At a crossroad; need advice

[HadEnough0920]

I won't rehash my entire addiction story.  I'll just summarize for those that don't know about me so I can get more informed responses.

My DOC is oxymorphone.  At my worst, I was using 150+ mg/day.  I've tapered all the way down to 20mg a day, snorted.  I was snorting at least 100mg a day in addition to taking at least 40mg ER orally.  Bioavailability for Opana orally is horrid at 10%.  Snorting brings it up to around 40%.  I no longer take any ER after talking to my doctor last week and asking if it was ok to drop the ER instead of continuing to taper.  He said it was fine as long as I thought I could handle the wd.  I break my IR Opana into quarters, so I snort 8 bumps a day at 2.5mg each.  This is equivalent to taking 8 of the 10mg IR pills orally.  I hope that makes some sense.  

I want off the poison pill completely, and I want to not snort anymore.  My problem is that because of my back issues, which are almost intolerable at this dose, is that with this particular drug, I have to snort in order to get enough medication to control the pain.  Yes I know that was a badly structured sentence:)  I've come a long, long way from how much I was using to now, but I'm not delusional.  I'm still abusing my meds, and I'm still an addict.  I know that some of my pain may be caused by rebound issues, but since my lower spine is wrecked, I'm sure that is contributing also.  I will know more when I see my doc in a couple weeks and my body has adjusted better to the much lower dose.  

Would it be wise to ask my doctor to switch me to a different medication, say one with acetaminophen and a much better oral bioavailability, so I can stop snorting AND control my pain better?  I hope to eventually not have to take anything narcotic, but I'm also trying to be realistic with my back issues.  I'd rather be on anything other than Opana.  I hate snorting, but it's the only way right now that I can get enough to make my pain barely tolerable AND not run out of pills before refill day.  I know substituting one drug for another isn't really making progress, but if it kept me from abusing the med, then I think that is a good thing.  He's scripted me everything under the sun already, and I don't think he would have a problem going to a different med, especially since Opana is considered one of the strongest opiates available.  What would you guys/gals do in my situation?  I know snorting 20mg a day makes me a junkie still, but I have to look at where I came from in order to not get too depressed about my situation.  You can be brutally honest with me too; I can handle it.  I've done more than most will ever do by coming out to my doc, parents, wife, and getting a therapist.  I take the advice from here very seriously.  It means a lot when people take the time to respond.  I think I have shown that I don't let it go in one ear and out the other like so many people do.  I simply don't know what I should do right now.  I have 2 weeks to figure it out.  Thank you.

[clean_in_ks]

Hope you're still hanging......decided to PM you~

[HadEnough0920]

I also plan to ask my doc if the gabapentin would help me with either my pain, or the withdrawals while we figure out the best way to get me off the oxymorphone.  Thanks to those of you that suggested it, and also ricart for answering my question.

[HadEnough0920]

Does anyone else have an opinion about switching to a different medicine so I can get better relief and stop abusing my Opana?  I won't be able to stop snorting the oxymorphone since its the only way it makes my pain tolerable.  Percocet perhaps due to its very high oral bioavailability?  At least I wouldn't snort anything with acetaminophen.  If no one else can help me out I will stop bumping my thread so others can get help.  

[HadEnough0920]

Thank you you 2.  I stayed up with the dog as long as I could and then went to bed.  I didn't binge.  I don't feel very good right now.  I may check back in later.

[YesLife4Me]

Hey Enough...I had an experience like that with a boss once.  It's almost like it's a power trip with them.  I asked to leave 10 minutes early to pick up my cat from the vet because they called and asked if I could pick her up early.  He wouldn't let me.  Said something like 'it's just a cat and they can wait for me".  Grrrr!!  

Many times I have wondered about being tested early on in recovery.  I see so many posts about some stressful life event, medical need to be put back on pain meds and such right after someone comes on here either looking for help or just gets done detoxing.   The devil doesn't want us to win.  Keep on fighting!   Sometimes it seems like we just can't catch a break and then suddenly something good emerges, so hang on your good is coming.  

