Relapse after 14 yrs sobriety

[edmfender]

Alcoholic Relapse
by edmfender


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edmfender
Female
Member since Sep 2008
Journal Entry:   "Thought this might give me an insight int..." [Read]
  



, 1 hour ago
Tags: alcoholic, family relationships, recidivism
Hi.  Our family has battled addictions in one form or another for generations.  My eldest sister is/was an alcoholic/addict between the ages of 14 to 32. Over the years of her drinking, me and the rest of the family enabled because that's what we learned to do. To her credit, she got sober, went back to school & got a good job. During her sobriety of 14 years, I attended her AA birthdays and supported her thru relationship and financial troubles. She hung at our place every weekend and at least stopped in one or two times a week.  Last May she got married and told me that I was not going to be in her wedding party because I am bipolar and she didn't want to have to "walk on eggshells" in planning her wedding. She did include my 3 children and my husband in her wedding party. She was not in my wedding party, partly because she was using/abusing at that time (20 yrs ago) and she was working out of town.
I attended (quietly) her wedding but since then I have distanced myself including phone calls, visits etc.  My sister will call my children and my daughter slept over at her at her place a few weeks ago.
I learned today that my older sister started drinking again before the wedding. She says it's different now because she is drinking for a different reason (social with new hubby). There are only 2 of us in the family that know she has started drinking again.
My question is two fold:  Do I let anybody know? her sponser? other family members?
How do I deal with the next sleep over request? I am not comfortable with my 9 yr old daughter exposed to alcohol use and drinking and driving has been a problem for my sister in the past.
Appreciate any feedback

[edmfender]

Thank you so much for comments, they are very helpful. Thank you also for the warm welcome, prayers & wishes.
I agree that my daughter will not have any outings with aunt until I'm comfortable that she's back in "abstinence".  Very good point johnk respecting the difference of sobriety and abstinence.  Does that explain the phrase "dry drunk"?
With respect to the bipolar/manic depression, there are medications and trust me when I say I have been on every pharma cocktail over the last 8 years.  The problem is hitting the right balance with manageable side effects and corresponding psychological assistance.  Personally, I know I can't mix booze & meds 'cause that would further mess up my brain chemistry.
In any event, my sister and I have rarely, only superficially spoken since exclusion from her wedding (She stated I was "ex-communicated from the family). My relationship with other relatives are fine. She has made plans thru my husband to see the kids.
Because we have not had a relationship in 1 1/2 years, I don't know whether I should approach her about her sobriety either directly or indirectly. I have a sneaking suspicion that she has never shared her alcoholism with her husband. I know two of her AA buds but one is out of town frequently and the other has also decided that she can drink socially after 15 years abstinence.
Your thoughts welcomed....
  

[HelpinUtah]

Hi Hun:
Addiction runs in my family as well.  I always thought I was stronger than my family because I had never become addicted to anything.  I'm very embarrassed for that attitude, especially given the fact that I got addicted to pain pills (Lortab).  But, I do understand how families can help each other to continue the abuse.  My father was an alcholoic.  My grandfather and uncle (on my mother's side) were alcoholics, although they might like to say they were social drinkers.  My father's sister was an alcholice from the time she was 18, and when my grandmother died, they did NOT invite her to the funeral for fear she'd make a mess of everything.  When she found out that her mother had been dead for almost a month by the time she found out, it was enough to shake her up and guess what?  She became sober.  Sometimes, it takes something that drastic to change people.  

I'm so sorry about your sister and I hope you can help her.  But, in the meantime, I agree "no sleepovers."  Her child could be in danger, especially if your sister decides to take them somewhere in a car while she's drunk!  

Hang in there sweetie.  I'll say some extra prayers for her and for your family!!!!

[scaredmommie]

i would say no to the sleepovers. and as for only drinking socialy, if there is anything i learned about addiction, it is it never goes away, it just kind of goes to sleep. addictions also run in family. my uncle was very very hardcore addicted to everything from weed to coke, pretty much whatever he could get his hands on, well he was on and off being clean for years then he finaly found a recovery plan that worked for him, he was clean for 11 years, and doing great, well a little over a year ago he broke his foot and needed surgery, well can you guess what happen, they put him on pain meds, first everything was okwith it, he was taking them like he should then slowly he would take and extra one here and there, well now he is a full blowing addict again taking what ever he can get his hands on. so like i said an addiction never goes away it is just sleeping, and it dont take much to wake it back up. i hope all works out for you and your family. i will be praying for you.

xoxoxo
<3 chrissy

[johnnykelly]

Vicky,that the disease of addiction it can be arrested,but not cured. Your sister had cronolgically a very long period of abstinance,the reason i say abstinance rather than sobriety is simple.A person learn through the 12-steps of recovery to Live and let live.To make amends to those we ha harmed,only when that would injure them or others. The issue of you her loving a caring sister not being invited to her wedding because you suffer from Bipolar,or as many no it manic-depression. Psychiatry has found in as you know almost a cure for your disorder.Its treated the rectifing the chemical imballance,once that is done,you live the same emoyioally up and downs as other people who are without Bipolar?a person in that long of recovery,would not think the way your sistwer did.She need more help than the alcohol addiction,she in my opinion needs to show empathy and compassion rather than scorn and ridicule. Look at the old saying (Those than live in Glass houses shouldnt throw Stones) All the best fior Her,and especially YOU!!!! love johnk in Toronto

[avisg]

vickie,
I am sorry to hear this hopefully she can get some help get back on track .As fen said with the sleep overs I would just say no you can explain to her that while she is using alcohol there wont be sleep overs when she is back on track then there will be no problem.Have you sat down with your sister and really discussed whats going on? Does her spouse know about her problem.I dont know a lot about aa/na but there are many here that do .Talking to her sponsor may be a good idea but since I don't know a whole lot about aa hopefully someone that knows more will be more helpful.good luck I really hope she gets help and gets back on track.

[fengirl09]

First of all welcome to the forum. I have to say that your story is not that different that many of us here. Addiction usually does run in families for generations and families members usually do enable each other. About your questions....wether you tell other people or not is a personal choice. As for the next sleep over request...SAY NO!!! PLAIN AND SIMPLE NO!!!! Your daughters safety is the most important thing and you sister is not in a position to make good decisions about her own safety, much less anyone besides herself. Keeping your daughter out of that enviornment will only help her in trying to break the addiction cycle she is already a part of anyway just due to genetics. Hope this helps without being too preachy.

good luck
vickie