, she would jump up with me....but she's not here. I havent eaten all day & I just want some type of relief... I am so sad....Any advice would b appreciated...Btw, my profile pic is my silly sweet Sadie. Mommy will miss u :(

[jewlz2626]

I am feeling ok, still at 2.5 mg. I did sleep better lastnight, I took a mix of valerian, passion flower, melatonin, advil pm. I am doing ok, I think I am going to jump Tues, we are going out to eat with my dad on Mon, so as you know that would be near impossible during wd's. So I am jumping a couple days after Fathers day.I have everything I believe I need! I have all the amino acid protocol & thomas recipe goodies!

[dominosarah]

How are you feeling other than this?  Are you getting some sleep?  Still planning on jumping on Fathers Day?

It is always funny watching them stalk a frog!!!

[jewlz2626]

Thanks sara! My Sadie loved rolling in the grass, and when night fell, she would chase the frogs that hunted the bugs by my carport light. Oh, my sweet silly girl. I cant say it enough, thanks again for all the support! Julie

[dominosarah]

You will always miss her or so they tell me!!  I am still going thru this grief thing with my girl but it has gotten easier, my heart has softened and i am ready to share again with another baby who needs a ton of love and affection or maybe i am the one who needs it!  I think it is a win win situation for the both of us.....I still look at where the beagle always sat when i walk thru the door, i can see her outside rolling on worms, her favorite pastime!  Now it is time to build new memories with the new beagle.  Let yourself feel the pain now.  It' okay to do that.  Each day will get a tad bit better.  When the time is right you will know and the right baby will present itself to you~~hugs to you jewlz             sara

[jewlz2626]

Thank you guys so much. I know there are many that would love to be loved, and I know in my heart I will want to change the lives of at least one of them, the way I did for my Sadie. This is such a tough time, with people wanting to be there for me, but almost all of them not knowing what I am already physically going through. I know my tears will become smiles for her, but I will never not miss her. Thanks again guys, it means the world! Julie

[redrocks]

Somewhere there is a puppy who is crying for a friend like you.

"And in the end, the love we take will be equal to the love we make."

Your not at the end, you still have love to make and share.

[0421]

I am so sorry for your lost, just read your post so a little late but with true condolences, when I had to put my dachasund down I cried for days and then three weeks later eating green beans and started crying because buddy loved green beans. Said never ever going to have another dog it hurts to much. well took  care of my sisters dog while she was in NY for her daughters surgery and when he went home the next week I went and got Mylo. He is my baby, and just turned 6 last weekend. So someday you will get another just like Sara and myslef, remember Mothers can love more than one child so we can love more than one dog. Hope this does not set you back, keep on going. it's  90 days for me and I pray for you right now and will keep you in my prayers and thoughts. So sorry again, Bethany

[jewlz2626]

So sorrry about your Bambi and Sara's beagle! (not sure I expressed my condolences before) They are our children, I had my baby since I was 18, I am now 30...she grew into womanhood with me, and throughout my rough years, she has always been there to love me & pick me up. My crying is becoming slightly more spuratic, but it's hard because I am reminded of her all over the house. I know my tears will turn into smiles eventually. I even made a trip over to sulafoundation.org ....and was able to smile knowing one day, when I am ready, I can give another baby the love like Sadie had for so long. So again, thank you so much for your thoughts. They mean so much!!

[Sad_Woman]

I can feel the pain in your posts. I lost my precious Bambi (I was 7 when I named her :) to cancer and I'll never forget her or the pain of losing my best friend. This is a dog I grew up with, had from age 7 until my early 20's. I walked around like a zombie in the early days. Then I realized she would not be happy to see me like that. Whenever I was upset she'd pester the heck out of me until I snapped out of it and after she passed I could *feel* her nudging me saying "Oh come on stop crying mommy! I lived a long happy life with you, I am at peace now. Please be at peace too so I can be" I knew in my heart she'd want me to somehow find the strength to carry on. And somehow I did even though I rarely go a day without thinking of her.

Your beautiful baby Sadie is at peace and one day you'll meet again. Allow yourself to grieve and allow yourself time to reflect and cherish the memories you have of her. She will always be at your side. The loyalty of our pets is strong and their love unconditional. It's a strong bond that transcends death. She's with you and always will be. God bless you and I pray that the lord eases your pain. It's amazing how much love these animals bring to our hearts. And no wonder why we hurt so bad when they go. But stay strong and find peace in knowing she is happy, peaceful and she is still beside you in spirit and always will be.

[jewlz2626]

Thanks Sara, that makes me feel a lil better. Im trying not to focus too much on it, but everything I do makes me think about her, then I have to remember shes not here. Even opening a crinkly bad to try & eat...she would normally dart into the kitchen, when she heard anything of the sort. Gosh, I am reminded of her with everymove I make while I'm home. But getting out means coming home, and her not being able to greet me :( I know this will take time, and she is at peace. I hope she helps put me at ease some. I miss my baby girl. Thanks again so much for all your thoughts & prayers, Julie

[dominosarah]

You will be flooded with emotions now...the what ifs, should of could of etc.  She is no longer in pain now and running freely at the Rainbow Bridge.  The beagle was there to welcome her and show her the ropes~~Sit quietly and listen, she is near~~sara

[jewlz2626]

