How??

[tippy1124]

I've read a lot on here.  One thing that I keep reading and hearing is that Oxycontin is only physically addictive, not mentally.  If it's not mentally addictive, then what the hell is wrong with me??  It's only my second day without it and the only thing keeping me from killing myself right now is my 6 year old son sitting here.  I can't stop crying.

[marcatj]

i don't know much about it either tIppy, so if no one catches this post since it's at the end, make sure you repost, k?

fyi - alot of us are using clonidine for w/d's which IS a blood pressure med.  used to lower b.p.  maybe you could call him back (the doc) and kill 2 birds with one stone - ?  just a thought...

hope you feel good today...
mj

[marcatj]

... I do know one person who uses Ultram for w/d's.... I think it's simlar to what your doc gave you.

she says it does definitely help her w/d symptoms... fyi...

[tippy1124]

Just an update really.  I finally took some advice and went to the emergency room.  Told the doc what was going on.  My blood pressure was extremely high again, so they gave me something to lower that, then they gave me a shot of Valium to calm me down.  I went in yesterday morning around 8:30AM and they kept me until 7AM this morning.  I have major problems with high blood pressure as it is and the withdrawals spike it even higher.  So high that the doc was scared I was going to have a heart attack.  I specifically asked him not to give me any narcotics, so instead they sent me home with something called Ultracet.  I read a little about it and it says it's "narcotic-like", but it has been working okay at controlling some of the withdrawal symptoms.  The only thing it's not helping at all with is the tremors.  I can't stop shaking.  I finally stopped crying early this morning and I'm not as depressed as I was before.  Still don't feel like doing much, but I guess that just goes with it.  I don't know much about this Ultracet, so if someone could tell me a little about it and maybe let me know if I'm doing the right thing by taking it.

[fishmeal]

Hi this is pre-written for new people… hope this helps:

It’s good to come clean with your doc concerning your desire to get off.  Ask him to prescribe clonidine, (not klonopin), and ativan.  These will help with sleep, RLS and anxiety.  These are best to try before formal detox and drugs like Suboxone.  I had to do formal detox because I tried everything else, including alcohol to get off and nothing worked for me.  Keep in mind that when you try… make it a good one!  Have some time off of work if you can… maybe a four day weekend or more.  Make the last day of work without any drugs, because the first day is usually the easiest.  Try your best to get clean and stay clean because the other methods require more potent drugs and you have to come off of those.  I am still on Suboxone and am a little worried about that… It does work well but the jury is out on, “At what Cost.”  I also learned while in detox, that the mind can psychosomatically create pain to “get’ the drug.  Another was that healing while using opiates greatly diminishes.  I would have sores on my hands that would take way too long to heal.
Best
Fish
I have to say this from the bottom of my heart,  Please do not keep playing around with these drugs they are very powerful ….. kinda like heroin in a pill and just as hard to get off once you attain the, "addicted" status.

[Journeymann]

I'm sorry your still hurting.   I'm afraid that I 'm not a good example today.  I took like 20mgs last night.   I feel so weak and embarassed.    I'm sorry that your man doesn't understand.   That makes it a lot harder.

My wife is ok about it.   She is completely straight edge.   She gets a little snotty about it.  Honestly, I work like a horse on hydro and I think she turns a bit of a blind eye as long as I'm bringing home the bacon and frying it up in a pan.

She was so so for wd.   I told her what was going on once I realized I might have to cut work to kick.   Only to find out I'd already spilled the beans when I was high.   Stupid Junky.

Well, I'm thinking about you.  I just didn't want to poison the flow with my junky self.   I'll be keeping an eye out for you.   Take care ok sweetie?   I might logon tonight again.   If not, I'll look for you in the morning.

[beachtowel]

I am very glad you picked up on that.....your are 100% right.........

Physical addiction and psychological addiction go hand and hand because drug use alters the brain in regards to making decisions and emotions.......

You start to lie, justify, steal.....things you would never do straight........
You start to believe that you do things better juiced than straight......
You finally put your drug of choice first over everything........including family, friends, kids......etc...

Your emotions can go to ice.......
In a crack house a beautiful blond will screw a fat ugly piece of garbage for some rocks if she was straight she would not give him a second look.....
Emotionally you don't give a s h i t about anything...........

any religious beliefs are surpressed........

