Back From Germany

[david0263]

I just got back from my vacation in Germany and now my addiction is back in full force.  My wife brought all her pain meds and xanax with her and I got into them big time.  I went to an NA meeting at noon today and walked out of there and used again.  I'm giving up hope.  I think god does not want this for me.  Or better yet maybe I don't want this for me.  I can't loose much more to addiction it's taking everything I have.  I want to live clean, I want what other poeple have that I see in meetings.  I just feel that for me this is all out of reach.  Sometimes I think death would be so much easier because I can't live like this anymore.

David

[dogneedshelp]

David, you have to know that God was standing there looking at that glass in the bed and crying, but, also in the room with you was The Devil and it was by his will that your stepfather did this terrible deed. Many of us suffered a terrible childhood and have questioned God's reasons but you MUST UNDERSTAND that God wants nothing but the best for you. Do you love anyone so much that you would watch your son be tortured and crucified for the benefit of another? God does love you so much that he gave his only son over to torture for your deliverance. PLEASE... come out of that fog long enough to see this. We are all here for you... and so is God.

[david0263]

I went to a meeting tonight.  I was high so I did not share but I did hear some good things.  I felt sogood 2 weeks ago, now I feel like s***.  My life has got to get better than this.  I need god in my life but he allowed me to be deeply hurt as a child and that hurt has played a role in who I am today.  I say he allowed it because at 8 there was not much I could do to stop it.  My step father threw broken glass in my bed hoping In would just jump in without looking....which I did.  I got cut up pretty bad.  How do I turn my life over to a god that allowed that to happen?  I need god in my life in order to stay clean but I blame him for this.  How do I get past this?

[1eagle]

Got to put in my dime when someone thinks God turned his back on them - doesn't happen that way. Listen to Kleen - lady knows of what she speaks. Avisg is also correct - dump the pills, quit again...I did that a dozen times before I got it right...now I gotta keep it right. But this New Year looks better than any that I have seen in many years!!! No narc's rocks !

[avisg]

You can do this ,there is a clean life for you .we all have set backs .
Keep going to the meetings .Get rid of the pills start agian . We will be here to help.
avis

[troubleinohio]

IBK is right.......you have turned your back on yourself.  I can tell that you do want to be clean. Please dont give up on yourself. This isnt easy for any of us to get clean

[1234betterlife]

david, this is the drug talking, not you. you need to be with other people right now. fortify what you want. god is always there. we just are fickle with our faith when we use because of guilt. please do not give up on yourself. you are way more important than this drug.

[david0263]

Thanks IBK.  You have always been a great help to me.

[IBKleen]

God has not turned his back on you David--you turned your back on yourself. He is there to help, if you let him...

Please--go to the meetings and let it all out. I just want to see you pick yourself back up.

[david0263]

It's not that I want to give up.  I just feel that God has turned his back on me and here I am once again doped up feeling like s*** and wishing I was dead.  Drugs are killing me and I can feel it.  I'm going to a meeting tonight and will share all of this.  It helps to tell on my addiction.

[IBKleen]

David,

You are giving up hope? OMG..that is so upsetting. You have come so far and now you want to throw that all away? I am lost for words.

So, you made a mistake. Why won't you get back up and do it again? You are worth it! I KNOW you are worth it--damn it!!!!!!

Again, I just don't know what to say....