[selfinduced]

Hey Nuff, So glad the pup is on the mend. Nothing worse than having a loved one pet or human going thru any pain and not being there to watch over and sooth. Uggh, about the "line sniffing", don't even think about it. Not only will it set back your healing and progress, but for what? a 3 minute high. Your better than that and you are doing so well. Make sure your surrounding yourself with positive people now. I know this detox period will cause havoc on your mental state and the more you keep active and positive the better you'll be able to handle these job/stressful situations that life will bring. Keep your mind focused on the big picture....a life drug free with all the blessings at your fingertips!

[HadEnough0920]

Some higher being is certainly testing my willpower.  As I posted earlier, one of my dogs had surgery yesterday.  Part of that involved removing a mammary tumor, so she has a ton of stitches.  My wife had to work this morning, and my shift normally ends about an hour after she goes in.  I asked my boss if it would be possible to leave a bit early this morning so I could tend to my dog and make sure she doesn't dive off the bed or couch and split herself open.  I ended up working about an hour MORE than normal, while he sent almost everyone else home.  All I got was a "sorry".  Thankfully she is ok, but I was worried to death about her the whole time.  I bust my hump for this guy, covering for people that are lazy or don't show up, and I ask for 1 small favor.  This happens a lot in my life, which is why I hate asking anyone for anything, including here.  I seem to always get let down.  All I want to do now is cut up a nice 10mg line and sniff to my heart's content.  I just don't understand.  Yeah I'm whining about stuff that everyone deals with.  Blah blah blah life isn't fair.  Yeah I get it.  At least I have some little white devils that will make me not care, at least for a few hours.  I'm sick of being tested.  I just want 1 friggin day where I can have everything go right and not have to stress about anything.  That's not too much to ask is it?  /vent

[HadEnough0920]

Thank you for the response.  My father took gabapentin for a bit for some sciatic pain.  He said it worked great.  From what I'm able to remember about my condition, my pain is due to the facet syndrome and bone spurs I have on my spine, along with some bone on bone rubbing due to an extra vertebra I have that has no disc.  Since it is not nerve related, I'm not sure the gabapentin would help.  Hopefully clean in ks chimes in.  It sounds like it would be helpful in conjunction with a less potent med for the withdrawals.

I have been to a pain clinic.  It was a very bad experience for me.  I also saw an orthopedic surgeon, and was RX'd some physical therapy.  I hated the place, so I just learned the exercises and do them from home since all I need is a Swiss ball.  It has helped some.  When I went to the pain clinic, they discussed injections, but told me that they didn't expect them to work in my situation.  He was also appalled at the amount of medication I was taking, and took it upon himself to call my GP and tell him to quit writing me scripts for opiates.  What a jerk, going behind my back like that over something that didn't concern him.  I didn't go there seeking meds, and told him so.  

My dog had a tumor removed and 4 teeth pulled.  I just feel so bad for her.  I wish "life" would just stop sometimes while we are trying to recover.  I'm hanging in there despite it all.  

One more thing.  I did take Exalgo for 2 months, which is ER dilaudid.  It didn't do much of anything.  I have not been on oxycodone ever, but was on hydro.  The Norcos did the best of everything I've tried at controlling the pain.  Not sure why, because in the grand scheme of things, it is relatively weak.

[FourJays]

That is an awful feeling - our pets are truly family.  But I am sure that whatever you did had to be done and hopefully she will recover soon(?).  You are being a responsible pet owner by taking care of her the best you can.  Now you need to do the same for YOU - don't take the pills.  Your brain IS messing with you.  Taking them will numb you up but it will only be temporary and when they wear off "real life" will return and you will feel way worse than you do now.  Hang in there.

[HadEnough0920]

What a terrible day.  One of my dogs had surgery this morning and is in a ton of pain right now.  I feel so bad for her.  I can't stand seeing her like this, and want to use.  I've got about 70 pills sitting right here that could numb me right up.  I won't do it, but man it's hard.  She's a family member and its so hard to know that I did this to her.  My brain is making up every excuse to use, but I refuse to give in to the BS of the drugs.  I hate feeling like this.

[ricart70]

Yeah if you have an agreeable doctor I would say changing to tabs or something less potent would be a great idea.   Hang in there ,You are making progress !!

[selfinduced]

Hi Nuff, So glad to see you still in the ring. Day by day my friend! You've been in my prayers. Keep it going......

