Aa
keep getting kicked back down
I keep trying to post an udpate and no sooner than I have a huge thing typed up, my husband walks into the room and I have to X out the entire box and loose everything.
this is my 3rd attempt to update today now so will try to do this fast before he comes back AGAIN.
things not well. seems i take 1 step forward and he knocks me 5 steps back. Every day. I dont know how to deal with him anymore. the husband is the worst enemy right now. Im so tired of his coldness and belittling me. His constant criticism is going to drive me over the edge. Ive been running myself ragged lately trying to keep up the house and the kids and all he does is ***** at me about everything and make me cry. I even cooked more delicious meals the last few days again, I love to cook but even that hasnt made him appreciate me either. He made me so upset again earlier today that I cleared out the spare bedroom and think Im going to sleep in it tonight because I cant stand the thought of being near him anymore. Im tired of being hurt and sick of the mental abuse. I dont know how we will end up surviving through this. Sometimes i feel like i hate him. On the other hand, I dont want to make any rash life altering decisions when Im going through W/D and severe depression. God, this is so hard. All i do know for sure though is that we have some very tough issues and I dont know if Im even willing to work through them at this point because Im so tired of his ****.
well thats all for now, Im sure he'll be busting in the room any second again on me and tell me to get off the stupid computer. thanks for listening.
this is my 3rd attempt to update today now so will try to do this fast before he comes back AGAIN.
things not well. seems i take 1 step forward and he knocks me 5 steps back. Every day. I dont know how to deal with him anymore. the husband is the worst enemy right now. Im so tired of his coldness and belittling me. His constant criticism is going to drive me over the edge. Ive been running myself ragged lately trying to keep up the house and the kids and all he does is ***** at me about everything and make me cry. I even cooked more delicious meals the last few days again, I love to cook but even that hasnt made him appreciate me either. He made me so upset again earlier today that I cleared out the spare bedroom and think Im going to sleep in it tonight because I cant stand the thought of being near him anymore. Im tired of being hurt and sick of the mental abuse. I dont know how we will end up surviving through this. Sometimes i feel like i hate him. On the other hand, I dont want to make any rash life altering decisions when Im going through W/D and severe depression. God, this is so hard. All i do know for sure though is that we have some very tough issues and I dont know if Im even willing to work through them at this point because Im so tired of his ****.
well thats all for now, Im sure he'll be busting in the room any second again on me and tell me to get off the stupid computer. thanks for listening.
GET AWAY FROM THE FOOL AS FAST AS YOU CAN DO NOT LOOK BACK DO NOT COLLECT JUST LIGHT FUSE AND GET AWAY.... FIND SOME FAMILY TO STAY WITH, OR GO TO A HOME FOR MOTHERS!
I have split up with boyfriend few wks ago i have a son already to him who is 2 in Jan and am 16wks pregnant. He was horrible to me alot of the time and used to call me names and threaten me alot. He never used to beat me up every day so he didn't think he was doing anything bad but he had a bad temper when drinking or when using crack and did a few violents things but not all time it was few big things every so often so then i was always waiting for something to happen again and the waiting for it all to kick off was nearlyas bad as when he did actually kick off sometimes. He's ok when not had onanything. We split up as we just weren't geting on. He was not taking anything last time we back together so wasn't having problems with him beinng horrible but i always felt like i was just waiting for himtostart. When we have split up previously he has caused alot of problems for me waiting outside house to see if i had anyone there etc etc. Even though i a was worried about him starting again when we split up i couldn'tlive the way we were. Since he moved out i feel totally relieved even with the threat of him getting nasty again the fact that i dont have to sitand pretend everything ok is such a relief. I'm so glad i had strength to do it and not just go along with him. Your problems may seem magnified cos of w/d so i wouldn't rush into anything but you will know deep down if problems were just same before w/d. Sometimes when you are clean from drugs you start to see people for who they really are. If you have family/friends you can talk to if you do decide to leave or ask him to leave tell someone you are going to do it if you think he could get nasty.If you known him for long time hopefully you will know whether or not it could go that way.
Try not to be so pre-occupied with what he is saying/doing/feeling/and how he is acting. Do what YOU need to do. If when this roller coastre ride is over, he is still acting this way, THEN and only then do you make a decision be it therapy or having him go to al a non to learn about the disease of addiction himself so he can better deal with an addict in his life, if you wnat to stay together.
You cannot control other people only your reaction to them so do not faulter. You CAN do it.
He has probably had enough and you have a lot of making up to do. You have to own that BUT that doesn't mean you shouldn't ecpect a little niceness and respect. If he isn't giving you anything of what you need, maybe think about a separation until you BOTH have it together.
But, remember, YOU are alone in this in the end and YOU have to do it for YOURSELF and no one else.
God bless.
You cannot control other people only your reaction to them so do not faulter. You CAN do it.