This is why I say that quitting using is the easy part.........
after you stop using you still think like an addict......and that must change to.....

You hit the nail right on the head..........

[marcatj]

Tippy, I won't say much more, but hearing how severely depressed you are, and the language you are using to describe it, I really would consider getting into therapy asap - addiction or no addiction.

I'm sure there's alot of "why not's" but this is your life, and you don't have to live it wanting to die.

Please consider getting some sort of counceling or therapy, regardless of the pills..

take care,
mary

[tippy1124]

Well, I tired going to bed around 8pm and it's 10:30pm now.  I even took my Lunesta and couldn't stay asleep.  I did find out that the Lunesta actually calms down my wd's, so I'm not crying at the moment.  I just feel so bad for my son.  It was a definite struggle today just to make myself get up and feed him.  He's so sweet though.  He came over several times today to hug me because I was crying and he doesn't understand.  It breaks my heart.  I just have to keep telling him that mommy's sick today.  To your post, I'm always breathing hard and my heart races.  My blood pressure goes thru the roof.  I had to go to the ER for that just recently.  My BP was 199/97 and I passed out in the waitng room.  My fiancee lives here with me and he knows what's happening, but can be very insenitive to it sometimes (he's the one that woke me up tonight instead of letting me sleep through tomorrow).  I think it's because I am the one who did it to myself.  I wouldn't keep running out of my scripts every month if I didn't have to take that one more every few days.  Sad thing is, I have a script waiting to be picked up in the morning and I can't honestly say I'm not going to go get it.  I want off, my doctor doesn't want me off, but I can't keep wding with my son around to see how sad mommy is all the time.  I don't know if I should go back on until they taper me off or just keep going as I am.  It's hell and I really would like to just die at some points in the day...everyday.

[Journeymann]

Be careful.   Don't be too proud.   Keep posting.   Evidently, I'm not alone in my concern for you, here.   I will be offline for a few hours, but I'll check back in a bit.   Keep talking, it helps.

[Journeymann]

When I said don't drink anything, I meant alcohol.   Drink lots of fluids.   Just like the flu.

[Journeymann]

Ok, Tippy, it's not going to be an easy kick for you, but I think that you might be able to do it without a doctor.   Some of these guys have come off 160 mgs.+ without calling the men in the white coats.   That isn't a terribly long time of addiction, either.   Actually, as far as I can tell you are about a 4 or 5 out of 10 with 10 being death on how bad it might be for you.   Probably just a little worse than what I felt, I'm thinking.   However, it is going to be painful and you have to be careful.   If you start breathing hard or start to get a heart racy feeling you might want to consider calling somebody.   Don't drink anything, that makes it worse.   Eat lots of comfort food.   You might think about tapering a bit before you go cold turkey.   Some people just quit.   I didn't.   I went to a short acting agent (demerol) to help me sleep for several days before I went cold turkey.   Are you alone?   Does anybody but us and you know what you are going though?   You might want to tell somebody close, for sure.   I just feel so sorry for you, having just done it myself.   Don't feel ashamed about the emotions.   This is a very touchy feely group.   I think addiction might make you like that, you know?   I won’t b/s you, day 2 is just the beginning and it takes days.   Start looking for relief like day 4 or 5 but only in flashes and periods.   I really do think you might need to talk to somebody on your end, though.   Get some kid movies, really, they might distract you a bit.   Hell, I got teary eyed just reading your posts.   I wouldn't wish this on anybody.   Don't be the lone ranger.

[marcatj]

Honey... like I said above, this is what EVERYONE goes through. Please don't try to do much for the next couple days.. if you need to, tell everyone you have the flue.  No matter how hard you try, you are not going to get much done.. it's futile.

Please, please just tell everyone you're sick and give yourself a break for the next few days.  Trust me - you'll need it.  And THAT IS OK!!!!!! You are getting off pills - and good for you!!!

It's just gonna be sh**y right now.. but please call someone if you get those bad feelings.. you know which ones.

[bettersoon00]

Hang in there Tippy. Your post breaks my heart but your brain is trying to get you to take more meds. Yesterday was absolute hell for me and it was the kind words of people on this post that saved me. Set a goal and tell yourself that you just have to get through 1 day. And, there is no shame in seeking help from a doctor. A good doctor understands this and should not judge you. **** them if they do.

