Withdrawing from oxys and subs? and pregnant

[takingmeback]

I'm currently a puddle of crying mess trying not to wake up my husband and baby.  I have been addicted to oxy anything for the past 7 years, with the exception of about a year (about two years ago) when I cleaned up, had a baby and then reverted...  I am currently 5 months pregnant and have been trying so hard to kick this stuff.  I was down to about 40 mg/day, not good, but has been worse!  My biggest issue is my husband, he is legitimately on pain management (and will be forever) due to permanent nerve damage.  So I know that the answer to all the pain/**** I am feeling right now is currently sitting up stairs next to my sleeping husband (in a safe, but he's asleep and I know it wouldn't take me long to find the key).  To add to this, I had back surgery about a year ago and being pregnant has very much made that issue come back.  So, I'm unable to sleep...  my back is killing me, and all I can do is lie there listening to his "sleeping noises" knowing I can very easily make myself feel better, and it's KILLING me!  

He has his moments of supportiveness, I know he is trying, it really can't be easy to be him, being married and in love with a woman who steals your pills.  I don't know how he manages them so well.  He only takes what he needs and always has extra come the end of the month, unless it's been an exceptionally cold icky month and he's been in exceptional pain.  He is truly dependent on them, but I would never call him an addict.  I'm so jealous.

I'm not sure what to do to get through this, I know that if I hang in there it will get better, but it's so hard to think in a couple of weeks I might start to feel "ok", but in a couple of minutes I can feel great, and sleep...  He has been doing what he can to help and got his hands on two 8mg subs for me.  I took 1 mg for 3 days, felt fine, found this site and thought better of what I was doing to myself.  Kind of like fighting a fire with a flame thrower.  I guess there really is no such thing as a "miracle" cure.  I guess we need to feel some pain to remind ourselves why to NEVER go back.

My doc has said she would rather see me on the oxy's than anything else I can take to make my back situation tolerable (including ibuprofen, muscle relaxors ect), but I can't see putting a baby through this in the first couple of days of her life, what a horrible way to start in this world!  You'd think that in itself would be enough to keep the demons at bay, but it's hard to keep working, and taking care of my 18 month old when I feel this way.  I have so much respect for everyone out there that has done just that.  You are truly AMAZING people.

At this time I'm not sure there is really anything I can do except suck it up, but if anyone has any suggestions, I am certainly all ears.  I've tried Benadryl to sleep, no such luck.  I've tried heating pads on my back, helps for a while, but not something I can do for any length of time due to the pregnancy.  I can't imagine what I'm feeling is any kind of w/d from the subs, I only took 3 mg over 3 days, but I'm sure that putting that into my system isn't helping my system "re-boot" after 7 years of narcotis.  I took my last 5 mg perc at 7PM on Friday afternoon, it's Wednesday night, I was really hoping the worst of it would be behind me, I'm afraid taking the subs has just drawn it out, and since they have one heck of a half life, the worst might be around the corner.  I'm not sure I can take much more...  

Sorry for the mini-novel, I just really needed to get it all out.  Any suggestions???

[Bethanysja11128]

Hello, Im not sure if you will get this message or not, I pray that you do.....but I just wanted to say THANKYOU for all your posts on Pregnancy and taking subs......I have been taking them for 2.5 years and am 38 weeks prg.  My concern is what if I have an epidural or c sec?  will the subs cause any probs?  ALSO my BIGGEST question is.....did u breast feed while on subs?  I saw that you wrote that one of your babies "latched on right after brith"...that is fabulous and I am hoping for the same thing....I love breastfeeding (I breastfed my daughter who is now 5 until she was almost 2!!)and hoping I can with this little guy.......it gives them a great start, and for me helps with bonding and reduces post pardom depression, which I had with my first son......it was terrible.  Thankyou so much, and BTW I lovef your profile pic.....u have a beautiful family...you are Blessed!!!!

my email is ***@****

Thankyou for any info u can provide
Blessings!!!

[takingmeback]

You have no idea (or actually, i'm sure you do) how comforting it is to hear that.  Not just the part that you have 3 healthy and wonderful children (though that is fantastic!), but that there is someone out there who doesn't just look down their nose and wonder what's wrong with me (God knows I wonder that about myself enough with out others weighing in).  I was very lucky with my first, I had been clean for 6 months when I got pregnant, and stayed that way until she was born, but then you get your first script after delivery AND you end up herniating 3 discs during delivery and the cycle starts all over again...  To clean myself up last time I actually had to leave my husband (and therefore my supply), it killed me, but knew I had to do it, and somehow this wonderful person totally understood, let me go and welcomed me back when i felt i could handle it.  I got pregnant right after I moved back in, and for me staying clean in that situation was so much easier than getting clean in the same situation!  Now that we already have a child together I can't just walk away again, I have to someone find the strenth to just say no (wouldn't Nancy Reagan be proud?).  It's such a blessing that your children did not experience any w/d's!  Someone was definitely looking out for you and your family ; )  I think that same someone will help you kick the subs, when it's time, and from the sounds of your last post - you're getting close to that time.  I can totally understand how totally overwhelming that must feel with 3 kids, especially with a 6 month old who relies on you for everything!  And know that you have been clean for the past 4 years, regardless of what others may say!

[takingmeback]

While that sounds very logical, I know me, and I know that I'm not "able" to control it that well...  if I could, probably wouln't be here to start with.  My biggest issue is that my husband has a script, and I apparently have no problem with raiding his when I run out of mine, so I KNOW if I take too many one day (and naturally tell myself I will just take less tomorrow, right??) that I'll end up in his bottle...  So instead of being down to 10 mg/day when the baby arrives, I'd be more likely to be at 60 mg/day when the baby arrives.

