Aa
Can I do this alone?
I am in tears right now and feeling helpless. I have every reason to quit taking pills. Great family, amazing friends and feel I am a good person. How I got into this situation still has me kicking myself. My story is not much different than anyone elses I've read here, just thought I had magically escaped the addictive gene that plages my entire family. I can't confide in my husband as he doesn't get it and does not have tolerance for addiction at all. I guess I am just looking for support. I have been watching this site for a year now and ready to jump in. Any words of encouragement would be a blessing right now. Thanks.....
You are a very strong person and have a wonderful husband at your side. So proud of you for flushing that pill. I know you must have mentioned, but how long were you taking pills for? Did your family and friends know and were they always precribed? That is what I want back is my mental focus and easy spirit. I can't stand filling my brain with a pill schedule. I want to do this on my own terms than be out of town, without pills,support and completely lose it. I know my dose doesn't seem high to many, but every morning I wake feeling like lead, a stuffed up nose, etc. until I take a pill. It just amazes me what effect these pills has had on my body and my life. Ok, going to read more post as they invoke fear in me ,but are making my desire to stop stronger. You are a complete doll for taking your time to send. Thank you, keep up the good work. You are going to beat this , I can tell.
Oh God, I just read your post and panic washed over me . I am not overly religious, but have been praying so hard in the middle of the night about this. I do know this needs to end, but the knot in my stomach at the thought is overwhelming. Thanks for the push, going to keep reading post for affirmations. So appreciate your words.
Ok, update..I flushed that pill and my husband watched me do it and is so proud of me! His support is 50% of the outcome I feel.
I am now at hour 44 almost (I think that's right.) We just went to the grocery store and did the weeks groceries, my legs are sore and lethargic, I will admit. I have little energy, but I know its getting better. I agree with Sara, don't be scared, get a plan and get started. I cannot tell you how strong I feel mentally, I'm beginning to smile again. My tears are further apart, I promise to be here for you through this. xx
I am now at hour 44 almost (I think that's right.) We just went to the grocery store and did the weeks groceries, my legs are sore and lethargic, I will admit. I have little energy, but I know its getting better. I agree with Sara, don't be scared, get a plan and get started. I cannot tell you how strong I feel mentally, I'm beginning to smile again. My tears are further apart, I promise to be here for you through this. xx
COMMUNITY LEADER
How about making your start date right now? The quicker you get this over with the better. Dont fear the wd's, fear what will happen to you if you continue. There is no happy ending with using~~~sara
BTW, I too have a son starting college this Aug. and have the SAME fear! You are so right, there is never a good time, but you are almost there. I am still a fraud. I completely get flushed when the subject of pill abuse comes up. You have had the courage to admit and act. Talk later....
I keep losing my connection here. Running out the door, but just wanted to say PLEASE give that pill to your husband. You do not want to be where I am mentally right now. You have done so very well. You are inspiring me and I feel our situations truly mirror each other.....more later. STAY STRONG!
I just cleaned the kitchen, put a load of laundry on and I feel "ok". I'm experiencing dizziness but the aches are starting to very slowly subside, but I can see a light at the end of the tunnel... I'm shocked...I feel less pain right at this moment than I did when I actually took these pills for pain!! THESE PILLS CAUSE PAIN, THEY ARE LIKE THE DEVIL MAKING YOU COME BACK FOR MORE! I'm convinced!! I consider myself a Christian, I believe in God etc etc, but by no means am I a preacher, however, I must say If I have ever seen a form of the devil in my life it would be these pills!!!
I'm sorry to bore you with hour by hour updates, but like writing in a journal, this is helping me so much.While cleaning my dresser and makeup bag I found a vicodin, just one, but there it was sitting staring at me. I wish I could tell you that I flushed it, but I threw it back in the bottom of the makeup bag, there you have it...my first sign of weakness, it happens. Iam now sitting in (yet another) hot bath and hope I have the courage to flush it when I get out.
I too developed a higher tolerance to wine/beer while on these pills, I could drink forever and not get "drunk". I wonder why that is? But you know what? I haven't had any alcohol since my last pill either and truly don't want any. This too is making me very happy.
Well, I will stop rambling. Please stay in contact with me, its always easier to get through things when you know other people are going through it too.