He has probably had enough and you have a lot of making up to do. You have to own that BUT that doesn't mean you shouldn't ecpect a little niceness and respect. If he isn't giving you anything of what you need, maybe think about a separation until you BOTH have it together.
But, remember, YOU are alone in this in the end and YOU have to do it for YOURSELF and no one else.
God bless.
This is too ironic- I was LOST The other day and sent a message directly to flmagi because on day 4 I realized that being through the middle of detox my numbness and hazing was gone and I saw my spouse for what he really was and the problems contributed to my use because I just wanted to be numb all the time- now on DAY 6!!! I have to deal with it sooner or later, but everyone is different and you have to do what is right for you- I don't know if you have kids involved, but I do and it makes it 10 times as hard- I empathize with you, I really do- just don't be too hard on yourself. Try and take one day at a time and if I suspect your like me, I too have to X out everytime because as I mentioned, no ONE knows about my abuse of my RX- so I have had no support- my spouse only knows I have been "sick" lately and my mood swings are driving HIM nuts- Little does he know that I'm not making any DRASTIC moves until I'm completely detoxed for 30 days- that is my plan for now and I'm sticking to it...Good Luck Trouble- Fellow Ohioan......
How long have you been an active addict?
It sounds like your husband is sick of your addiction and taking it out on you.......
We hurt a lot of people while were using, and some who love us the most hate to see us
in pain so bad it comes out in anger because nothing else seems to work.....
We leave so many victims when were using.........
Have you talked to him about quitting this time for good and leaving the pills alone?
It sounds like your husband is sick of your addiction and taking it out on you.......
We hurt a lot of people while were using, and some who love us the most hate to see us
in pain so bad it comes out in anger because nothing else seems to work.....
We leave so many victims when were using.........
Have you talked to him about quitting this time for good and leaving the pills alone?
Girl i am so sorry to hear that...That is a terrible way to be treated, and i know being in w/d's has to be even worst..
But like steph i would not make any decisions right now...i am not saying things are not what you are saying, but i know for me when he would open his mouth i wanted to run away...It didn't matter if it was nice or mean, i just was feeling so bad that i think i hated him, but in reality i hated myself..
Only now i can see this, only because my head is clear...
But if you feel you are in danger or when you are feeling better things don't change then you need to move on...The clean you!!!!
Keep fighting for yourself....
Good luck
r2r
But like steph i would not make any decisions right now...i am not saying things are not what you are saying, but i know for me when he would open his mouth i wanted to run away...It didn't matter if it was nice or mean, i just was feeling so bad that i think i hated him, but in reality i hated myself..
Only now i can see this, only because my head is clear...
But if you feel you are in danger or when you are feeling better things don't change then you need to move on...The clean you!!!!
Keep fighting for yourself....
Good luck
r2r
I agree with FLaddict, don't make any decisions yet, unless you have to. I kicked my husband out 2 weeks prior to quiting the pills, I'm now on day 16 off them. He's back, and so far things are good. Starting to wonder if SOME of our problems weren't because of the pills. My husband really doesn't know about the addiction part. But a few days ago I had to lay out some things for him...I'm not gonna kill myself trying to do everything for him. I won't cook if I don't feel like it, clean when I'm ready to etc etc. Told him to back off, I'm a new person now and I'm doing this with or without you. He seems to love the new me. It hasn't solved all our problems..... But I'm doing good, and thats the most important thing right now. I don't know how I would have gone through withdrawls with him here. I'm so sorry your having to deal with HIM and the withdrawls. But you'll be feeling better soon, and will be able to deal with whatever needs to be done with a clear head. Remember this is for YOU. And go easy on yourself. Stay strong. Clear thinking and happiness ahead.
Magi
Magi
I am so sorry girl ,Give it sometime. I didn't like my husband much durning WD ....After you are feeling better and have a clearer head then figure out what you need. I am wondering how long have you used .. Was he like this before you used ? You remember you deserve to be happy and NO one has the right to degrade you.
Girl, I have been there done that and have the battle wounds... I personally had to leave. My ex from when I lived in PA was so awful to me emotionally.. called me stupid degrading names even in front of people. Constantly acted like he was better than me..
But you are right, don't make any decisions yet. This is not the time unless you feel you are in danger being there either emotionally or physically.
I will tell you, leaving was the best thing I ever did.. As I pulled out of the drive way with all my stuff a weight was lifted off my shoulders like no other. Suddenly I didn't have heart burn everyday. I was able to sleep more soundly. So as scary as it may seem. the moment is gratifying.
Let me know if you need to talk, send me a email or a PM
XOXO
But you are right, don't make any decisions yet. This is not the time unless you feel you are in danger being there either emotionally or physically.
I will tell you, leaving was the best thing I ever did.. As I pulled out of the drive way with all my stuff a weight was lifted off my shoulders like no other. Suddenly I didn't have heart burn everyday. I was able to sleep more soundly. So as scary as it may seem. the moment is gratifying.
Let me know if you need to talk, send me a email or a PM
XOXO
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