How to CONFRONT someone

[alienshadow]

Sorry to post here i am not an addict . I dont do drugs although i do drink every now and then . Anyway i just found out my brother is doing cocaine and i was told this from his girlfriend she told me this in confidence i would not say anything! I feel its my place to he is my younger brother who looks up to me . What should i do? I have just found this out i would not know if his irlfriend didn talk to my wife who though i should know As i understand he has become violent and abusive towards her. I will not stand for that he knows better any advice here would help before i do what i am about to do. Also i know for a fact he smokes weed on a daily basis along with alcohol abuse

[alienshadow]

she and her kids are with us right now i wont let her go back to that not right now and she dosent want to either

[flmagi]

There may not be much you can do about his addiction, but the abuse cannot be stood for. A person choosing to harm themself is one thing, but to harm another is not acceptable in any way shape or form.  The girlfriend may need help to remove herself from harms way.
Good luck to you all.

[alienshadow]

thanks to all of you i will keep you posted its going to be a long weekend

[malenurse57]

Just be there for him now is about the best you can do. Good luck and God bless

[lostdreams]

I totally agree with what everyone is saying! Addicts will lie through their teeth to save their own skin. We may say hurtful things to get you off our backs but like cathy said...please dont take it personally!

I personally wish that someone would have confronted me about my addiction, i was too soft to tell them but i'm sure with enough support and love around me i would have gave in and admitted all. Yeah, i would have prob. lied for a while but i personally desperately wanted someone in my family to ask me, i had hit rock bottom and needed the support. However it didnt happen...lol

When you do decide what to do and the best action to take, just remember he is going to need you so much. The support is important! Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Take care

[alienshadow]

i have tryed to slow down i feel as i am in a bad position he knows better than this
i have talked with someone about this and they say the best thing to do is let him get caught by the cops which will happen here that way he cant blame me for anything and i know he would not have the money to post a bond it might help it might not
he was high today i could see it in his eyes i felt for him but all i could do was tell him what i thought and let it be

[cathy5841]

you can have him committed, but they will only keep him 3 days.  that is not enough to help him.  he will be very upset with you.  sre you willing to rish your relationship with him.  i have seen it happen.  it is the nature of an addict to lie and downplay it, dont take it personally.  you are in a difficult position.  slow dawn and take a deep breath, before you act.
cathy

[alienshadow]

okay guys i have just gotten back from this shitt he downplayed the whole thing so i went off on him because i know its true
finally i went to his bedroom in there he had 2 friends hiding can you believe that and i found his stash and i took it and flushed it down the toliet all hell broke loose maybe my mistake but i felt it was right
i did find out i can have him involuntary committed and i think thats what i will do please excuse me if i sound so mean or like an a s s sorry
this is my only brother and i wont sit back and watch it it is funny how someone can hide it i never knew he worked with me everyday i did notice he would get ill really quick but hey dont we all
so i guess i will seek help for him he will hate me at first but just maybe he will see its best i am lost because i just have found out WHAT scares me is he has become abusive towards his girlfriend and i would hate for her to get hurt or the kids and i dont want DSS to jump in this at all PLEASE TELL ME I AM THINKING STRAIGHT

[12gauge]

Friend999 is right about addiction being more strong than love "can be."  I was willing to see my wife and child go.  It was almost a pleasing thought to know that nobody would any longer be standing in my way.  Love can win in the end though.  It's what finally turned my head around.  It took far too long, BUT if it wasn't for my wife I'd be lost by now.  

[confused456]

Very good point Nauty!!!!!!

[NautyOne]

Sometimes we really don't know whether someone wants help or not unless we do confront them.  I have heard of many cases of people dying because nobody intervened.  to just assume someone can't be helped unless they want it ...is not always true.  Thats a very daunting statement to me.  Thats what intervention is all about.  Most people who are confronted by way of intervention "dont want it" but learn thru love and respect of family and friends that they really do.  A lot of addicts don't know what they want or in fear of "wanting it"  and how to get help.  Arm yourself with as much information before you bring up the subject, rather than "Confront" him.  He is your blood.  I say confront him in a manner in which you know only yu can because he is your brother.

I wish you all the best.

Nauty.............

[Friend999]

It's been an hour since your last post, so I don't know if you went over to your brother's house yet, or not.

I am not an addict, but I have a friend that is.  When I learned of her addiction (oxycontin), I found out some things about it, confonted her, and made some mistakes.  Since then, I have learned a lot, mostly by reading on this forum for months.  I have been trying my best to "get inside her head" so to speak, so I would know how to act.  I know that a non-addicted can never really know how an addict thinks, but knowing some things helps.

So, in short, I am suggesting that before you confront him, please gain more knowledge.  The possibility of success rate will increase.  One thing I have learned, of many things, is that the power that the cocaine has over him is more powerful than you can imagine.  It is more powerful than love (even for a spouse, or children, let alone brothers).  Please take the time to read the posts on this forum.  There are many wonderful people on this site who's drug of choice was cocaine, and many will post, and reply to your questions.  Ask questions, they truly want to help you.

...and lastly, you will find that helping an addicted person is very, very hard to do.  It will be very frustrating for you   At least know what you are dealing with (and by asking your original question, you started right), so that when you look back at your efforts, successful or not, you can say you did the best you could, with as few mistakes as possible.

My very best to you!

Friend999

[LIZZIE LOU]

hey G...

i have to agree that your brother is more than likely going to deny to the end.  IF, by some chance, he decides to fess up...you can bet your arse that he will not be truthful about the extent of his use...and will try to downplay it.  there is nothing that an addict hates more than to be confronted...so hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

[malenurse57]

I beat coke 14 yrs ago. I didn't have a problem with coke everybody had a problem with my coke so tah is the kind of attitude you will be facing. Until he is willing to face his problem you are going to spitting into the wind. I do agree though that if everyone who cares for him confronts him @ one time it may be overwhelming enough to open his eyes BUT be prepared for him to go deeper as now nobody understands and are all out to get him. Good luck and God bless.

[alienshadow]

i will i know hes been through alot but i hate that he has resorted to this habit i will let him here me i wont talk to him while he is high it just wont work that way plus he can become violent and i would hate to have to resort to that it would be uncalled for

[tommm70]

Just be ready for him to deny, deny, and deny, and attempt to tell you how wrong you are, and he is in complete control. You could also do an intervention with all of you present and each of you telling him how his drug abuse is hurting your relationships.

It is a tough spot, and and cathy said, if he doesn;t want help, hes not gonna hear a thing you Just be ready for that, and keep telling him how much you guys love him.

[alienshadow]

Well i have called him and told him we need to talk but he dosent want to so i guess i will drive to his house and see if he will talk ill keep you posted

[cathy5841]

i dont have any advice on how to confront him.  but i do have some words for you.  if your brother does not want help...you cant help him.  as addict i was in denial and would really laugh if talked to about it.  i was just having fun...litle did i know that fun would come to own me.  in th end i wanted help and no one had to confront me.  i was begging for it.  good luck and let us know how it goes.
cathy

[avisg]

alien,
Welcome  everyone is welcome on the forum .We have a lot of family members here .
I think since he looks up to you ,then you are the perfect one to talk to him.
Tell him of your concerns , let him know you are not judging  him .Your here to help him get any help he needs . Hearing it from someone other then his girlfriend might be just what he needs. He may get  defensive many people who abuse drugs and alcohol do. I would try that first. A friend of mine video taped her spouse when he was drunk ,waited until he was sober to show it to him ,that was a big eye opener for him.