Also, regarding your tennis commitments...without sounding rude, there will always he a commitment of some kind stopping you from this detoxing. Just remind yourself that all plans can be changed, I too have a huge commitment to go apartment hunting with my 19 year old as he is entering his Sophomore year in College and is THRILLED to he out of the dorm, his College is five hours away and I have been PETRIFIED to make the trip without my pills but I know I will be able to do it. We leave in about a week for 2-3 days of searching. He knows I'm going through this, he and my husband both. It has been strength for me. I wish you could confide in your husband :-(
Stay strong and remember, I'm here right beside you along with some awesome people in this forum!! And I'm only 40 hours in!
I'm sorry to bore you with hour by hour updates, but like writing in a journal, this is helping me so much.While cleaning my dresser and makeup bag I found a vicodin, just one, but there it was sitting staring at me. I wish I could tell you that I flushed it, but I threw it back in the bottom of the makeup bag, there you have it...my first sign of weakness, it happens. Iam now sitting in (yet another) hot bath and hope I have the courage to flush it when I get out.
I too developed a higher tolerance to wine/beer while on these pills, I could drink forever and not get "drunk". I wonder why that is? But you know what? I haven't had any alcohol since my last pill either and truly don't want any. This too is making me very happy.
Well, I will stop rambling. Please stay in contact with me, its always easier to get through things when you know other people are going through it too.
Also, regarding your tennis commitments...without sounding rude, there will always he a commitment of some kind stopping you from this detoxing. Just remind yourself that all plans can be changed, I too have a huge commitment to go apartment hunting with my 19 year old as he is entering his Sophomore year in College and is THRILLED to he out of the dorm, his College is five hours away and I have been PETRIFIED to make the trip without my pills but I know I will be able to do it. We leave in about a week for 2-3 days of searching. He knows I'm going through this, he and my husband both. It has been strength for me. I wish you could confide in your husband :-(
Stay strong and remember, I'm here right beside you along with some awesome people in this forum!! And I'm only 40 hours in!
Quick hey back to you, My family is stirring. I will let you know of my start day. Not sure whether to taper as i still have pills or go cold turkey. I have some tennis commitments coming up that I would have a hard time getting around as well as company coming in, but if my depression about this situation gets any worse, I can't take it. I totally get the bed thing you mentioned. What great advice! I am going to do all my homework and get all the supplies I need today. Just said a prayer for you and your accomplishments so far. How amazing you are in the thick of it and willing to reach out. Many thanks.
Wow, I can see why you had to end the cycle as well. I feel fairly strong willed and if I was told I would be in agony for a EXACT amount of time, I think I'd be fine. It is the not knowing and fear. My husband did have a talk with me a few weeks ago about his concern for my lack of energy. I blamed hormones etc., but he definatly has seen a change in me over the last year.I am upset like you are over the amount of time I have wasted of my kids lives having my mind on these ridiculous pills. Although I function ok, I am not the person, wife , mother, friend I was. I also increased my wine intake as my dosage increased? Basically I feel sic on the meds and sic off of them. I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate all your wise words.
I started at 5 pm Friday night after work (we own our own business but I will be able to take some time off thankfully for a supportive husband) anyway, I started the minute I got off work with the hope that I would endure the worst of it over the weekend. The first 24 hours were tough, I won't lie, I lived in the bath and in the bed and bath and bed, the bath helped a lot! I got a script of Ambien and Xanax to help me with the highly anxious moments and sleep deprivation which has helped, but I am watching both of those meds closesly because I don't want to swap over to a different addiction. I took ibuprofen for the first 30 hours religiously, my legs hurt a lot, but last night I got 5 hours sleep and I do definitely feel better (not "functioning great") today. I took my vitamins this morning and put a B12 under my tongue and that has helped. One thing I found, and this may sound stupid, but I keep my bed made and just lie on top of the covers, it psychologically makes me feel less sick that way, crazy I know, its just that if you lay in an unmade bed, have gatorades and meds and cool towels on the bedside table it just makes you feel rotten! I only get into bed when I feel sleepy. And I make myself walk to the kitchen when I want a drink. Helps.