[asailorswife]

keep on keeping on hadenough!!!!!

[EvolverU]

Hey!
               Like Vickie above said - 'don't beat yourself up'. It's counterproductive and can only lead you backwards. You've got to start telling yourself this is possible no matter what.  Before you ask your doctor about Gabapentin talk to clean_ in_ks. If you want, I'll drop her a note to post on this thread. She has experience with it. She kicked it along with a host of other drugs - there are others here she has advised about it. If you're on Numorphan now (Opana) - I'd imagine that the other drugs your doctor could offer you would be Dilaudid, Morphine or Methadone. (The latter being the hardest to come off of because of it's level of tissue and bone solubility and  long half-life.) Besides, Methadone isn't particularly effective in long-term pain management at your level. The other two - if you haven't already been prescribed one or both - as you probably already know - are relatively short acting powerful narcotics - (particularly Dilaudid.) Have you tried a pain clinic where they can teach you strengthening & pain management exercises that  trick your brain - (as another poster above asked) - or bodywork/holistic therapies for your back?

                      Wishing you all the success in the world --
                          We're here for you no matter what.

[VICourageous]

Hi Do not beat your self up on the snorting bit, Alot of us have done it. I was snorting the methedone with the adderall go figure It was not smart at all I know but I was hooked and I needed to make it strech.....Not to good for the nose and the teeth I must say...But anyway we own a drywall bus and my husband had 3 injured disc. He goes and gets shot in his back. I know there is steriod shot but I think is something dif...Not sure I have to look it up. Anyway it did help but the $$$$ they want is bad. He came off his norcos for me back in Sept but suffered so much at work. So now he is OK with just 1-2 10mg Norco only when he is at work in pain. He has alot of self well and knows alot about the disease and the pleasure part of the brain. He keeps under control and does not get the BUZZ if he wanted that it would take 10 +. So sometimes life is tuff and we do not have to deal with the pain. But talking as a addict I would have to give my pills to my sponsor and be honest not to find more. So I have to not go there and find other things. I think most of us here deal with pain every day I know I do...You will find your experience thought some angle on this site. But maybe talk to DR. about the shots....If u cand affort or have not yet it might work....I wish u the best, but do not beat yourself up u are doing GREAT..
God Bless u
vickie

[HadEnough0920]

The Opana works well enough, barely, but only because I abuse it.  Before I started snorting, it just wasn't enough.  I told my doc, and he added 120 10mg Norcos per month on top of all the Opana.  Keep in mind again, this was before I started abusing the Opana.  I took all those meds for a couple months, at which point I had him take me off the Norcos.  It was an insane amount of medicine.  In hindsight, I should have dropped the Opana instead.  That decision turned out to be my downfall.  I'm kind of surprised I'm not dead or have some sort of organ failure.  Oh well, I can't undo that decision.  

[YesLife4Me]

I was put on Gaba for my fibro a few weeks ago and at the max dose now of 1200 (4 x 300 mg) 3 times a day.  I tell you, it has made a world of difference for my nerve pain.  It doesn't really help with muscular or bone pain, but it will help alleviate most, if not all your wd symptoms.  That varies perso. To person.  Can't hurt to discuss trying it for both wd and your pain.  You could discuss this with your Dr.   It seems like it would help with a transistion to a lower dose of meds if need be as well.  

[scottscott1973]

I dont have cronic pain but if numbing your pain with opiats isnt working id try tricking your brain to think your not in pain. Thats pretty much what gaba does i quit cold turkey and never had one single withdrawl,,,it may really help id ask your doctor asap

[scottscott1973]

Ask your doctor about gabapinten i spelled wrong but sound it out i was taking 600 ml 3 times a day had no withdrawls and felt great,it was the wrong way for me to quit but it will help with your back its anti seizure med and you can take forever and im pretty sure you can take with your meds,i would tryand use it to detox

[SmilingBright]

You can do this!!!   Stay postive!!!;)

[HadEnough0920]

Thank you for the support:)

[SmilingBright]

I don't know much about opana.  But I'm proud of u for taking a step forward to being better.  U are doing better than what u were doing before.  

I'm
Sure someone can give u better advice later   Just wanted to lend my support.  You can do this!!!!!