Aa
Can anyone help me..
Hi everyone I was on this site last summer when I kicked my first oxy habit for about 4 months, and ended up gaining so much confidence that I was able to convince myself that "one more time" wouldnt hurt anyone..boy was i wrong..last summer I quit doing 40-80 mg daily. That continued for my last year in college but now this summer I graduated and got a real job and started doing 120-160 mgs for the past few weeks. I just reached the point where every time I touch an oxy I am disgusted with myself. Doesn't do what it used to for me. Every time I wake up in the morning without them I throw up pure stomach acid. It is kinda like a one time thing and then I feel better, has this happened to anyone? Nobody close to me aside from a friend or two is aware of what I am doing and I want to quit without anyone knowing, do you guys think I can do this or will the wds be too bad? Last summer I worked thru my wds and it wasnt fun but I made it and I felt so good about myself for doing it. This time the wds will be worse, i know that, but I dont want to die, i have way too much to live for, and never intended on getting this deep. What can i do?
I've got a feeling about you man, in my mind, you already are done and moving on with your life. Below are a few quotes and sayings that have always helped me through the worst, alot of them are even framed in my oom!
***Everything you try to avoid about yourself will keep playing out insidiously in your life. This creates the perfect opportunity for you to embrace, love and heal this part of self.
***We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are.
***Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents which, in prosperous circumstances,
would have remained dormant.
***The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.
***Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.
***Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity.
***Worrying is the same as praying for what you don't want.
***Whatever we resist, persists.
Hopefully these are a quick pick me up. I love quotes, they so short, yet so packed with everything I need. God bless and goodnight. I'll keep a light on for you...
***Everything you try to avoid about yourself will keep playing out insidiously in your life. This creates the perfect opportunity for you to embrace, love and heal this part of self.
***We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are.
***Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents which, in prosperous circumstances,
would have remained dormant.
***The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.
***Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.
***Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity.
***Worrying is the same as praying for what you don't want.
***Whatever we resist, persists.
Hopefully these are a quick pick me up. I love quotes, they so short, yet so packed with everything I need. God bless and goodnight. I'll keep a light on for you...
Thanks for taking the time to respond, for some reason it is so uplifting when someone responds to you when you are feeling down..I have made it thru w/ds once before so I know I can do it, and at the same time I understand that the only reason I was able to do it was because I truly "wanted it"..and right now I want it ten times more than I wanted it then.
I have posted this in anothe thread, but I feel it could help you to read it. It is long, but I feel its worth it.
As a former RN, recovering serious IV fentanyl addict, and a suboxone user currently weaning off, I have interesting advice on how to make it through this. Please try not to dismiss this information as fluffy, idealistic, psycho babble. It cant be, because I am proof it is working. It is the only thing in my life I believe in without doubt, fear, or hesitation (Besides God LOL). And also, just because of what you are about to read, it does not mean I say forget about all the other ways to make this easier such as supplements, exercise, and other medications. I can discuss those options too, I wouldnt suggest a detox or self induced withdrawal without them.
First and most important, you have to sit down, take a deep breath, and make sure your mind is 110% focused and convinced that you CAN and WILL beat this. You cannot go into this half heartedly, this is your life, and it matters! Worrying constantly about your situation and all the reasons it will difficult, hard, and painful with almost certainly cause you to fail. It did for me many, many times. A wise man once told me that worrying is the same as praying for what you don't want. I have learned alot about cognitive behavioral therapy (The Secret, Law of Attraction, Holosync), you might have heard of these), and I cannot emphasize enough that you must VISUALIZE as much as humanly possible how beautiful your life will be once you complete your journey. Literally force yourself to FEEL how good it will be when you can live a life free of pills, crutches, and anything else we all use to make ourselves feel "normal." The one thing in this life I know for certain is that whatever you focus your time, thoughts, and energy on, WILL BE ATTRACTED INTO YOUR LIFE. This is a law, like gravity, and it works without fail. Trust it. Everything we all are experiencing right now in some way shape or form has been attracted into our lives by the way we view the world...the way we think! YOU and only you have the unbelievable authority to control your thoughts, and since everything in your life began with a thought, you can control and make it through anything if you learn (and in the beginning force yourself) to only think positively about your expereince.
