Benzo addict

[disRA]

My husband has a bad addiction to benzodiazepines.  Although he has improved over the past few years (down from 15 bars of Xanax per day) he cannot seem to let go.  He is well aware of his addiction and of the dangers as he has been through the seizures and he has seen plenty of friends go through it.  However, he will get his Klonopin prescription filled and take all 60 within a few days.  He will then go through withdrawl for about a week during which time he tries to get his hands on any pills he can including pain killers, Xanax, Valium, he is not too particular.  Obviously, he lies to me about it, I assume b/c he is embarassed.  

I need to know if there is any hope.  He swears that he wants to quit but I cannot live my life this way.  I love him with all my heart but when he is on the pills and going through withdrawl he is horrible to me and it really makes me feel depressed and often suicidal.  I do not want to leave him but if there is no hope I may have to b/c I can't live this way.  Does anyone have any words of wisdom?  Does anyone actually beat this?

[ImWho]

I too love my husband with all my heart. And his addiction is hard. This seems to be the only forum I can find that carries any information of value, I have searched and I have a hard time finding one that offers serious replies, serious situations, etc,...

If we are in the wrong forum, or others think we (as spouses) should find another place for support/help/advice/anything, please point us in the right direction?

[vicaddict]

Hi there;
I really wish I had a solid solution for you, but unfortunately I do not. What I am wondering though is..has your husband ever overdosed? Or had anything close to it on any of these meds? I would say he is lucky if he hasn't.

If not..he is asking for trouble and that may be what it takes for him to realize what he is doing to himself, and to his family.

Have you offered to go with him if he does go through with some treatment program? I am sure you have but just asking. Sounds as if he will need an in patient treatment program, but then again it is getting him to admit himself to get that done.

I feel for you, and wish I could help. I do not know of anything other than him having to admit he needs help and then actually going through with it. His habit/s sound very dangerous to me.

It may take you leaving maybe even for a short time for him to actually get the hint that you cannot live this way with him. His addiction is just that, it is his and not yours. But I too, would have a very difficult time walking away.

I hope he can get this under control before anything bad has to happen, and that he can get in tune with your concern and do what needs to be done.
I wish you all the best and I hope things get worked out. Do let me know please.
Thoughts and prayers your way!!

[disRA]

Thanks for the comments.  It helps to know that I am not alone.  Living with these circumstances can certainly make you feel very alone.  Best of luck.

[disRA]

Thanks.  And to answer your question, he has somehow never had a severe overdose.  The worst of it has been a seizure after running out of Xanax.  The seizure scared him for a while and he quit cold turkey for a year.  He then gradually started back and his Dr, who is a bit of a pill-pusher, prescribed him Klonopin to sleep.
I went with him to a therapist for a while but as we all know, they can only help when you are honest with them.  The therapist only increased his dosage which makes me wonder if he was going to the therapist to get more pills.
He is aware of his problem and I truly believe that he hates the addiction but not enough to quit.  I know that if he does not quit soon, it will kill him.  A person's body can only take so much and he is too often tettering on the edge of an overdose.  I just don't know that there is anything I can do to help and sometimes I fear that I am making it worse.  I know what he is going through on a chemical level but I cannot relate to the feeling.
Thanks for your insight.  I really appreciate it.  Good luck.

[vicaddict]

Hi again!
Have yo utold him about this forum? Probably not I am assuming you do not want him to know you came on here. But you know....maybe if you introduce him to the forum..he reads all the posts, he may ( I do not know him obviously) but he just MAY, get into coming here to the forum.

I know for me..my addiction I cannot, just cannot get myself to let my Dr. know...maybe I can eventually, but I just cannot get myself to do it right now. I found this site, and I am blabbing like a mad woman. Everything I have kept in for soo long I am finally releasing to REAL people, who can relate to a Tee what I am going through. Noone is here to judge anyone, and all the hope there is..for me it is a relief to know I just MAY be able to get this under control and be off of these pills for good.

I have also noticed that just by my talking to someone else, even if it is advice I do not take myself..helps all in itself. Getting it all out in the open without holding anything back is such a relief!

Just a thought hun.
Thank you and good luck to you as well!