Its getting easier. I may force myself to drive my dog down to the river for a swim today, not for long, but just to get out. It's the little things that are getting me through, and this support group of course. Let us know more, maybe we can help with your start date plan?
Its getting easier. I may force myself to drive my dog down to the river for a swim today, not for long, but just to get out. It's the little things that are getting me through, and this support group of course. Let us know more, maybe we can help with your start date plan?
Oh i feel great now, i'm 30 plus days clean! Very happy about that!
Why did i quit? Because i had filled a bottle of 180 pills and on day five i was almost out, i was shocked i had taken all of them and i realized i had a HUGE problem. Then i figured out how many milligrams of tyelnol i was taking and realized i was killingmyself!
Getting through your day, yes you can. I did i had to drive and go to work and be normal, but i was SOOOOOO mentally determined to do it that i just forced myself to plow through the day, but see i'm a VERY determined and VERY stubborn person and i used that to my advantage, so it can totally be done. Your going to want to sit there and roll up into a ball for the first couple of days but you just CAN'T you have to move and be nice to yourself. The first 24 hours for me weren't the worst it was day three that was bad, but i turned it around by taking a really long walk and the exercise became my tool because exercising makes you feel better because you release your natural endorphines. You can totally do anything you want to IF your head is in the right place, you CANNOT sit there and feel sorry for yourself because it'll make it all worse.
I am a success because i WILL NEVER take another pill EVER again, i used all that crappy feeling and turned it into hate for the pills. I DESPISE those pills for stealing my life. And let me tell you this site is a godsend, because people here do NOT judge, we'd all jump down on any person who judge. Lets face it no one is here because of their stellar decision making abilities, right? lol so who's to judge!!
Why did i quit? Because i had filled a bottle of 180 pills and on day five i was almost out, i was shocked i had taken all of them and i realized i had a HUGE problem. Then i figured out how many milligrams of tyelnol i was taking and realized i was killingmyself!
Getting through your day, yes you can. I did i had to drive and go to work and be normal, but i was SOOOOOO mentally determined to do it that i just forced myself to plow through the day, but see i'm a VERY determined and VERY stubborn person and i used that to my advantage, so it can totally be done. Your going to want to sit there and roll up into a ball for the first couple of days but you just CAN'T you have to move and be nice to yourself. The first 24 hours for me weren't the worst it was day three that was bad, but i turned it around by taking a really long walk and the exercise became my tool because exercising makes you feel better because you release your natural endorphines. You can totally do anything you want to IF your head is in the right place, you CANNOT sit there and feel sorry for yourself because it'll make it all worse.
I am a success because i WILL NEVER take another pill EVER again, i used all that crappy feeling and turned it into hate for the pills. I DESPISE those pills for stealing my life. And let me tell you this site is a godsend, because people here do NOT judge, we'd all jump down on any person who judge. Lets face it no one is here because of their stellar decision making abilities, right? lol so who's to judge!!
Ok, I've finally stopped leaking tears and feeling hopeful. I have always been the "normal" one and "responsible" one in my family growing up and now. Admitting that I have this problem is like wetting my pants in front of a million people (ego, I know). I did pull the flu thing a few months ago in an attempt to quit, but one thing after another came up and my husband had to leave town, so ....yup, I popped a pill and got moving. That led to more scrips and more inner ashamed defeat. How long have you been off the pills? How long did it take you to feel like your old self again? Looking at a calender now for a date. Sick and excited at the same time. Thank you.
Oh Man, You are inspiring me. When you feel better, please tell me what made you finally quit? How bad is the 1st 24 hours. Can I still function and do my day to day? I do not work outside the home, but have other duties that are physical (I'll explain later). Sometimes I feel as if I'm having a heart attack from being so physical while on these pills. I am so proud of you for jumping in and can not wait till I'm there. Please hang in there. I need your success story!
Ok, so you definetly came to the right place. Yes you were experiencing withdraw and not pleasant at all. But if you really want to quit you can do it, you have to really really want it but yes it can be done. I went thru almost the whole first two weeks with nothing more than this site and i kept it a secret from my husband. i did tell him after the first two weeks because i was so determined to never take another one i used him as a safety net to make sure i never got into this spot again.