I have read true observational studies about men in India that beg on the streets for every meal, have no money or possesions, and nothing we in America would call "going for them," yet this study reported these men are not only happy, but in a state of drug free bliss every second of everyday! Wow! Why? Because they are masters of doing what I am begining to discuss here for you. Those beggars never view their lives as miserable, hopeless, or lacking. They meditate and focus all their energy on bringing happiness into their lives, and so it has unfolded for them. Nothing in this world or universe for that matter has any meaning to it at all...except what we give it!!! Let that sink in, it really took me for a loop when I finally understood it! We give bad, good, and indifferent meanings to everything in our life, and that means, (you already know what coming) you can consciously choose to change the meaning of all these supposed "bad" expereinces such as withdrawal into a positive expereince that is going to make you a pillar of strength.
During withdrawal, if you consuistantly focus negatively on how hopeless it is, how you might relapse, how horrible your body feels, how you may never lead a free and happy life, and how this nightmare will never end....then that is EXACTLY what you will attract into your life. You will never escape this circus of addiction. From your thoughts come your feelings, and from feelings come your emotions, and in the end, this leads to your behaviors. The beautiful revelation I stumbled across and that you must come to realize and accept completely is that YOU have the CHOICE about how to view this challenge, so why not take a chance and choose to think positive and uplifting thoughts about your upcoming success? You WILL SUCCEED my friend! Believe it! How could negative thinking ever serve well you in the end? We are all so used to thinking in terms of "coulda, shoulda, woulda", and in general feeling powerless over everything that happens to us in our lives. And look, that is exactly what all of our lives have become at certain points - feeling powerless, hopeless, and miserable. Its easier said than done, believe me, I am no guru or master. I may have some of this knowledge, but I am human and struggle everyday to make it work for me. If you spend some time and analyze your thoughts and force yourself to think positive thoughts about yourself and how good it will feel when the journey is complete, you CANNOT fail.
I personally write down positive statements on post it notes, and have jotted a couple paragraphs on exactly how wonderful my life will be when I beat this addiction, and then force myself to keep reading it over and over, until it becomes engrained into my subconscious. And do you know what, IT WORKS! I would say I used to think about 90% negative thoughts, and 10% positive. Currently, I am only at about 50/50, but every part of my life has changed, yet nothing in the external world has changed. My circumstances are the same, but how I view them is changing, and it so beautiful to know I can change my life at any moment, by just changing the way I think. Live your life as if you have already beaten your addiction and the withdrawal, then, let the universe and God to do the rest. If you start this way, you absolutely, positively, CANNOT FAIL. I promise!
If you read through all of this, I thank you. It means alot, it is cathartic to get this all out. Think about all this as you go through the day. I am not trying to be pretentious or preachy, I am just so inspired and optimistic about how my life has changed, and I want to impart this to you so we all can conquer our addictions I can elaborate and help anyone else who wishes to learn more or has questions of any kind. May God bless you and give you the strength to realize the amazing power you hold within you that can change your life. Only if you so choose...
~Fentanyl_Fanatic
As a former RN, recovering serious IV fentanyl addict, and a suboxone user currently weaning off, I have interesting advice on how to make it through this. Please try not to dismiss this information as fluffy, idealistic, psycho babble. It cant be, because I am proof it is working. It is the only thing in my life I believe in without doubt, fear, or hesitation (Besides God LOL). And also, just because of what you are about to read, it does not mean I say forget about all the other ways to make this easier such as supplements, exercise, and other medications. I can discuss those options too, I wouldnt suggest a detox or self induced withdrawal without them.
First and most important, you have to sit down, take a deep breath, and make sure your mind is 110% focused and convinced that you CAN and WILL beat this. You cannot go into this half heartedly, this is your life, and it matters! Worrying constantly about your situation and all the reasons it will difficult, hard, and painful with almost certainly cause you to fail. It did for me many, many times. A wise man once told me that worrying is the same as praying for what you don't want. I have learned alot about cognitive behavioral therapy (The Secret, Law of Attraction, Holosync), you might have heard of these), and I cannot emphasize enough that you must VISUALIZE as much as humanly possible how beautiful your life will be once you complete your journey. Literally force yourself to FEEL how good it will be when you can live a life free of pills, crutches, and anything else we all use to make ourselves feel "normal." The one thing in this life I know for certain is that whatever you focus your time, thoughts, and energy on, WILL BE ATTRACTED INTO YOUR LIFE. This is a law, like gravity, and it works without fail. Trust it. Everything we all are experiencing right now in some way shape or form has been attracted into our lives by the way we view the world...the way we think! YOU and only you have the unbelievable authority to control your thoughts, and since everything in your life began with a thought, you can control and make it through anything if you learn (and in the beginning force yourself) to only think positively about your expereince.
