Anxiety was too overwhelming

[Pat1956100]

I am totally exhausted from not sleeping much but thought I had a handle on not worrying about it.  Out of the blue a major panic attack hits me.  I tried to breathe through it but it was too much.  I went down and got 3- 5mg percs off my tenant.  I took one and waited but the anxiety didn't subside.  I took the other one and finally had some relief.  Now that the anxiety is gone, I am in shock that I did that.  I can't believe that after all I have been through and all the agony that I have blown it.  I didn't feel good from the percs.  I still felt sick and have a major headache but it did relieve the anxiety.  Now I just feel like crying.  I thought I had it under control and I just feel so weak and discouraged.  I don't even have a desire to take that 3rd pill.  Now what????  

[Pat1956100]

Thanks AJ and everyone.  Your words mean so much to me.  I really hope that I just suffer the mental pain from this and not the physical.  

[Pat1956100]

Thanks so much.  I do feel terrible.  They actually made me feel sicker but did relieve the anxiety.  I am going to tell her that no matter how much I beg not to give me any.  I am sure she will listen.  I used to buy them from her all the time and she knew I had quit but she saw tonight that I was freaking out.  

[fpvfembacktobreakfree]

Awwww pat huni its horrible you had a bad day its ok don't beat yaself  that's the worst thing u can do i hope it dont get bad for ya stay strong my friend we here for ya much love ur friend in oz aj mwah xoxoxoxo

[akitagurl12]

You know I have had ALOT of moments so far where I think I would have taken some pills if I had access to some, especially in the middle of the night and especially during week  2.  Thankfully I just didn't have any in the house and I had to burn the bridge with my supplier to ensure I couldn't get anymore from him.  Now if I ever decide that I need some, it is going to take alot more effort on my part to find them and that will give me time to change my mind.  Right before this quit, I had gone a week and caved in on day 7.  Like you I felt horrible about it, but I just flushed the remaining pills out and started over.  Just don't give up on yourself and take what you have learned and start over.  

[Pat1956100]

Yes, I do need to do something about the anxiety.  I went for counselling years ago for panic attacks and it did help.  It's funny they wanted to put me on medication and I refused.  This is the worst they have been since then.  Even when my husband and sister died I didn't have the anxiety I have now.  It's overwhelming again so I will have to get help.  

[gnarly_1]

now you get up dust yourself off and move forward learning an important lessen.........this thing wont go away on its own it takes work you need to get involved with some sort of aftercare to learn what to do when you panic .........as addicts we need to change the very way we think and reason to overcome our illness left to our old way of thinking we will use its time for N/A or another support group this will get you grounded in recovery itd the thinking thats got to change good luck and God bless..........Gnarly