[marcatj]

Tippy.. you CANNOT force it.  That is why everyone says try to take 3-4 days minimum because that's what it takes for the physical w/d's... most of us didn't even get up out of bed for 3 days..

DO NOT FORCE IT AND GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK!  You are not going to accomplish much today, tomorrow and likely the next day.  Please just accept this - it is simply the way it is. Don't put a trip on yourself....

[tippy1124]

I'm okay right now.  I'm just afraid to be left alone without anyone here with me.

[tippy1124]

I was originally prescribed to take them 3x a day at 20mg each.  I admit I have on occasion taken 4 a day.  I've been taking them for...it will be a year October 12th.  I want so much to get up and do things with my son, but I am soooo depressed.  All I can do is sit here and cry.

[marcatj]

Tippy - listen to me.  If you are really thinking about hurting yourself you need to call 911 or go to the emergency room NOW.

PLEASE.  An hour or two of feeling embarrassed or whatever might try to stop you is not worth your life.  

PLEASE CALL OR GO NOW if you are really considering this.  PLease.. if you won't do it for you do it for your child.

Please..

[Journeymann]

Whoever said oxy is not "mentally addictive" is misinformed.   It's ALL mentally addictive, potentially.   Any opiate addiction is going to have both components, mental and physical.   The physical is bad, but the mental is longer.   I focused on my kids, as well.   If you can, take time off of work, treat it like a vacation with your kid.   Go do activities with low physical demands to get your mind off of it.  I watched a lot of movies with my kids while I was kicking.   Talk to your doctor about Xanax, but be very careful not to take them too long.   I started getting flashes of hope around day 4 or 5 but it really took 8 -10 days before I was feeling somewhat normal.  I still feel nervous sometimes at 10 days and that is evidently common.   How much were you taking?   Don't hurt yourself.   If you were taking over 100 mgs a day, you might want to see your doctor before you go cold turkey.   Hot showers help with the jitters, as well.   It IS mentally addictive!!!    Poor thing, it's not just you, ok?  

[marcatj]

Tippy.. you CANNOT force it.  That is why everyone says try to take 3-4 days minimum because that's what it takes for the physical w/d's... most of us didn't even get up out of bed for 3 days..

DO NOT FORCE IT AND GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK!  You are not going to accomplish much today, tomorrow and likely the next day.  Please just accept this - it is simply the way it is. Don't put a trip on yourself....

[tzt2lady]

They ARE mentally addicting!   All opiates are!!   Crying is part of the withdrawal process and it will pass.   Its like the (excuse the grossness) the diarhhea we get, EVERYTHING has been blocked up, physically and mentally and emotionally.  
My gosh, last time I cried so much at the drop of a pin.   I am a teacher and I watched a mom drop off her son who was smiling and quickly kissed his mama (looked so babyfaced)  but then turned to walk onto the middle school campus and got that "flat" "cool" look, trying to appear so grown up.   I busted into tears and had to get to my classroom quick.

Hallmark commercial, anything would set me off.  You are absolutely normal and this is part of the process.  You are in the thick of it and may be tomorrow too.  But then, by Friday, it should start to get better.  
Then, you will slowly return to who you really are and end up being a clear headed, quick thinking, playful parent to that 6 yr old little man you have there.
Best of luck to you and please post often
tzt

[tippy1124]

I'm trying so hard, but it just seems to get worse and worse.  I'm really scared to be left alone for fear that I might hurt myself.  I just keep trying to tell myself that it's the drugs.  I've never been this sad in my entire life.  I don't know what to do.

[marcatj]

... and if you want proof, go read the first 2 lines of Bettersoon))'s post, where she talks about the crying...

[marcatj]

It is absoltely mentally addictive!!  The first time I went off pain killers, btw, I cried off an on for at least 2 weeks. SOBBED, sometimes I couldn't stop..

If you are day 2 - you are IN IT. In every way - physical, emotional, mental - all of it.

But the crying is NORMAL.  I did it too, and I thought I was never going to stop.. finally, I just did.  It's part of the process.

You really will be ok... just know that this is part of the deal when you go off of these, and it DOES get better, I promise you that... I promise you.

This really is normal w/d behavior.  So hold on.... it will pass...