Break down

[Kelseago]

I'm losing it.  I'm experiencing serious rage.  I feel freaking crazy constantly want to cry or yell.  I can't keep my thoughts strait and don't want my kids around me.  I'm ashamed of this feeling but I can't help it.  I just can't do anything they want without falling apart.  

[LeaAnn807]

You are really in a tough situation.  Is there ANY way that you can find some free counseling or something?  You were paying for pills right?  Maybe you could use that money to go and talk to a professional?  I don't know, and I don't usually tell people this, but I see you struggling and think you need some help.  It's not that I think you will do anything crazy, but this is a very hard situation, and your emotions are all over the place.  The best thing you can do is call one of those hotlines, so you can calm down some and then try to go to bed and rest.  

Please, at least talk to your doctor, ok?  Your life may depend on it!

[dedicatedtostop]

Been there done that, mine dont understand either. But WE do... It will pass. If you think it will help to TALK, IMDone has it right, make that call. A live voice may be just what it takes to get you through this moment. Remember it is just "a moment" It WILL PASS!

[Kelseago]

Thanks. I will

[ImDONENoMore]

If you go to the website - allaboutcounseling.com - there are a ton of toll-free hotline numbers to call - and there's one for substance abuse - or even google "toll-free hotline numbers for drug withdrawal" and a bunch of links come up.  USE them Kels.  They're FREE.

[Kelseago]

No I'm sorry. My head just isn't straight.  I can't think and am taking everything wrong.  I wish I could call somebody. I have nobody and idk when my husband will be home.  I don't think he understands what I'm dealing with.  He's just out taking his time. Hiking at the park while I'm here going crazy

[dedicatedtostop]

In no WAY at all am I putting you down, as I am always here to support you.I personaly say I am concerned because I KNOW how bad of a feeling that is, trust me I do. I was not incinuating that you would hurt your children at all, but more to the effect of... I have been in those shoes where I have felt that bad and did not want my children to witness it. And for what it is worth that was just 3 days ago, and look at me today, much better. Please keep posting what is truely in your heart, because thats where the healing begins. Also I meant call someone to help as in.... give you a break/time alone. Take a deep breath, it's going to be okay, we are only trying to help you and I am sorry that you misunderstood that

[Kelseago]

I start meetings tomorrow if my husband gets off work in time.  I'm really not trying to start anything. I'm at a real low right now and just want to crawl in bed and cry but I have to hold me together infront of everyone.  I haven't taken anything. I'm struggling not to though

[ImDONENoMore]

Kels - there's no need to be sorry about posting - that is what this place is for.  IB and dedicated are only concerned and it's hard not to be.  It's very comforting to know that you feel that way when it comes to your children, and I know this place is a great place to be, but I'm concerned for you too.  I really think you need "in person" support - even if it's NA or AA as you talked about - and those are free.  And it would get you out of the house for a bit while you're feeling like this.  Please Kels give it some serious thought.  And please tell me you haven't taken any of those pills today right?  And I think IB only meant that that kind of drug, that "speedy" kind of thing, can do real damage to your heart and seeing a Dr. is NOT a bad idea - and sometimes those walk-in clinics are just as good and don't cost nearly as much.

Sorry IB I don't mean to speak for you.  What do you think Kels - did you find out more about those meetings yet?

[Kelseago]

First off I will never do anything to my kids.  Second I'm not going to the ER for anger.  It's just my WDs.  It goes in waves.  I have no help. I'm fairly new to this town.  I don't have the $ or insurance to go somewhere.  I come on here to vent out so I don't keep it in and explode at home. I won't post any more vents. Sorry

[dedicatedtostop]

I second that. Please take a deep breath and calm down. Children are so innocent. Do you have anybody that you can call that may be able to help you?? PLEASE do this for them!!

[IBKleen]

I have to suggest that you get an appointment with your doctor and get honest. I think you could benefit from his/her help.

Yesterday you stated that you took a bunch of pills and were with the children and today you are with them again and now angry.

Please, get some help. If you cannot do it for you---please do it for the children. They have no choice and are subject to your mood swings and erratic behavior. It is not fair to them, as I said---they have no say in this. They also don't deserve this.

Help yourself and you will help them. I truly hope you get to the doctor or ER if you need to.