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Benedryl (Wal dryl) Abuse
For months I noticed lots of the tiny pink Benedryl tablets in my girlfriends' purse. They didn't seem to be disappearing so I never questioned it. One night, on a whim, I counted 37 pills in her purse. The next evening I went to count again and there were only 8 left...which led me to believe she took over 20 of them in a 24 hour period.
(I should add, before we get too far into this, that my girlfriend is a recoverring acloholic and has an addictive personality and lies about things like sneaking cigarrettes (which is odd since I smoke and wouldn't judge))
I am aware that there are side effects related to abuse. One is rapid heartbeat (which she has complained about since I met her). Another is the fact that she sleeps 12 hours at a go and, aside from St. John's Wort, she takes no other sleep aids and, currently isn't even working. I attribute a small amount of this to depression but to be actually SLEEPING that long?....
She also strongly argues that she is not taking more than one or two a day...sometimes four if her "sinuses are acting up". Funny thing is, I've been living with the girl for over a year and she has never blown her nose in front of me, had any allergic reactions, or anything of the sort.
The scary thing is that, in hindsight, I recall her waking up in the middle of the night making no sense whatsoever and rambling on about things she doesn't remember the next day. The fact that she strongly denies taking more than perscribed (even though I KNOW otherwise), the elongated sleep patterns and inability to sleep when I'm "watching", and the fact that she generally hides the bottle in the back of the cabinet and, somewhat foolishly, seems to buy new bottles and use them to fill the OLD bottle....all lead me to believe that there is an addiction-type situation occurring.
Does anyone have any relevant advice or suggestions on how to approach the issue or if there are signs I should be looking for or if I need to seek advice elsewhere! Thanks in advance!!!
(I should add, before we get too far into this, that my girlfriend is a recoverring acloholic and has an addictive personality and lies about things like sneaking cigarrettes (which is odd since I smoke and wouldn't judge))
I am aware that there are side effects related to abuse. One is rapid heartbeat (which she has complained about since I met her). Another is the fact that she sleeps 12 hours at a go and, aside from St. John's Wort, she takes no other sleep aids and, currently isn't even working. I attribute a small amount of this to depression but to be actually SLEEPING that long?....
She also strongly argues that she is not taking more than one or two a day...sometimes four if her "sinuses are acting up". Funny thing is, I've been living with the girl for over a year and she has never blown her nose in front of me, had any allergic reactions, or anything of the sort.
The scary thing is that, in hindsight, I recall her waking up in the middle of the night making no sense whatsoever and rambling on about things she doesn't remember the next day. The fact that she strongly denies taking more than perscribed (even though I KNOW otherwise), the elongated sleep patterns and inability to sleep when I'm "watching", and the fact that she generally hides the bottle in the back of the cabinet and, somewhat foolishly, seems to buy new bottles and use them to fill the OLD bottle....all lead me to believe that there is an addiction-type situation occurring.
Does anyone have any relevant advice or suggestions on how to approach the issue or if there are signs I should be looking for or if I need to seek advice elsewhere! Thanks in advance!!!
That's called "ultimatum" time. :-/ All you can do is call her out on your suspicions, and stick to your guns with your evidence as she lies through her teeth straight to your face. Then one of you had better have your bags packed and alternative living arrangements made in advance.
When was the last alcohol relapse? Has she had any continuing therapy at all? One thing I'm confused about is when you say she denies taking "more than prescribed." Benadryl is an over-the-counter med. Are you certain that's what you found in her purse? Her symptoms sound more like what happens with Ambien, which IS a prescription sleep medication, and is also pink and shaped the same way. BAD stuff happens when it's mixed with alcohol. That business about her rambling in the middle of the night and having no memory of it the next day is a pretty classic ambien/ alcohol reaction.
You said it yourself. You won't tolerate living with an active abuser. It's up to you to decide how much of her behavior you can live with and when to pull the plug. She may never admit to her problem, which is why you have to know where your personal line in the sand is. Love and support can't cure addiction, and it certainly has no impact on an addict who denies having a problem. Love just gets used as an emotional weapon against you - if you let it.
When was the last alcohol relapse? Has she had any continuing therapy at all? One thing I'm confused about is when you say she denies taking "more than prescribed." Benadryl is an over-the-counter med. Are you certain that's what you found in her purse? Her symptoms sound more like what happens with Ambien, which IS a prescription sleep medication, and is also pink and shaped the same way. BAD stuff happens when it's mixed with alcohol. That business about her rambling in the middle of the night and having no memory of it the next day is a pretty classic ambien/ alcohol reaction.
You said it yourself. You won't tolerate living with an active abuser. It's up to you to decide how much of her behavior you can live with and when to pull the plug. She may never admit to her problem, which is why you have to know where your personal line in the sand is. Love and support can't cure addiction, and it certainly has no impact on an addict who denies having a problem. Love just gets used as an emotional weapon against you - if you let it.
