Do I like the high?

[Frivolousz21]

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Addiction-Substance-Abuse/Day-8-Now/show/1103794?personal_page_id=886198&post_id=post_5085809

That is my first post.

I stayed clean for 56 days.

then I wen't to the Doctor...and I had a full blown brand new Pilonidal cyst...he lanced it and cut on my in three places....basically...I couldn't sit..so I was started on 5/500mg vics..30 of them..they were monitored by my GF....took them as directed...well..even after 66 days my tolerance wasn't zero..but they were somewhat effective....two more scripts came for 15 and 15.  Then it was surgery time..full blown.....took a long time to recover..I am now at the end of my recovery..and I still have more than has to come out...I was prescribed 7.5mg vics..then percs....for the unreal pain....I have been on meds now since Early Jan...everyday....8-10 7.5 mg percs per day.

The last few days I would wake up with little pain..see I would take a dose at 9 am, 1 pm, 5 pm, 9 pm..then overnight like 2-3 am..I woul take one...because when u wake up with that pain its hard to sleep..

So that is two..every four hours....then 1 overnight...

well I decided I was ready to get off this stuff for a bit..before my next surgery..it will be in about 2-3 weeks.....I wanted to get some clean time and get my tolerance to go down...you see..this time around..I never got that amazing buzz or high...just killing my motivation again.

well 2 nights ago.I took my bed time dose....then went to bed..I didn't take a dose overnight....I woke up at 4, 6, 8 am...sweating....by morning..I was in full blown W/Ds..that is crazy...before I would take that much over a 1-2 month period have little W/Ds.

since then..I cut my dosage down....I took 7 yesterday and have two today.

I have a few problems....I like the feeling of normal...I never chased the high for the last 2 months...today I got up and I could barely move..it was freaking rough.....taking a shower was rough...I took a pill an hour after I was up..and the relief was amazing...not relief from pain but from WDs..when it hit..I felt like a million bucks...now I had no desire to take more....or get high...the WDs came 2 hours later...by three hours they were making it hard to work....so I took another.

I am not looking for advice on tapering or quit..I know what will happen.

I will have more surgery...then be done...and have to quit or ruin my life again.

I am JUST SO MAD I AM HERE AGAIN..I KNEW WHEN I GOT CLEAN THAT I WOULD BE BACK ON THE JUICE FOR A WHILE..I AM SO ANGRY THIS IS MY SITUATION.



I have a script for 30 more 7.5 mg percs at the store waiting for me...

I see the Doctor on Friday and I am working 60-80 hours per week to get money to help pay for this....

I can't take off work to rehab for 2-3 weeks before surgery...but I know taking more will just build tolerance so when surgery time comes..I will end up on tens....

I plan on taking 6 per day...one every three hours until I have surgery...its not up to me...they are in someone elses control...hopefully that will stop tolerance building..I am so scared about the NITEMARE THAT LIES AHEAD.

[Frivolousz21]

You are dead right about that....I knew when I went back on I would be addicted...even if is controlled and lucky for me...my family made sure of that....but I sit and obsess over the W/Ds..I spend half my day checking the clock waiting for the next dose....ger the relief/rush...then it stops..and your in the waiting period where you are not technically high....but not W/D either..and you have to fight the urges of wanting more.

It helps a ton that is it out of my hands...but trust me....my GF doesn't know that I had a new script called in by the doc....she thinks this is it, until surgery....now I have to tell her I am physically dependent again and tell her that I waited over a day to come clean that I knew of it...and I fought getting it and "controlling it myself".

terrible.

[Back2Me]

I think it's our worse nightmare that we will HAVE to take this stuff
again for a real reason. It's one thing to THINK you can manage occasional use ( which we cannot) but another to pretty much know you might have to do it for real bad pain such as yours. And I don't know why exactly but it seems once you have been addicted physically it just seems easier and quicker for us to get re addicted physically. There is a medical reason I'm sure but i don't know what it is exactly. I know if I knew I had somthing coming up like you i would feel horrible. So I really feel for you and hope you  stay strong I know it must be terrifying knowing you hae to deal with this again. I cut my planned cut off day 2 weeks early because I was done. Yes I still have some rib pain but not enought to stay on for a day longer.

[Frivolousz21]

I know..thank you..I am not alone.

sometimes I wish it was booze...when I was young in college I drank 5-6 times per week.then every day for a while..and quit CT..no physical symptoms..just the urge to get drunk.

that passed quickly and I was fine.

I can't believe how powerful the opiates are.
unreal.

[Back2Me]

Man I know exactly what you are going through. I just got clean the 4th time and was determined this time. Opiates have just about ruined my life totally. Left a great paying job, about to lose my house, family in turmoil, all kinds of nasty. So I am really sick of this crap. Well anyway 10 days into my last attempt I broke my ribs sledding!  The pain was REAL and it was making me miserable. Anyway I self medicated for about a week before going to a doctor then I got a ton of perc's for it. Well after a little over 2 weeks of hitting it hard with oxy and perc's I am back here again detoxing. I hated the fact tha I had to take that garbage again every day but I am getting through it. I am going into day 4 tonight. It's no fun as you know. After only two weeks I had a huge tollerance and full blow wd's. But you have to do what you have to do. Don't suffer yourself if you have pain. You can get through it again.