Day 9-serious question! Need advice

[kentuckyhelp]

Well here I am at day 9!  At the moment feeling good, but my moods come and go.  I guess that is normal.  Just get that dark feeling sometimes especially at night.  
Well my question is this, need some opinions.
I am sure many of you can relate to this.  During my selfish escapades the last year I neglected my wife emotionally.  Now I thought I was there and myself, apparently I was not.  I can tell this now that I have been clean 9.5 days.
What hit the fan with all of this coming out was finding out my wife was about 2 seconds away from an affair.  She only took it as far as an emotional thing with a guy not living in the same state.  Typical internet stuff I will just leave it at that.
Now I at first had a hard time weighing our two sins.  To me it felt like she had done a greater damage to our relationship since it was intimate.  But the further away from the pills I get, the more I see the two weighing the same.  I lied, cheated, deceived, was selfish, went behind her back too with something else, pills.  So what is really the difference.  She was trying to fill the emothional loss I gave her.  So in a lot of ways I don't blame her.  Thankfully we are getting through this and she has been my number one supporter and has really helped me through this.
Just wanting some opinions on the situation.  Do you think we both equally did wrong?  And yes we are seeking counsel now.
Thanks for listening.  

[LeaAnn807]

Congrats on your clean time!  You both did some things wrong, and since you are going to counseling, I think that it really doesn't matter what each one did.  There is no since in concentrating on that.  Concentrate on moving forward if that is what you both want.  

Counseling is a GREAT step!  Just hang in there!

[justneedtotalk]

My situation is very similar to yours.....My wife knew at some point I was on prescribed pain medication but had no idea I had furthered my addiction WAY past my doctor.  My wife did not almost cheat but I can relate to that comforarable fog that only allows for us to be in the bubble and everyone else is just colateral damage.  

I think you have to cut yourself some slack....Consider yourself lucky!  You were able to come clean BEFORE your wife furthered her realtionship and is now a big supporter.  You guys might want to attend some mutual drug counceling.....There they will teach you and your wife that your additction is a disease....Yes, we choose to abuse them but the addiction is outside of our direct control....The only thing we can do is what you are doing.....Getting clean, making it right with your wife, and learning how to prevent relapse.  Everyone on this site always talks about time.....Time WILL HEAL ALL WOUNDS!  The bad thing about time is that you have to be patient and not put too much pressure on yourself until you get some significant sober time under your belt.....I am only on day 12.5 and I defintely am feeling better each day...My relationship with my wife is getting better and better.....My labido is coming back as well.....I think you can honor your wife by working your program, staying sober, and working on your relationship through counceling....by the time you get all of the way sober, I bet you your relationship with your wife will be equally strong!  Do what I do......keep posting, do not use, and F those pills!!!!

God Bless!

[ImDONENoMore]

That seems to be one of the many isssues that comes along often from drug abuse.  As we all know only too well, we aren't only hurting ourselves in devestating ways, but our loved ones as well (although we chose to ignore that during our using days because we were HIGH and chose the drugs over EVERYTHING else).

And I don't think it really matters about who did what, and who hurt the other one more nor spending any time trying to figure out if what each of you did made each of you "equally wrong".  Loss is loss, pain is pain - for both of you.  So I think she deserves a chance to get to know YOU again, and you both deserve a chance for the two of you to reconnect.  You can't expect miracles as it will take some time.  But as long as you're both committed to making it work, I think it will be WORTH it.  Good luck to you.  :)