BTW - Today has been a week, a full 168 hours since I've had a perc.  Any idea when I'll actually be able to sleep again???  Oh, or how about when I'll stop with the cold sweats???  I realize it will be months before I get my energy back, but I could really use an actual night's sleep!!!

[LoandTansMom24]

I so know how you feel! I have 3 children. 4, 2, & 6 mths. My 4 yr old was a perc baby. That's terrible to say, but.......its the truth. However, I think I got lucky b/c 2 days before he was born (and it wasn't a scheduled C-section) I ran out of percs. My son was a very healthy 8lbs 6oz. And he did not suffer the 1st w/d. Call it a miracle! My 2 yr old and 6 mth old were sub babies. I took subs the entire pregnancy w/ BOTH of them and they BOTH were healthy babies who did not appear to suffer ANY w/ds. My 2 yr was 7lbs. 3 oz. and my 6 mth old daughter was born 6 wks early (due to other reasons) but she was still 5 lbs. 5 oz. and she had NO breathing trouble or eating problem. She latched right on to that first feeding! And she only stayed in the hosp for 4 days when they originally told us she would prob be there for a least 7 days and as much as 10. So, I know how you feel. It is VERY hard! And yes, there are people who think, "Well, if you loved your baby, you would stop." Oh that really gets me! LOL It has NOTHING to do w/ whether you love your baby or not, especially when you have another child to take care of. I'm glad to hear that your husband is supportive. My husband is, too and it does help. I've now been on the subs for 4 yrs. and I am really trying to get off. I thought to myself about a month ago.......U know, you haven't been completely off opiates since you've become a mom!! And I just want to be totally free of opiates and enjoy EVERY moment w/ my babies while they are little.

[morganave]

I am not a doc, but I think you have to decied to trust the doc you have.
If she says it is okay to take your percs, well then take them!!!  Now before everyone gets their unddie in a bundle let me explain.  You can take them as you really need them, that way you will begin to taper off of them and the baby will taper with you.
It is good the doc know because she will be able to help the baby when it is born.

As time goes on and you take less and less, you will feel much better about this before the babe comes.
Also having the doc know now will keep you fom losing your baby. Since the know, if the blood wrk comes back from the baby, it will not be a surpised.  Also, the percs are now a legal script.  That will keep you from any touble with the law.
You will be taking your baby home before you know.   Please keep us updated.
Morganave

[takingmeback]

So I did it, I called the OB this morning and she got me right in.  After 15 minutes of hysterics and her not being able to understand a word I was saying, I calmed down and we actually had a good talk, it wasn't nearly as painful as I thought it would be!  She was NOT happy that I had tried anything with out talking to her (the subs), but figured it probably really did help me feel better on the 3 days that I took it and that probably made it not so bad (especially since I only took a total of 3 mgs over 3 days).  I actually "woke up" this morning feeling slightly better (so there is a light erin, hang in there!).  HOWEVER she also gave me a script for percs, due to my back issues and to keep the stress levels down.  I DO NOT want to take them!  I'm starting to feel better, my back is an issue, but I can suffer with that for 4 months if it means that my baby isn't born with a physical addiction and doesn't have to spend the first week of her life in the same hell I've been in for the last week!  She wasn't insistent that I take them, but suggested it better to be pain free, BUT she handed an admitted addict a script for her DOC...  not good.  

[eringobragh]

I’ve been in Vicodin for years myself...I was taking a heck of a lot more then prescribed...anyway Saturday was my last handful of pills ill ever take again. Your one day ahead of me. I know it’s a battle everyday but its so worth having your life back. Freedom…jeez! You have a baby growing inside of you…do whatever it takes to make sure that baby comes out healthy! Call your Dr Tomorrow….really JUST Do It! It will be so worth it! Stay Strong!

[cattalina]

Of course it's hard - addiction, pregnancy, life in general. But don't use that as an excuse to fool yourself into thinking you can't do this. You are strong enough to do what's right here, you can make the call - you are going to. This is where you need to be totally selfless and not worry about anything but your baby's future. I can only imagine how difficult your situation must be - luckily I've never been in that spot, so it's easier (I'm sure) for me to tell you this than it is for you to believe it. It's so complicated, being an addict and being pregnant, there's so many emotions there for so many reasons. But you can do it - I know you can. Deep down I think you know you can too or else you wouldn't have posted looking for help right? Write it down on a piece of paper right now that you're calling your OB in the morning. May sound silly, but it's easier for us to accomplish goals once we see them written down...

[takingmeback]

I know you are absolutely right, it's just hard...  but at this point, there is nothing that is easy.  I know that things like stress and increasing blood pressure can be even worse on a baby than just about anything else.  As a mother I feel like I should just be able to do this, for my baby, and that's it's incredibly unfair and selfish to have put a child into this situation.  But I have, and now I have to do what is right for her, irregardless of how difficult it is for me...  I do know that I will not touch subs ever again.  From everything I have read here, the stuff scares the ever-loving life out of me.  Pray for a rash of courage to hit me tomorrow morning and for me to pick up that phone!

[cattalina]

I just have to ask you - did you consult with your OB before you quit the pills? I don't know a whole lot about pregnancy and opiates but I thought that the medical community didn't recommend quiting cold turkey or detoxing while pregnant as it can have negative effects on the baby? I really think you need to talk to your OB about a plan that will work for you and be healthy for the baby. Personally, I really don't feel comfortable giving you any other advice than that. However, I do feel comfortable saying don't take anymore suboxone!! No one really knows what kind of effects that has on a baby - hasn't been enough research done yet. Please call your OB tomorrow and be honest about your situation. That's the absolute best thing you can do ok?