I have read true observational studies about men in India that beg on the streets for every meal, have no money or possesions, and nothing we in America would call "going for them," yet this study reported these men are not only happy, but in a state of drug free bliss every second of everyday! Wow! Why? Because they are masters of doing what I am begining to discuss here for you. Those beggars never view their lives as miserable, hopeless, or lacking. They meditate and focus all their energy on bringing happiness into their lives, and so it has unfolded for them. Nothing in this world or universe for that matter has any meaning to it at all...except what we give it!!! Let that sink in, it really took me for a loop when I finally understood it! We give bad, good, and indifferent meanings to everything in our life, and that means, (you already know what coming) you can consciously choose to change the meaning of all these supposed "bad" expereinces such as withdrawal into a positive expereince that is going to make you a pillar of strength.
During withdrawal, if you consuistantly focus negatively on how hopeless it is, how you might relapse, how horrible your body feels, how you may never lead a free and happy life, and how this nightmare will never end....then that is EXACTLY what you will attract into your life. You will never escape this circus of addiction. From your thoughts come your feelings, and from feelings come your emotions, and in the end, this leads to your behaviors. The beautiful revelation I stumbled across and that you must come to realize and accept completely is that YOU have the CHOICE about how to view this challenge, so why not take a chance and choose to think positive and uplifting thoughts about your upcoming success? You WILL SUCCEED my friend! Believe it! How could negative thinking ever serve well you in the end? We are all so used to thinking in terms of "coulda, shoulda, woulda", and in general feeling powerless over everything that happens to us in our lives. And look, that is exactly what all of our lives have become at certain points - feeling powerless, hopeless, and miserable. Its easier said than done, believe me, I am no guru or master. I may have some of this knowledge, but I am human and struggle everyday to make it work for me. If you spend some time and analyze your thoughts and force yourself to think positive thoughts about yourself and how good it will feel when the journey is complete, you CANNOT fail.
I personally write down positive statements on post it notes, and have jotted a couple paragraphs on exactly how wonderful my life will be when I beat this addiction, and then force myself to keep reading it over and over, until it becomes engrained into my subconscious. And do you know what, IT WORKS! I would say I used to think about 90% negative thoughts, and 10% positive. Currently, I am only at about 50/50, but every part of my life has changed, yet nothing in the external world has changed. My circumstances are the same, but how I view them is changing, and it so beautiful to know I can change my life at any moment, by just changing the way I think. Live your life as if you have already beaten your addiction and the withdrawal, then, let the universe and God to do the rest. If you start this way, you absolutely, positively, CANNOT FAIL. I promise!
If you read through all of this, I thank you. It means alot, it is cathartic to get this all out. Think about all this as you go through the day. I am not trying to be pretentious or preachy, I am just so inspired and optimistic about how my life has changed, and I want to impart this to you so we all can conquer our addictions I can elaborate and help anyone else who wishes to learn more or has questions of any kind. May God bless you and give you the strength to realize the amazing power you hold within you that can change your life. Only if you so choose...
~Fentanyl_Fanatic
thank you for your help..it just kills me every day that i picked up another pill after going through wds last summer and beating them. I was clean for close to four months. What was I thinking? Now my biggest fear is that its too late, but I cant think like that. I feel like I was just being a dumb kid trying different things. I dont drink at all and dont do other drugs have always been such a good kid which is why nobody around me suspects anything..Now I feel like I am fighting for my life.
The vic is much easier to taper with. I tried it with oxy the first time and it didnt work. The detox from even the lo amount i got down to was severe. I did the taper with norco and it went so much easier. Just take the tapoer slowly and let your body adjust to the lower amount before taperring again. Usually about a week between tapers. And dont lower to much at a time or you will just be in a constant state of wd.
I remember you too! It feels nice to know that you were here back when I was able to kick this nasty habit for a while. I can taper. I am actually going to get some vicodin to taper, since OC is a lot more intense, it's never easy to jump off directly from OC. This morning I have done just 20 mg at 7 am before work. Now I am at work and I feel fine, not high, just what I would deem to be normal. I want this more than anything in my life so far, and I know it will be hard. But I do have the fact that I have done this before on my side. I know it gets harder and my dose is a little higher this time, but whatever I was not put on this earth to do pills. I will probably just do the vikes for a few days until I feel as though oc is out of my system and then i will quit. Tapering is always tough!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Welcome back twolve. I remember you from before. Is tapering out of the question?
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