Thanks Sara. Not for long, she was 12 so I knew her time was limited. My vet put her on blood pressure meds, due to some panting, and it helped. Over time when she got excited she would breathe heavier, sometimes making a funny noise till she calmed down. We began noticing a enlarging aroung her neck, when I brought it to my vets attention, he didnt feel/see anything. Over time, it had gotten bigger and she was just about due for another appt/checkup and of course I was going to mention another look at it, but yesterday she took a turn for the worse. I brought her to a different vet, who noticed immediatley, and went in with a scope. She had a tumor which was growing near the flaps of the Larynx, which was obstructing her breathing, could have been Thyroid cancer. But it had grown so much on 1 side that the flap was barely opening/moving at all when she breathed. At her age, trying to remove it probably wouldnt have turned out well, also because the tumor had engulfed the nerves on that flap, that it still may not have opened. So I had to let her go, I would have hated for her to suffer by taking her home. It kills me bc she was such a happy, sassy, playful girl, even at 12. I should have gotten a 2nd opinion after my original vet didnt see what I see. I now question his practice, but I am in no condition to worry about the blame game, I just want my baby. So, my mom & I I got to visit with her for the last time, and we had to say goodbye :(  My boyfriend is in another state for work, & couldnt tell her bye.So this was unexpected & I miss her so much. She wasnt here to greet me this morning when I awoke. Shes not here to push open doors behind me, or beg for food. Gosh my heart is so broken. Julie

[dominosarah]

Just wanted to let you know i am thinking about you today~~

Had Sadie been sick?

[jewlz2626]

Thank you all so very much, it means alot. Its hard waking up without her to greet me. I didnt hear her snoring & breathing last night, I heard every other little noise, and it just tears me up inside. I know in time I will stop crying, she has just been here with me through so much. This is one of the toughest losses I have ever dealt with, and I am thankful you guys are here, to give your thoughts & prayers. Julie

[Couponer]

Im so sorry for your loss! I lost my 8 yr old westie after 11 days in and I must say I felt the same "kick me while I'm down" feeling. I didn't cave though and I haveto say that I actually felt the loss. Something I normally wouldnt have if I'd been taking the pills. It has been really tough for me and the kids. He was our baby and such a great dog. But I'm glad I pushed thru and didn't take anything. I'm still only 30 days in and so much clearer everyday. Hang in there. Go to rainbowbridge.com and read the poem. It brought us comfort. God bless

[sudie58]

i just wanted to say how sorry i am for your loss, when i lost my beautiful border collie, Brendan, i was heart broken, i do feel for you, sara is so right, your sadie will always be with you in your heart. stick to your recovery plans, for you and for sadie, who loved you , god bless.

[gnarly_1]

HI Jewlz so sorry to here about your dog mine is getting old and I often wounder how much more time we have together .....I know it hurts bujt dont bupe up your dose of methadone.....it will only set you back and make your fathers day detox harder ....like Sara says no pill will make you feel better ...I wish I could but take thetime to grieve and feel
its all part of it ........Gnarly

[dominosarah]

Turn on a fan or something to make some noise.  My girl would snore like a grown man!!  I just adopted another beagle today.  She wont take the place of the one i lost but she will make a new place in my heart.  Her spirit is with you to guide you and protect you.  In time that will bring you comfort~~~sara

[jewlz2626]

Gaaawwww :) Thank you. I just finished saying to someone, that as much as I loved my Sadie, I dont know that I would want to get another dog. I don't ever want to hurt like this again. But that link made me smile & reminded me that there are more sweet babies out there that Sadie would want me to love just as much as I loved her. Thank you for that :)Getting into bed tonight will be hard without hearing her snoring though, hope I get some sleep :(

[redrocks]

http://ihasahotdog.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/cute-puppy-pictures-kitten-o-hai-love.jpg

[jewlz2626]

Thank you for that Wolf, as hard as it may be now, I know I will eventually smile for her...she was a silly girl. I am glad I was able to bring you some relief as I know these are already tough times for alot of us on this forum. Losing a pet feels like I'm being kicked while I'm already down. I can only hope to have some relief myself, sooner than later, but I know it takes time. She was a spoiled girl, so her stuff is all over the house & I just can't remove it yet. Passing her random toys tears me up inside. Thanks for reminding me about her hugs & kisses, even with her bad breath, I would kill for one now. Thank you bunches! Julie

[redrocks]

Your Sadie would not wish you to suffer nor harm yourself. I suggest if it were within her ability she would fiv you a hug and a kiss and plead with you not to do yourself harm.

-Wolf

[redrocks]

jewlz2626

First let me tell you I honestly feel sorry for your loss. I have a Cat whom I treasure beyond words. Some time ago on Another forum I saw a quote that I saw that stayed with me. Please do not think that I am belittling your loss as the author is Dr. Seuss

"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened"

I am in a tremendous amount of physical pain myself this evening. But reading your post, knowing there is an loving individual like yourself on this Earth has given me more relief than the pain med I took a few hours ago ever could. And I sincerely thank you, and join you in missing the wonderful companion you were lucky to have in your life no matter how brief a time you had with her.

"Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained." — C.S. Lewis

[jewlz2626]

Thanks so much. I have never experienced this loss with a pet, and lord knows she way WAY more thank just a pet, she was my heart. Will I ever stop crying? She was my security guard when my boyfriend was offshore at work, she made me feel so safe. I am wondering if this will disturb my sleep even worse. My boyfriend is broken that this happened while he is away on a job, he didnt get to say goodbye or be there for me & he knows what I am going thru with the methadone as well, so he feels double bad for me. Tomorrow, waking up without her is going to be hard. I am in so much pain. I just want to see my baby again. I know using more wont take the pain away, just figured it may get me sleep thru the night. Thanks for listening & posting.