Thank you for your response. I do, in fact, have a relatively extensive knowledge of the disease of addiction as well as several other "theories" of addiction (ie. Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy), and did, myself, attend intensive outpatient treatment for alcohol and had a brother who was addicted to meth. I've been to AA, NA, Alanon, etc.
I suppose even my question came off with an heir of denial. I KNOW there is something wrong and I agree that it's not my place to tell her she has an addiction...that's her job. Problem is, she has lost two jobs (one due to falling asleep on the job and the other related to an alcohol/pill relapse that landed her in the hospital). Her nursing license is in probationary status. My options are to be supportive (but how do you support someone that "doesn't have a problem"?) or to leave based on suspicions alone.
I'm not going to tolerate living with someone who abuses drugs and alcohol and she knows this and, though she's relapsed on alcohol, has admitted to it and has sought the necessary treatment to move forward from the relapse.
So...in summation, as someone aware of the disease concept and an already present addiction, should this be something that I just ignore until it becomes a bigger problem (heart problems, kidney or liver damage, dimensia, memory loss, etc.) or is there a constructive way that anyone can suggest to bring the topic up BEFORE it becomes as big a problem as her alcohol addiction.
"You can't tell a drunk they're a drunk"...yada yada yada....I realize this...but what CAN you tell them if you're truly concerned for their safety, your safety, your relationship, and the financial burdon that such addictions can result in?
I suppose even my question came off with an heir of denial. I KNOW there is something wrong and I agree that it's not my place to tell her she has an addiction...that's her job. Problem is, she has lost two jobs (one due to falling asleep on the job and the other related to an alcohol/pill relapse that landed her in the hospital). Her nursing license is in probationary status. My options are to be supportive (but how do you support someone that "doesn't have a problem"?) or to leave based on suspicions alone.
I'm not going to tolerate living with someone who abuses drugs and alcohol and she knows this and, though she's relapsed on alcohol, has admitted to it and has sought the necessary treatment to move forward from the relapse.
So...in summation, as someone aware of the disease concept and an already present addiction, should this be something that I just ignore until it becomes a bigger problem (heart problems, kidney or liver damage, dimensia, memory loss, etc.) or is there a constructive way that anyone can suggest to bring the topic up BEFORE it becomes as big a problem as her alcohol addiction.
"You can't tell a drunk they're a drunk"...yada yada yada....I realize this...but what CAN you tell them if you're truly concerned for their safety, your safety, your relationship, and the financial burdon that such addictions can result in?
Hi & Welcome,
I am not going to be the one to tell you that your girlfriend has a problem, that is for her to admit, if she does.
With that..if she does, ther is not a single thing you can do to help her unless she wants the help. Step 1..admitting she has a problem. She has not even done that yet.
YOU need to be concerned about YOU, not her. You cannot help her hun, other than going on with your life and by that showing her there is another way.
I have to suggest...for you...that you do research on the disease of addiction.
I am honestly sorry you are going through this and hope, for the both of you, it all works out.
I am not going to be the one to tell you that your girlfriend has a problem, that is for her to admit, if she does.
With that..if she does, ther is not a single thing you can do to help her unless she wants the help. Step 1..admitting she has a problem. She has not even done that yet.
YOU need to be concerned about YOU, not her. You cannot help her hun, other than going on with your life and by that showing her there is another way.
I have to suggest...for you...that you do research on the disease of addiction.
I am honestly sorry you are going through this and hope, for the both of you, it all works out.
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You are in the unfortunate and uncomfortable position of either -
1) playing DEA cop to gather evidence that will satisfy your suspicions, or
2) calmly asking her to be honest with you about the behavioral changes you've noticed.
Who knows? It may not even BE benadryl alone that is changing her behavior and sleep patterns. It may be a combination of that along with something else. You said in your first post that she is a habitual liar - even when confronted with direct evidence like the cigarettes - so you'll have to trust your own judgment. If her behavior is beyond what you can live with, it's time to go.
You're right - it's not your job to convince your girlfriend that she's an addict. It IS your job to tell her that her behavior has become a problem, and her actions have consequences to your relationship with her. It is also your job to determine what those consequences will be as far as your life with her is concerned and make them clear to her. How you say it probably won't matter. She's going to be angry; she's going to be defensive; she's going to deny; she's going to lie; and she probably won't change a thing, but you'll have it all out on the table with honesty.
In one way you are being an enabler. You are enabling your girlfriend's addiction problems to run your life. How much time do you spend wondering what you'll find when you get home from work? How much of your life do you want to spend having to count pills? How many sleepless nights do want to endure while you watch her to see if she's still breathing? Your relationship is already turning toxic because she won't work her recovery, and frankly it doesn't sound like she's recovered from squat at the moment.
Let's look at what you've written. Your girlfriend
1) Is an alcoholic/ addict
2) Has harmed herself and continues to harm herself with substance abuse
3) Is now harming YOUR life with continued substance abuse
4) Is a liar
5) Is unemployable in her chosen profession as a consequence of her addiction
6) Refuses to work a recovery program and wants to pretend everything is just fine.
What is left in this relationship for YOU?