I know your scared when i FINALLY admitted i was addicted, a druggie all those things i couldn't beleive i was i was devastated, and just lost it and fear comsumed me thats when i found this site. The people here are fantastic and so helpful.. On the top right of you screen is the health pages, look up the thomas receipe and the amino acid protocol. both help alot!
I beleive that detox is 30% physical and 70% mental, and your mind will make detox better if you put the effort into it and stay positive! Your life will come back to you and you'll feel 100% better when your clean andyour reall feelings come back and its great!!
So my advice is to pick a date and quit. Everyone is entitled to have the flu for a week and so are you and that's what your symptoms will be like. Just imagine being 100% there for your family! How great right?
Good luck!
I know your scared when i FINALLY admitted i was addicted, a druggie all those things i couldn't beleive i was i was devastated, and just lost it and fear comsumed me thats when i found this site. The people here are fantastic and so helpful.. On the top right of you screen is the health pages, look up the thomas receipe and the amino acid protocol. both help alot!
I beleive that detox is 30% physical and 70% mental, and your mind will make detox better if you put the effort into it and stay positive! Your life will come back to you and you'll feel 100% better when your clean andyour reall feelings come back and its great!!
So my advice is to pick a date and quit. Everyone is entitled to have the flu for a week and so are you and that's what your symptoms will be like. Just imagine being 100% there for your family! How great right?
Good luck!
I'm in almost my 40th hour and have hardly left my bed...its grueling, but each hour I know that I am one step closer to being free. I feel euphoria (as well as in pain if you know what I mean). We can do it. Plan for your detoxing tho, make sure kids and hubby can handle you being down and sick for a few days, at the moment just let them think its stomach flu, withdrawal has the same symptoms almost. For the amount you are taking I would assume that it will be a slightly quicker withdrawal, however, everyone is different yes. I'm in my early stages but I'm here for you. Take Care. Chat soon.
I had foot surgery about 4 years ago and was precribed vicoden for the after pain. It made me horribly sick so I would take only 1/4 of a pill at a time. I actually hated the pills but they were very effective. Months later I hurt myself playing tennis and again was precribed the same pills, fast forward...My gyno precribed vicaprofin(sp) for cramps in unlimited supply and I think that is when I got hooked. The sick feeling from forst taking them went away and I got an incredible euophoric energy boost. I continued to take and increase as my stress level increased. My mom passed away after I cared for her, I had a hysterectomy, I could go on and on. Basically I take 4-5 vicoden a day. I am not sure what milligrams , I'd have to look. I just know when I miss a does I get very shakey, sweaty,weak and anxious. I came to this site last year trying to figure out what was causing my symptoms and realized it was WITHDRAWAL! Sorry for the excess words. You have no idea how happy I am to have logged on. With this support I think I have a shot. Thank you.
Your words make perfect sense and hit me deep as my friends and kids are my world. Of course I am crying harder and hoping my husband stays sleeping till I can pull it together. What started out as taking vicidon for legitimate pain has begun to rule my mind and body. You are also spot on about me not having the energy or strength to reveal until I'm better. He as well as my family would be floored at the news. I can already see me retreating from lifetime friends that have it all together, cause I am alittle envious I guess. Thank you so very much for your post. I needed that motivations so bad right now. I know it is an excuse, but for me to drop out of life for even 3 days right now would be very hard. I will figure this out with help. Thanks again.
Can you tell us some more about what you were taking and how much and for how long?
So we can give you better advice and help! Great job with making the decision to quit that's a very hard realiztion to voice!!!
So we can give you better advice and help! Great job with making the decision to quit that's a very hard realiztion to voice!!!
I feel your pain. And you are lucky that the pills haven't affected your good friendships yet because they will, you will become a prisoner and start to let no one in. Don't cry sweetie, use that energy to start the process. You have the support to quit, and if you can't confide in your husband during the detoxing just say its a stomach bug...for now...just till your mind and body is healthy enough to tell him the truth. It's easier to explain an addiction to a loved one with a clear head.
Iam in my 38th hour off a 10-12 Norco a day habit, its rough, its everything you read about, but it can be done and if nothing else this group is here for us.
Take care and stay in touch.
Iam in my 38th hour off a 10-12 Norco a day habit, its rough, its everything you read about, but it can be done and if nothing else this group is here for us.
Take care and stay in touch.
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