Forgot to mention STOP NOW!! Don't be an addict for 12 years like I was. It was very, very difficult to quit and stay quit. It's a daily stuggle but the bottom of the barrel is a lonely place. I was also $25,000 in debt from pills. I almost lost everything including my child. Don't be afraid to get help but think of the horrible consequences you'll face if you remain an addict.
I've been there 100 fold, trust me!!
Boy you sound EXACTLY like me. I was in the same situation for much, much longer than you!!
I was masking a doomed relationship that I needed out of and it wasn't until I got clean I knew I needed to get divorced. The pills just helped me be super Mom and super wife but not super Erin, the person I really am.
I'm here if you ever need to talk.
My dear girl...those pills that give you that nice feeling.....will soon become your worst nightmare......believe all of us here.....I started out with a knee injury too....and took the pills as prescribed for 5 months...though had someone hold them for me as I knew i loved that feeling..but one day came when i needed that pill, needed that pill to perform all the tasks, becasue like is tough....it's always just this one last time....then you get to the place where you have to take them just to feel normal....to stop the withdrwals....that is hell.... you can withdraw now, and it won't be too bad.....and remember each withdrawl will get worse until you become someone like me who just can't go thorugh another withdrawal, and I've been waiting 2 years for suboxone to be approved in Canad a so I can use that to withdraw....that is how bad the bad withdrawals get....I was willing to stay on the morphine for two more years.....that is the power those drugs will hve over you....you will start to lie, cheat....steal if y oui have to, snoop around other peoples medicine cabinets, just because you are sick....go to a doctor sick from withdrawals and they will thow you out like you are a piece of trash.....this is where drug addictoin takes you......you have an exit now.....do the right thing for you and your children....and your husband.....QUIT , NOW, ..what the people have written above is so true....that nice feeling will eventually cost you everything....years can go by and you WILL wonder what happened to my life....we all think it won't happen to us, BUT NARCOTICS, OPIATES CROSS ALL BARRIERS AND GRABS YOUR SOUL...WE ALL HERE WERE WHERE YOU ARE NOW AT ONE TIME, AND HOW EACH ONE OF US WISHES WE COULD GO BACK TO BEFORE THE NIGHTMARE STARTED......AHVE i SCARED YOU this is not a fun thing you are playing with......um this nice feeling it's the hoook....please while you still have some sense and some control flush those down the toilet...turn your back....go see an addiciton specialist, and get htis monster under control now...or the alternative...keep taking them, and then they will be taking you, on the worst nightmare of your life........
yes you are addicted. the rush can be a mother. but when that is gone what do u have? LIFE that is y u need to get yours back in order in all senses. and get somene who will give u the support u need (the forum) and all else will follow. there is a rapid detox program i know about that really works! if interested let me know will give u the info in the meantime take care no one can do u but u!!!!!!!!!! DN
Very well put!
Thank you.
Oh god, run as fast as you can. you already realize that you are getting caught in the trap.
it is the learned behavior while we are taking it that is so difficult afterwards. a funtional addict if you will. we create unrealistic routines that are difficult at the least to keep up with no help from the drugs anymore. you will find yourself leaning on them more and more for the energy they give you. at the same time becoming more and more exhausted and unmotivated when they wear off.
of course you feel wonderful when you take them. they are bombarding you with endorphins. it will take more and more to get this same feeling and in time no amount will do it. also it is robbing your body of being able to produce the endorphins on your own. you will become increasingly depressed when they wear off.
that is my experience and the point i was at.
it then took me 2 years to finally quit them.
2 years and thousands of dollars- because you will find that no doctors will be able to supply you with the amount you will need everyday just to funtion.
i started out with 1 5mg pill every other day. i topped off at 18 of those every day. hah and that was just to get through the day without feeling like i was gonna die. not much energy and absolutely no endorphin rush. if this drug is not the devil himself in disguise than i do not know what is.
Yes that feeling of euphoric energy and uplifted spirits is what is the most addicting part. If you continue to use however, you will no longer feel that feeling and will need to take them just to feel "normal" and not sick. Your energy will decrease and depression will sink in. You may even spend extra $ to get them. I did...thousands of $s.
These are all things that await us when we continue to take pills. Stop now and save yourself from the downward spiral you'll take. After the fog has lifted you can address your relationship and be clear-headed enough to make decisions based on fact and not charged by drug-induced confusion.
I'm faced with decisions about my spouse now, as he sounds like yours. But what I choose will be chosen through a clear thought process. Later when I look back I won't regret doing something I could have done differently had I not been high. And hopefully I'll feel like a responsible human being--not a drugged up addict.
All the best.
Oh please quit, while it is still going to be fairly easy for you. There will still be some withdrawals, but nothing like it would be a year from now.
The feeling that you have now, the ability to get things done will slowly deminish and they will make you sluggish, how long this will take I don't know.
you are right. the pills do mask the inner pain and make us think all is okay. i think you answered your question too. just know it will be much easier to get off the pills now than later. you will have to deal with the issues causing you to use. but life is much better without the. soon they wont give you that powerful feeling...they just leave you feeling empty and wanting more. good luck.
That is addiction in it's best form. You like the way they make you fell not the way they take the pain away. I would stop this now, because you are headed down a very rough road.
We all have demanding lifes. Reality drugs will get you into trouble and we have to learn to deal with the **** of the day without drugs.